[himbeere]

Maybe he needs to figure out what made him giving in after 3 months hard work? Since he made the first step which is always the hardest we thought?

Yes he just came back 1 hour ago and looked terrible. He said sorry and went to bed.. not sure what will happen. I only can try not to think about it and carry on life. and same to you. xx

[himbeere]

Hi Danman83, I have been reading your post a lot! Thanks for replying. I am really happy for you that you seem doing really well. Seeing your success perhaps give me a little hope.

Yes you are right. And he is addicted surely. He always say he wants to stop and only himself can stop which is true. But I always feel he is not determined enough, as I think it needs a proper plan rather than saying ‘ I will stop’.

Thanks for your advice. He said even he delete the dealer number he still can find a way to do it if he wants to. And he didn’t think the drinking is the problem. It’s the craving.He gave me his debit card but it didn’t help much. He said he probably need something big to stop him. But I don’t know what is this big. He cares about his work a lot but he started to miss work.

He says he knows how much pain he causes for the people around him, he knows everything. He was clean for 6 weeks since this January, but then failed again and take it even more frequently. And this time is the worst ever and didn’t come home for 4 days which never happened before. I don’t know if it is a peak then he will be better or ?

He doesn’t like talking to people his problem, so he probably didn’t want to go to the meeting, but again if he really want he would. I probably will tell him your successful story if there is a chance.

Sorry about my long message.

[himbeere]

Did your partner ever want to talk or want to stop?

If he doesn’t care then you have to try not care, although I know how hard it can be. No need to be insane about he’s having no phone, even he had phone, would he text you and say something to make you less worry? At first I feel so worried if my husband didn’t contact me, but the moment he’s not coming home we know what happened. I think we need to care about ourselves if they don’t care about us! xx

[himbeere]

Have you tried to talk with him ever about his behaviour? Did he admit he caused damage? I more and more realise nothing we can do to help them, but themselves. If they don’t even realise they are terribly hurting us and wrong. Then they just won’t change or won’t worth us to be sad about. My husband hasn’t turned up yet. But no matter they show up their face or not. If they don’t even care about us when they are sober. Then no point for us to care about or worry about them. Keep strong! xx

[himbeere]

Yes you are not alone. We are all together somehow. For me at the moment it is not sad or angry. It is more feel like empty and hopeless. I want him come back home but when he’s home he just sleep for ages like you said.

Not sure if you won’t let him home until he has some sense, would it help? I don’t have many good ideas, but we just discuss here and hopefully, with all our ‘experience’ we can figure out what can help our husbands and ourselves. xx

[himbeere]

Thanks so much for your reply Chezza123, didn’t expect I can get a rely that quick at this late night. I really feel for you. I know we are not alone here, which is always a big help. But I also think we wish to hear someone could tell us with a successful story to keep us going! Although I know lots of them have no successful story. I just think perhaps even there is a little chance we could summarise what could help our beloved ones and what could help ourselves, so more and more people can be positive about life, as I am sure most of us here feel terrible and miserable about life at the moment.

Right now my husband is disappeared 4 days now, which has broke the record, he normally comes home after a night away.. I don’t know what will happen and what I will expect, I know I miss him despite everything. I am sure you have felt the same.how long has your partner been on and how often?Has he regretted of this reclapes ? Maybe he will keep trying? I know it sounds naive but I still hope/ wish I could hear some miracle saying it is possible..

Lots of love xx

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