[himbeere]

Hello

Thanks a lot for your encouraging story/message. You and him must feel so happy about his achievement. we all know how hard it is.

My husband always say he has hit the bottom and realised he really needs to change. Yet he still takes it. When he’s not on it, everything is so good that I almost forgot. you mentioned there were many relapses along the way for your boyfriend, how did he eventually stop it? I dont know if I should hold any hope for my husband, he is just so nice and normal until it just happened out of blue.

Anyway, so happy for you two. we finally have some one here actually beat the evil.

[himbeere]

Does your husband still work? yes I agree with you. meeting would be helpful, although my husband has joined any meeting yet! my husband seems back to ‘normal’ again after 5 days staying in a hotel. I joked to him that he must be a VIP membership of that hotel now.. my life is really busy right now, with my daughter and a 7 weeks old son, and work. Funny enough, even my husband said I should leave him and find better life. I guess we still hold hope somehow, hence we are still here.

[himbeere]

Thank you. Well it was great he was clean for that long time but after that it’s just worse and worse. And even right now he’s still not home. I just really don’t understand. He has been so fine since baby born and he booked and paid for a night away for us for this weekend but he just disappeared. He sent message saying how sorry he is and he’s a failure then why he’s still doing it and staying outside not coming home. I just don’t understand. There is no sign or anything, he just does it out of blue. Like you said you can’t hold hopes with them it seems.

It seems we can’t do anything but not to be too sad. I don’t have too much choice, I have a daughter and a new born baby to look after. Having the meeting for your husband sounds like a good start, it probably takes time to make progress. Mine keeps saying he can do it , meeting does nothing. But clearly he can’t control himself.

So how are you now? Assume you still live with your husband.

[himbeere]

Thank you. Well it was great he was clean for that long time but after that it’s just worse and worse. And even right now he’s still not home. I just really don’t understand. He has been so fine since baby born and he booked and paid for a night away for us for this weekend but he just disappeared. He sent message saying how sorry he is and he’s a failure then why he’s still doing it and staying outside not coming home. I just don’t understand. There is no sign or anything, he just does it out of blue. Like you said you can’t hold hopes with them it seems.

It seems we can’t do anything but not to be too sad. I don’t have too much choice, I have a daughter and a new born baby to look after. Having the meeting for your husband sounds like a good start, it probably takes time to make progress. Mine keeps saying he can do it , meeting does nothing. But clearly he can’t control himself.

So how are you now? Assume you still live with your husband.

[himbeere]

Hello it has been a mix.. he has been clean for 6 months but one slip. I thought that’s it, but after that it has just been worse.. some good days and bad days I have to say. He was in bed for days just right before our baby born this Jan. then he has been clean and very helpful since until yesterday. And now he’s still outside somewhere and I can not get hold of him. He sent me message to apologize but he’s still not home. I don’t know what to think.

What about you?

[himbeere]

Hello it has been a mix.. he has been clean for 6 months but one slip. I thought that’s it, but after that it has just been worse.. some good days and bad days I have to say. He was in bed for days just right before our baby born this Jan. then he has been clean and very helpful since until yesterday. And now he’s still outside somewhere and I can not get hold of him. He sent me message to apologize but he’s still not home. I don’t know what to think.

What about you?

[himbeere]

Hello it has been a mix.. he has been clean for 6 months but one slip. I thought that’s it, but after that it has just been worse.. some good days and bad days I have to say. He was in bed for days just right before our baby born this Jan. then he has been clean and very helpful since until yesterday. And now he’s still outside somewhere and I can not get hold of him. He sent me message to apologize but he’s still not home. I don’t know what to think.

What about you?

[himbeere]

It certainly ruin their mental health and physical health! It is a devil! When they are on it, they are just not them, it is just a selfish and terrible person, who doesnt care about anything. And I also hate the after effect. I can imagine it took a lot for you to make a decision to break up with him.

For me, I just havent made up my mind to give up on my husband. He was clean for 8 weeks and slipped. he told me this time he didnt enjoy as much as usual. And he just will do it. He went back to work yesterday after weekend drama and nothing seemed happened.. I trust him as my husband, but of course i dont trust if he is on it. I still want to keep our kid although I am worried.. perhaps I am so stupid, only thing I can do is wait and see for now.

[himbeere]

It is definitely a vicious cycle. sometimes I feel perhaps this drug is so powerful that people just can’t control it. However, there are people managed quitting it. It is all just down to the person I guess.

It is surely heartbreaking for the people who loves them. Especially to the people like us who lives with them and suffer the pain everyday.

Hope you feel better now and yes time is a good healer. We only can try to keep strong and be happy. xx

[himbeere]

You are totally right! That’s what I worry about. I have a kid with my ex, my husband treats her really well but he never wanted a kid, only until this month he decided to have one and it just happened. I always want a kid with him though. He is the type of person when he is not ready, no matter what he just won’t do it. So for him if he wants a kid he would do anything to have it and look after the kid. Perhaps I just naively have faith. I do want this kid to be honest, but I do worry.

So you left your ex, how is he now? And how are you?

[himbeere]

I think you are perhaps reaching the limit point. I had a break down back in March when he was out for a month on and off. But after that, weirdly I felt better as my attention wasn’t on him anymore. It’s a weird thing, sometimes we just unfortunately had to reach some point to realise something. I think you could just ‘let him go’ I mean no need to focus on him and I used to be like you, checking everything but after March I realised ONLY himself can change not us not anyone. Only he finally realised how much damage he made and he couldn’t carry on like this anymore then he can change, otherwise it just doesn’t work. I read so many stories about people who is addict and managed to quit. They are all like hit a bottom and realise they need to change. My husband was the same, March was his bottom( I hope) and he totally changed for 8 weeks. I know he had it again this Friday but 8 weeks clean which was never happened before. My point it needs themselves to realise they need change. All our talkings sometimes is just waste of breath. You have tried your part if he can change it’s happy ending but if not, you just have to think what’s the best for yourself and the kid. It’s hard I totally understand. As we are the same.

My husband had it on Friday night and he came back home at 9 yesterday. He said he didn’t do anything just stay in his car the whole day. He said obviously it was a mistake and waste of time, but he found out this time it was not as enjoyable as every other time I don’t know if it is a good thing. All my trust built this 8 weeks have gone. My parents live abroad and I’m the only child. I have a kid with previous marriage, my ex cheated on me so we divorced. Now with my current husband, I do want a kid with him. But I just worry. I don’t mind hard work despite I don’t really have support here but I just don’t want to have 2 kids in the broken family. I know despite his addiction he would never abandon his kid, but I just don’t want to go through everything again. He said he wants the kid, it will help him about addiction too. It’s hard, really hard.

[himbeere]

Hello again

I totally understand how you feel. It’s just you finally got hope and it just disappeared with a blink of eye.How long is the longest he’s keeping clean? Has he improved at all? If he did then perhaps there is chance still? Although I am fully aware it is not easy but like we all say try to put yourself first. When we feel sad they don’t feel a thing, especially when they are on it. But I know it takes a lot for us to make up mind to decide giving up. Be strong no matter what. We need to look after ourselves and kid!

Thank you. But after his slip I don’t know if this baby is the right time to be honest. We both want it but I just can’t convince myself how this can be one off thing and what if it happen again during my pregnancy or after baby born. Imagine he’s disappeared when I’m in labour.. I can’t imagine..

[himbeere]

Hi! Sorry about my late reply. The post was not notified to my email anymore somehow. Hence just saw your message.

How are you? How’s everything at your side?

My situation has been great until now.. he had been clean for 8 weeks and had been really responsible and caring. But until recently I found out I’m pregnant and I thought everything was just working out.. and we both wanted this baby. then he slipped and had it again.. to be honest I am worried more now as there would be a new baby involved..

[himbeere]

Hello how’s your weekend so far? Has your husband been clean since last time we spoke, he wasn’t attempted last time, wasn’t he?

My husband has been clean since last few awful weeks, he’s back at work and he seems ‘come back’. He acts normal and just like a normal him. We had a little talk last night, he said everything he said to me he didn’t mean as that was a drug talk. And he thinks what happened has hit the bottom to make him stopping. But I choose neither believing him nor not believing him. I guess time will tell. After everything I’m fully aware if he wants to change then he will, there is no point me worrying or asking him for an answer as he can’t give me an answer.

He said he would join the meeting but now he says he thinks he can do it by himself and he doesn’t want to. I don’t know really. But right now I just ‘ let him go’. My husband hardly ever tell people’s his feelings, he is a do-er. So I have to just go with the flow.

[himbeere]

I’m happy for you! I bet it was a hard decision but worth it. How’s your partner, did he start o realise something? But yes we all deserve a good ending! xx

[Author]

Posts