[himbeere]

You probably made the right decision. You are right. Since they don’t think about us. Then we need to think about ourselves. If they really feel sorry they know what they should do, don’t they?

[himbeere]

You are right. Thanks for your honesty. If he is having drugs he is selfish. And if he’s not having drugs he is still selfish. He doesn’t think how I would feel, he just escaped rather than confront with it. I probably can respect he was at hotel last night but today again, and drinking. You are right. I need to wake up and think about myself.

[himbeere]

So how is he now?

He just messaged me saying he is in a hotel and he is clean but he is drinking!( I never think drinking helps his craving) he said he just needs time to think and plan.. I want to believe in him, but why he disappeared and let me worry to sick?

I totally feel what you said. I just don’t know what to believe. We sometimes do need some hope to carry on. xx

[himbeere]

I think as his wife I should be supportive and go through with him this hard time. But I need a little bit hope don’t I? Nothing I can do, even I knew where he is, what can I do? Go to find him?

[himbeere]

The 4 days he disappeared he was in hotel 3 days took drugs. This time after that message he sent me I thought he really realised. But now he is disappeared again. I don’t want to think the worst, but he had been never this bad.

[himbeere]

Don’t know when this nightmare can be gone..

Yesterday I woke him up for work and he did. When he left I sent him a message basically told him how drained I have been feeling and want my husband back.. at night he emailed me a long message said, the message I sent really sunk in and made him cry, he never cry. He realised what a waste he has been to me to my kid. He went to a hotel and didn’t do anything just need think and he promised he would take further step to make my husband back’ I trusted him and I thought it was a genuine message.

He said he would come home this morning but so far he is disappeared again.. I just don’t know now. It’s a torture.

[himbeere]

Yes it is a WhatsApp group. He confessed a lot yesterday but after yesterday I thought he would get up and go to work today but no! And even right now he is still in bed! I don’t know if it is the after effect of the drugs. But I just think if he wanted to change then today he should get up go to work! I don’t hold too much hope now tbh.

Thanks for your advice of the video. I shall have a look. I just feel physically and mentally exhausted. I work full time and look after a kid literally on my own at the moment and all this thing just really drain me. I try my best to be positive and carry on, but just feel there is not much to look forward to. Wish my husband could think like you do and ‘ wake up’.

[himbeere]

Hi again. My husband just set up a group with me, his sister and his friends who are recently found out what he has been doing as during the last years only me know that. He didn’t want others know. He said setting up this group so more people’s eyes on him which is a big step for him. He still resists to seek for professional help and he still keeps saying he will do it. Although we all think he needs more detailed plan than just his willpower. He said he has done a big step for today and other steps need to be processed in his mind. I guess I have to give him time? Although I think I have been patient to him for years..

I have told him your story and tell him all the useful advise you gave which I think are great. Now it has to down to him to process. I sort of have a little bit hope but I know I can’t keep my hope too high.

[himbeere]

Again thanks for your advise. I would love to know what happened. But I just feel every time I asked but no good result. I do think he wouldn’t really stop if he only use his will power without anything detailed plans? What do you think from your experience?

But I thought people who is addicted , doesn’t like to be forced to do anything. Or he just naively thinks he can win this devil with his willpower.

You must felt terrible afterwards all the time, but was there a big thing or a special thing finally make you that determined to stop?

[himbeere]

Sorry to hear that! It must be extremely hard for you. Hope you feel a bit better now?

Not sure at all what will happen. My husband said alcohol is never the issue for him as when he went to get drugs he was sober, although I think alcohol is definitely the trigger. xx

[himbeere]

Sorry I meant to say

He said ‘ It definitely will not happen again’

And I meant to say. Looking at your story does give me a little bit hope..

[himbeere]

He never trusts things like meditation. He is a stubborn person which isn’t help. He just woke up and didn’t say much, just said to me’ it will definitely happen again’ I didn’t say much. Do I believe him? Probably not. I guess he thought he has hit the bottom this time, but I can not trust. He didn’t talk to me anything else about what happened this 4 days. And I don’t think he would want me to mention it and I won’t. I guess I have to wait until he wants to talk about it, what do you think?

Yes I agree with you. Hence I decide to cancel the baby plan.

Looking at your story doesn’t give me a tiny bit hope, but it is down to him. I always think if he can’t change now, he will be worse and worse then he can never change it. I think he still has sense most time, not sure if i am just comforting myself.

[himbeere]

Yes that’s how I think. He said he did think the consequences afterwards but the craving overpowered it. I always say you need have a plan, more detailed things to help you. But he always say only he can sort it, yes but you need to have a plan not just say it. That’s why I think he is not that determined. He needs to finally wake up! Not sure how, that’s the problem.

I have a child from my previous marriage. But he does treat her like his own child. We did talk about to have another child and he said it could help him stop but on the other hand I worry, what if it does the opposite thing and now is hard enough I don’t want to be pregnant and he is disppeared.

[himbeere]

Thank you so much for your useful and detailed advise! I definitely let him know if I can.

I haven’t managed to talk with him yet, and I think he did realise this time( his 4 days disappearing) is quite serious. So I didn’t plan to talk with him about anything until he wanted to.every time I talked to him and never worked. So maybe I change a method.

I was thinking about to say to him sort yourself out otherwise not come back home but I don’t think it is that a good idea? I am not quite sure what I should do can make him really really make up his mind to stop like you do. Like you said, only he wants to stop not others tell him to, but is there anything could help him realise he really needs stop? I’m sure he feels terrible afterwards like you do but every time he still does it, he can not be like you that determined. So anything at all can push him to there?

Thank you again.

[himbeere]

Yes you are right. We need to cut the possibility and have a plan. That’s what he needs.

Can I ask what made you to be determined to stop? And whenever the craving came, what do you do to stop it?

He told me it is a terrible thing it is a devil. Sometimes he can beat the devil but sometimes he can’t. He always thought he got it under control but clearly he lost the control.

He went to his friends home normally but this time as it is 4 days so he just went to different friends home, all his friends told him off( which I think it is good). But he didn’t like the nagging, so he went to a hotel. His sister picked him up from his friends house at the end and sent him home. He walked in and said sorry to me and went to bed..

he said he didn’t want anyone know but it seems everyone knows now. He said only himself can sort it out, nagging doesn’t help. But can he sort himself out?I don’t know.

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