[hollybush]

I can completely understand, most days I really hate the man I have spent my whole adult life with (23 years) but the thought of not having him in my life scares me.

I think that is part of the problem we want to protect them and keep them safe but we can’t.

At one point my husband got in trouble with some really nasty people and I just had to watch as he drove off to see them, not knowing what was going to happen. In the end they did a lot of threatening and decided to let him pay it back in 2 big installments.

Big hugs xx

[hollybush]

Bless you, it’s a crap situation but you should look at the positives.

At least if you are not allowed any contact it gives you a chance to rebuild your life with your kids without him constantly mess it up and he is not dragging you down with him. He has made his choices and now has to face the consequences.

I think that is part of the problem with my husband there are never big enough consequences for his actions to make him stop and care.

It sounds silly but sometimes I wish people would tell me what to do and take control of it all. As long as we have our kids we can get through anything.

You are stronger than you think and are definitely not the bad person in the situation.

Tomorrow could be the start of a whole new chapter for you and your kids. Grab it with both hands. Xx

[hollybush]

I totally get where you are coming from. I too wake up every day feeling the same way and then having to paint a smile on for the outside world. It would be so easy if we didn’t care.

Xx

[hollybush]

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know from experience nothing will.

Sending you hugs and I’m here if you need to talk xx

[hollybush]

Bless you. Are you ok? Xx

[hollybush]

It might not feel like it but YOU ARE AMAZING.????

You have allowed him back because you are a good, kind and loving person, who loves him and wants to try and help him.

What has happened to the Switch?

My husband took my car while I was at work and sold it a couple of years ago, yet I am still here trying to help and love him, hoping he will change.

Please don’t blame yourself, its not your fault he has his problem.

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better and help you but I know exactly how you feel.

Just keep talking on the forum, people are here in the same boat and will listen to you.

Xx

[hollybush]

Hi

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this.

I am feeling exactly the same. He disappeared on Friday and came back on Saturday morning like everything was normal. One of our children had a big test on the Saturday and really needed their dads reassurance on Friday night, but he wasn’t there.

I had the cash cards but he went into the bank on Friday afternoon and took money out the account.He has never done that before,so now I don’t know how to try and keep him away from the money. It’s his wages that go into that account.

I was also sent home from work to self isolate on Friday as a member of the team had tested positive.

It’s a constant rollercoaster, we had such a good week up to Friday and now we are back to square one.Its like groundhog day.

I really hope things get better for you and I’m here if you need to chat.

Look after yourself and just remember how AMAZING YOU ARE. xx

[hollybush]

Hi

How is everyone doing? X

[hollybush]

I am so pleased for you, I really hope this a new, happy chapter of your life starting.

Always here if you need to talk though xx

[hollybush]

My heart is breaking.

I have finally come to realise my husband is never going to change and stop taking cocaine.

After years of sticking by him, lying for him and generally trying to be the best and supportive wife I could be. I can ‘t physically or mentally do it anymore.

Today he has broken me for the last time.

He promised he wouldn”t ask me for money and would go until Friday before he took it again.

I knew he was feeling shitty snd went to bed and got up again because he was restless but he told me to go to bed and he would watch Louise Clark like Danman suggested.By 11.30 he was upstairs demanding money and even when I told him he could do it and just to come to bed. He just kept on and got angry with me.

I begged him,cried and even told him if he loved me and the kids he wouldn’t do this but it made no difference.I hate to say it but I lashed out at him in frustration, which I know he will use against me.

He is just walked out with his cash card and left me having a panic attack and crying. He is now downstairs and I’m sat upstairs 2 hours still crying, getting the occasional text about how I need to stop crying because I’ll wake the kids and neighbours.

I don’t know what to do. I have no where to go if I leave him, my brother is already living back home with my mum and dad. I can’t afford to run the house by myself and he wouldn’t leave anyway

I am dreading the next few days because I know he will keep pestering me for money and accuse me of stealing and keeping his wages.

We haven’t got enough money to pay all the Bill’s as it is.

I can’t cope anymore and don’t want me and my kids to live like this anymore

I’m sorry to go on when you are all going through so much yourselves, I just don’t know what to do and writing it seems to help xx

[hollybush]

Hi

I can’t tell you all how much it is helping reading to your posts and advice.

Last night I told him that I had been to a divorce lawyer and today he has made an appointment to see the GP and also done a self referral for a local organisation that helps addicts.

He has come home from work saying he feels shit and want some coke but has stayed at home all night and tried really hard not to go and score. He is now in bed and hopefully sleeping.

I am not going to get my hopes up but hopefully this is a start.

Sending everyone big hugs xx

[hollybush]

Hi

Thanks for replying and the show of support. To be honest I didn’t expect anyone to answer.

This is the first time I have been on a forum as well.

I too feel very lonely and frustrated.I also feel guilty about the fact that the children are having to live with it as well because I have no way of changing him and have no where to go if I left him.

For the past 2 weeks my husband has spent all his wages (around £500) on coke and gambling. He has given me his cash card on the Thursday night promising not to do it and then he doesn’t come home from work on the Friday and by 10pm he is demanding his money and his cash card.He has also accused me of stealing his money this week because I used some to pay the rent, we have an agreement we pay it every friday, so this week was no different. In the end I had to borrow the money off my parents because he was being so vile and constantly demanding it back. He has never been violent towards me, which is a good thing.

I have tried turning off my phone but he will phone my eldest son or the neighbours to get hold of me, or just come home and start demanding it. This wakes up my youngest and it really upsets him.

He then comes home by sunday evening full of remorse or blaming and angry with me expecting me to just say ok and have shopping in when he has spent all the money we have for the week.

I have really hit rock bottom and just can’t cope anymore.

Today I spoke to a divorce lawyer and they have said I have good grounds for a divorce but I have no money for a divorce and it means I will have to tell people what is going on and I’m scared social services will get involved, think I am a bad mum (which I agree with, a good mum wouldn’t let this happen) and take my kids away from me. My kids are my world and the thought if losing them breaks my heart.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I just want a ‘normal husband and life’s.

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