[himbeere]

Thank you so much!

My husband still hasn’t come back home. And barely get in touched.I’m going to tell him if he just came back for sleep and go back to the drugs then might as well not come back home as there is no point. Really tired of this. Seems I have to try to live without him. It is hard but I will try my best. How’s your day?

[himbeere]

I had a nice bath thanks. You are right we can’t fix them but we can work on ourselves.

It is a long journey I guess. I have read so much about it as well. But I still think even it is super hard as long as they really want to do it, they can. The problem right now for them is how much they want. I’m tired of living in the worries everyday. It’s been years. Perhaps it’s time to put ourselves first now.

[himbeere]

I admire the way you are thinking. I think I will have a nice bath with candles on and relax. I don’t get much relax really as I have a 6 years old kid.

Yeah there is no point. Even he comes back he just either staying there silently as he’s on it or he goes to sleep for hours. I should think myself. Has your husband been contacting you? I know I don’t want anyone feels as terrible as I feel but it is nice that someone else is out there experiencing what I am experiencing. And we help each other.

[himbeere]

Yes he is not him when he’s on it. But the thing is he was sober and he promised me he would be normal from Friday and he knows how much pain he caused me, but he couldn’t control himself, Friday he just went into it again.

Yes they will know eventually. But he may hate me for that, who knows.

I have been texting you and drinking tea. I was thinking having some wine but then I think using alcohol to make me feel better reminds me of him taking coke! What about you? Are you doing anything nice?

[himbeere]

His life is good tbh. He has a good job, good parents, good wife( I think). I don’t know why he needs the drug to be happy. Now I just feel he can’t get out of this circle. Saying that I just don’t know anymore.

[himbeere]

You are right. He’s perhaps taking the advantage or he doesn’t mind I’m not there for him?

His friends say I should tell his parents as he always listen to his parents. But I feel bad to do that as it will break their heart.

Thanks for your advise. Talking to you does help me a bit. I try not to think about it and keep myself busy. And I’m glad that you seems get out of it a bit.

[himbeere]

You are right. He’s perhaps taking the advantage or he doesn’t mind I’m not there for him?

His friends say I should tell his parents as he always listen to his parents. But I feel bad to do that as it will break their heart.

Thanks for your advise. Talking to you does help me a bit. I try not to think about it and keep myself busy. And I’m glad that you seems get out of it a bit.

[himbeere]

You are right. He’s perhaps taking the advantage or he doesn’t mind I’m not there for him?

His friends say I should tell his parents as he always listen to his parents. But I feel bad to do that as it will break their heart.

Thanks for your advise. Talking to you does help me a bit. I try not to think about it and keep myself busy.

[himbeere]

Right now he is out somewhere not being clean. I took my courage to slyest him say if he doesn’t change I will leave, but not sure if it’s because he’s on it or what, he said ‘ I don’t think it’s fair to you and I don’t think I can change’ he just made the choice that easy?! I don’t know how to really make him’ wake up’. I run out of ideas.

Yes the only thing we can do is making ourselves better I guess. Its easy to say, but I still find it so hard to not think about him.

[himbeere]

He said as much he wants to change but he can’t. Even it is coke, I still think if he really wants he can, it could be hard but it is not impossible.

Before I read your message I sent him a message I said if he can’t change I will leave. If that’s his choice then be it. I have a 6 years old to look after, I can’t be ill and now I feel I’m ill mentally and physically. I believe in fate. If it is meant to be, then be it. I have tried 5 years with him. I have put up enough. I can not see hope. They can promise but it means nothing.

You are right we need to think about ourselves, we have been thinking about them enough. I hope your husband will change, but right now I think if I don’t put too much hope on to it I would feel better. Take care xx

[himbeere]

I honestly don’t know what to do. I wanted to go to his friends house and knock the door. I also wanted to tell all his friends the story so that no one can keep him. He texted me said he’s a failure, that’s just an excuse in my eyes after everything. Why can’t he man up and stop hiding?!

Guess all the partners fee the same, at least you want to change from your heart and you are doing well. I guess your gf can see the light at the end of the tunnel while I just can’t see anything right now.

[himbeere]

He said he needs to take a break as his nose was so painful last time. The problem is he realised when he is sober, then he just back into it and forget about everything. He just said he’s at friends. This friend doesn’t even take any drug but keep him!

I don’t know to be honest. I guess he is just keeping pushing me to leave him. I never want to leave him. But he is pushing me.

[himbeere]

I thought he has hit the rock bottom. How to hit the rock bottom, telling his mum, losing his job? He told his work he had anxiety and his work is so good that they won’t easily fire anyone. Sometimes I just feel maybe he should lose his job then he will wake up. But it could be worse. I just don’t know.

Yes phoned lots. Whenever he’s on it he never answer the phone. He just hide.

[himbeere]

At least you are on the right route and it sounds promising. You can do it! While others like my husband is on the opposite route.

Didn’t know the dealer can lend you the coke. In this case, it just sounds like he will never stop no matter what I do or he does. No hope is there?

So when people is on it, they just don’t have feeling or care about anyone at all? It’s just amazing that one minute they have saying how regretful they are and next minute they just take coke again.

He is hiding somewhere I guess like always. I’m almost give up and sadly I’m the only one who really cares.

[himbeere]

Hi Dan

haven’t messaged for a few days. I just want to say, I am pretty much giving up. I honestly think your experience is just a miracle. Most of addicts unfortunately just won’t change. I had hope, as after those extreme 2 weeks I thought my husband would change. He handed in all his cards and promised. And even said would go to meeting etc.But today he just disappeared again. I’m pretty much giving up, don’t hold much hope. The nightmare just never ends. And I feel another sad thing is , his sister and his friends were so up to it and offered help etc, but now they seem not that bothered any more.. I feel sad that it seems at the end no one really cares.

And well done you didn’t stop the car! You should be proud of yourself!

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