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Ha… i learnt to windsurf on XXXXX park many moons ago. I used to work across fromXXXXXXXX. Now from home ????.
Hi. This is regarding the post where someone asked does coke make people walk away and not care. I have/had the most beautiful man in my life, but he has been using C and smoking weed since 13yrs of age. I have commented here before. On good days he is the most caring and loving and treats me like a princess. Before lockdown he was using C no less than 2 times a week, smokes weed daily. Since lockdown i would say 3/4 times minimum. The thing is, he is pure jekyll and hyde. I have studied and studied personality disorders/addiction and I get left so confused as to whether i am dealing with the biggest arsehole, the effects of addiction the most thrown about word…. narc. So to answer your query…. yes they do disappear and yes they turn off all care/feelings towards the person they claim to love so much. The lack of taking responsibility for every little thing, left me walking on eggshells and apologising for things that were not my fault. Last year he walked away for two months yet mixtures of messages of love and of not wanting me anymore. This year already, its now over two months. I think C makes them incapable of being a loving caring individual all of the time. It makes them actually not give one shit at times. Ive been in limbo for two months yet will then get glimmer of hope texts every few days. They stamp all over your heart, not once taking any look at their treatment towards us. I think if something serious comes up, they run to C even more so and are able to shut down without a care for us or even fear we may leave.
This is obviously only my opinion. So i still remain non the wiser whether their total selfish behaviour is due to their greater love for C than us, their emotional incapabilities of staying and facing situations and will therefore just get off their tits.
This doesnt come from an angel or holier than thou. Up to last year i was taking E’s and doing C. My thing was alcohol so this year, im cutting that too. But i always know what is right and wrong in how I treat people and I do believe C destroys people from the inside out. Sending love to whoever needs it xxx
❤️
Hi laura. Thank you.
His situation is that he is the go to guy. He is the contact for all his “friends”. Its never ending. With me, i would take an E for a dance night. He would have a delivery of C on a friday for all his friends orders. I stopped a year ago. He was bad anyway but since lockdown, 3/4 times a week minimum of C. Obtaining for his friends on a friday. We had a row 28/12. Not seen him since then but…. he knew my chemo started then too. He can go from absolute vicious hateful texts towards me full of blame, to texts telling me he wants to marry me. The only remedy is for me to block for my own mental health. Ive cried for two months. Not one apology from his side.
The only positive is that for two months i have been home with my adult kids and have reconnected.
He can be the most attentive caring human. But the most evil, vicious and cruel too.
The only way out of this hell is self love. Which is new to me.
Xx
Danman, thank you for your comments. I couldnt agree more. My addict uses C minimum 3/4 times a week and smookes weed daily. He is 40, been using since 13. Im 52. Although i am a/was a party drug girl, love to dance, ive been clean of drugs for a year. He talks the talk but fails to do the walk. His come downs are now more frequent and his agressiveness and jekyll&hyde behaviour seems at an all time high at the monent. I started chemo two months ago, i havent seen him for two months. If life isnt happy happy, he cant handle it. Yet i was riding his weekly comedowns without any penalties for him. He switches from moment to moment.
Ive lost my best friend because of him. She told me she could no longer stick around me, seeing me hurt so much if i continues to have a coke addict in my life, cos the coke will always come first.
My life is not this circus. It truly is not. But since dating him, it has been and i am broken.
Hi. Im going through it too at the moment. Im just not strong enough to walk away, but …. i do know one thing. It is not the company of his friends that he prefers….. its the drugs he prefers xxx big hugs. We need to show ourselves love, instead of abusing ourselves every time we think for one minute we mean more than the drug x
Hi. Hope you are okay. I was warned again and again by a friend who had also had a relationship a c addict that the drug will always come first. We just never believe it. We split two months ago. Ive cried every day. Last year he played push.n pull with me for two months too. Only last week i get the irrational texts off him, the accusations, the victimhood, telling me to delete him from my life, followed by texts of his love for me, how he cries over me, misses me, to then ignoring my responses. Always the same patterns. Knowing which days are his comedown days. Which days im likely to get a text.
I hope you stick to your boundary. It really can not get any worse than how you feel right now. The rejection and hurt is truly unbearable xxx
Hi. How are you doing? Big hugs
Hi. That was why I said they are selfish. They only see cocaine and their need and their wants. You can never second guess what they mean because of the mood swings/irritability/irrational behaviours. Sorry if I’m just describing mine here but they all seem to have the same actions. There is no consistency. Pure Jekyll & Hyde.
I’m sorry. I’m in the same position as you at the moment. Is this the final split. Is it his come down days. I never know x
Hi. Thank you. My point is…. his jealousy and paranoia yet again meant that he hurt me without a care in the world, a day or two before I started chemo. That is how low they can be. Just pure selfishness, yet he is also the most loving man I ever knew. Pure Jekyll & Hyde character.
I have no clue if this is yet another cycle or if this is it, but I do know that I was correct in thinking he will never put me before C when it matters.
Big hugs and get out now if you can. I blame no one but me for sticking around too long xx
Hi again. I’ve spent so many many days and nights wondering the same. We never know. You say he doesn’t binge at his mums. You never know. They hide it. If they are addicted, they are not able to turn that addiction on and off so easily.
I’m 52. Don’t get to my age, having wasted so much time on people that truly do not deserve your love and care. Addicts are extremely selfish. On 28th Dec, mine said he did not love me and told me to leave. On 31/12 he tells me he loves me like he tells me every day and was gutted we didn’t spend NYE together. On 1/1 he responded to my message to him with a cold response. I started chemo on 29/12. They are incapable of putting anyone before their addiction. Mine can be a knight in shining armour at times, but reality is that he is a selfish addict in tinfoil x
I honestly do hope your bf sorts himself out. Mine has been an addict for 25yrs, smoking weed daily and having C maybe 2/3 days a week, minimum xx
Hi. In my experience….. they walk away from the relationship to go on huge binges. They are able to switch off regarding us whilst in that frame of mind because their pull to C is far bigger than their need for us. This has been my bf’s behaviour pattern. At the moment we are off. I never know whether this is it, or another binge.
It’s heartbreaking being with an addict. Mine has been an addict for 25yrs.
We all know that we should walk away but our need for them is greater than the need to love ourselves.
X