[hollybush]

Hi Johnboy44

Thank you so much for the advice.

I will tell him.

There is a new gym opening where we live and we both said about joining.

Hopefully this will give him more of an incentive to.

He has been in touch with a local support charity again this week who said they can see him between Cmas and new year.

He went from Saturday to Friday last week without doing it.

I am thinking positive and hoping this is the start of him stopping.

Take care x

[hollybush]

Hi

It is very sad how one person and their addiction can turn so many lives upside down.

I am just so glad that I found this forum,it has really helped and given me the knowledge that I am not to blame and I am not on my own.

Always here for you to chat, rant and unload.

Xx

[hollybush]

Hi

All we can do is look after and protect out children as much as we can. ❤

I am slowly learning that it’s not me, its him and as hard as it is its slowly sinking in that he doesn’t believe he needs to change (even though he says he does and will).

Thanks for being a great support, I feel like our situations are so alike.

Take care xx

[hollybush]

Hi Coco

I am in exactly the same place right now.

My kids are both very anxious and resent their dad.

You can see them rolling their eyes at him when he talks.

My eldest suffers from OCD and it’s really bad at the moment, even his school is worried about him.

What do I say? It’s because their dad is a drug addict.

When I tell him how bad it is with the kids, he gets all defensive and makes out it me turning the kids against him and they wouldn’t know anything if it wasn’t for me. It’s just not fair on the kids and my heart is breaking at how badly it is affecting them both.

The other Friday we went out as a family to a retail park so one of the kids could spend their birthday money and as soon as we got home from a nice evening of us all laughing and being happy, he was wanting money. It caused a massive arguement and totally ruined the evening for the kids and I. He woke up the next day as if nothing had happened which wound the kids up even more.

He expects them to know there is a consequence for your actions (not being able to go on your playstation, if you don’t do you homework) but doesn’t face the consequences for his actions.

I too just wish he would move out and let the kids and I have a normal life.

I am constantly looking at house rentals but until I change my job ( I can’t do this until the youngest leaves primary school in July), i have no chance of affording a place on my own.

It’s just a vicious circle.

Big hugs xx

[hollybush]

How are things with you Coco1212? Xx

[hollybush]

Hi LLL1234

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, its heartbreaking to hear that anyone has gone through it but especially in your circumstances.

Your husband sounds very much like mine when it comes to the name calling, cheating accusations and general nastiness.

I am very similar to you, I have been with my husband for 22 years and married for 19 with 2 kids.

None of this is your fault or because of you.

He needs to admit he has a problem before he can even start to get the help he needs.

My husband did exactly the same with my parents luckily they knew what he was doing and told him to get help. He even demanded money from them or he would run away with the kids.

Like Coco1212, it scares me that he looks after the kids while you are at work but completely understand how difficult childcare can be and how it would be hard for you to change the situation considering how your husband is.

The physical abuse also scares me. Have you told anyone about it?

Even though I have not got the resources or the courage to do it yet I believe the best thing for us would be to walk away and never look back.

Hopefully I can do this sooner rather than later. I would never stop my husband from seeing my kids but I will not be encouraging, they resent and hate the way my husband treats us as a family.

It breaks my heart to write it but if I knew 22 years ago what I know now I would never have got with him. The bad times are definitely out weighing the good.

It is definitely not your fault if your husband can not deal with the fact you have a past, I think he is using that as an excuse not face his own problems or what he had become.

I know my husband does this and I used to fall or feel guilty when he say that I’m not doing thing right, I say the wrong thing, I say too much, I ‘ve changed and let myself go or that I am a shit wife and mum. From reading things on this on this site I now know its his guilt,shame and his way of manipulating me to get what he wants and try my hardest to ignore him,which is one of hardest things in the world.

Hopefully writing on this site will help you realise you are not alone.

This site has been my saviour over the last few months, I feel less lonely and have realised there are so many of000 us going through similar situations. The support,advice and friendship has really helped me through some dark times.

Just remember that YOU ARE AMAZING and a Brilliant Mum and there is always someone on here if you need to chat and rant. You can not do it for him,however much you want to. He needs to own it and want to get help.

Big hugs and take care of yourself

Xx

[hollybush]

Hi

When I first meet my husband he was in the army and very into fitness. We were also very young (17 and 19).

Never in a million years did I see my life being with an addict or feeling so anxious and unhappy all the time.

You are right, it is a cycle and it has taken me a long time to see that and to realise my husband will say anything to get his cocaine but also keep his family together.

I also never used to believe that he did the same things eg lying and manipulating like other addicts do. I wanted to believe he would never lie to my face and would always choose us.

This is not the case. He would promise me the world if he thought it would get him what he wants.

He did start going to groups couple of times and even did counselling but soon stop when the urge to use kicked in or the counsellor start to ask him difficult questions.

Sometimes when he hasn’t used or is on a come down I honestly believe he wants to stop but then he does it again and the lying starts. I think he actually hates that I see through every single lie and know exactly when he is feeling like he needs to do it and what he is going to say.

I can feel him sitting there working out what he is going to say and how he is going to justify it to me and himself.

His Dad is an alcoholic and he always promised he would never put me or the kids through anything like that, but in some ways what he does is worst.

He never drinks while he is taking cocaine and actually stopped going out and fell out with his drinking mates because he chose to do cocaine and none of them do it and told him he was a dick for doing it.

I can only tell you about my experience and how it affects me and my kids in a daily basis.

My advice to you is to walk away and don’t look back. I wish I had done that the first time he told me he was doing it.

Everyone asks me why do I stay, the only answer is that I have nowhere stable to go with 2 kids and no resources to start again.

My brother lives at my parents house and even though they would make room for us, it would just be leaving to go to a different kind of nightmare.

I want my kids to stay in their home and have their own space.

The man I fell in love with and married is gone and I am never

going to get him back.

I hope that what I write can some how help you because reading other people’s post have given me strength and made me realise I am not alone in this

Sending hugs and love

Take care xx

[hollybush]

Hi

Thank you for your kind words and support.

My trouble is that my brother lives at my parents house and there isn’t enough room for me and the kids too and I haven’t got anywhere else to go.

What made your husband get clean?. I am told there is this defining moment, I am not sure I believe that though.

I know I need to get out for both myself and the kids, it’s just having the resources to do it and making sure it’s for good, no matter what he does.

I have started to try and squirrel away some of my wages to help.

Thanks again and I really hope your husband continues on the right path

Xx

[hollybush]

Hi

I’m fine, I expected it. Its the same every year and every year he promises it’s going to be different.

More fool me for staying and believing it could actually happen.

I just want it all to end. I actually told him I wanted him to overdose and die last night and I really meant it and still mean it.

I know how awful that is but I actually can’t see it ending any other way. He will never leave or let me leave to have a ‘normal life’

I remember you saying about him being slashed, let’s hope that never happens again.

I really hope your bloke has turned a corner and things just keep getting better for you.

Thanks for being here, just knowing there is someone who understands how i feel makes it all just a tiny bit more bearable and less lonely.

Always here if you need to talk or just need to rant xx

[hollybush]

Hi

Not good, if I’m being honest but life goes on and nothing changes.

It was my birthday yesterday with no presents and him disappearing after work and now owing money.

That’s good if he hasn’t used xx

[hollybush]

Hi

How are you?

Xx

[hollybush]

Bless you ❤

I feel like shit today ????

He is being a complete arse, yesterday accused me of having an affair because I didn’t want sex when he woke me up at 2 this morning. When I told him I’m really struggling with it all, he told me.its not that bad and I just like to make a drama of everything and never happy. I like being miserable which is half the reason he acts the way he does.

I can’t do this any more, maybe it’s my fault and everything he says is true.

I don’t know what to do

[hollybush]

Hi

I was just wondering how you were doing.

As long as you are ok.

It’s good that he actually wants help and is being active in getting it.

My husband was home for 2 hours on Friday before he was asking for money.

He then went shopping on Sunday and disappeared. Luckily he brought some shoppjng before deciding not to come home.

He says he did it because i was being moody. What does he expect when I have been isolating for nearly 2 weeks? ????

I hope this is a new start for you and him

Xx

[hollybush]

Oh no! ????.

I hope it all goes ok today

Xx

[hollybush]

He has been away working for the last 2 nights and it’s been lovely. Just me and the kids no anxiety or stress. But he comes back tomorrow and I have felt the anxiety creeping back slowly all night.

When he phoned tonight he promised that he just wanted to chill out and stay at home without doing any cocaine, but I know in my heart that won’t happen. It’s just a case of when and how he is going to go about it. ???? xx

[Author]

Posts