[hopeful]

Hi Danman, Georgia,

I hope you’re both well. I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to reply Georgia. I really really appreciate your post and I’ve taken everything on board.

The past three weeks have been a whirlwind. After a pretty quick spiral he finally asked for support and help and has gone to rehab for 28 days.

He has been in for a week now and seems to be doing well. They let me see him on the weekend, thought it would be good for him. He seems really positive. He was honest and said that of course he had bad days / hours and that some of the sessions he didn’t necessarily find helpful. The biggest change I noticed was how communicative he was and also that he listened to me and seemed to really want to take everything I said seriously and consider it.

I met quite a few of his fellow peers which I’m really grateful for. He’s in a mixed group – alcoholics, cocaine users and others. He has quickly become a popular member of the house (he’s very charismatic) and seems to be thriving through helping others at the same time. He says he wants to connect with a sponsor when he’s out and start going to regular meetings, and also become sober.

He’s now allowed his phone in the evening which is also good. He got it back last night – it was interesting because he seemed to not really want to use it. He called me when he got it and sounded very happy.

Personally in the last week I’ve struggled since he’s been gone. I think the last six weeks have just taken its toll on me and I crashed. I was worried and concerned but hearing how well he’s doing has made me feel much better. I am aware though that I have been getting quite anxious still. I think a new issue has come up in my head around when he does come home. I still feel pretty fragile and can get quite emotional randomly – Im not quite my bubbly self and find it hard to do simple things as normal – which is definitely not like me. My appetite had decreased and I’m not doing my normal exercise or socialising. I guess a new fear is that he’s going to start this journey and leave me behind. Perhaps we ended up in a co-dependent relationship!

I understand that the most important thing is to focus on himself, and my main hope was that he just gets better. The logical thinker in me knows that I need to take care of myself and focus on what I like to do also, but the emotional / anxious part of me just can’t seem to shake my thoughts – which seem to repeat over and over. Of course I don’t want to put any pressure on him with this. I was honest when I saw him that I had struggled last week but was much better. I guess the fact that he didn’t seem to stay on the phone that long last night kind of made me feel a bit neglected and then worried that he will be having second thoughts….

Another offload for you!

I hope you are both doing well x

[hopeful]

So glad you’re doing better now. He ended up going to the pub while I was out for dinner last night and found someone who gave him a couple of lines.

This morning he has said that he’s open to help and that he’s really had enough of this. So I’m looking up a few options to take home to him on a one-pager… telephone counselling, local groups etc.

I know this is going to be a process and so don’t want to overwhelm (and he may possibly retract his want for help) but I feel positive if he has a couple of tools at least to think about…

I’m going to tell him about the book and the podcast also – will also read and listen myself!

Thanks!

[hopeful]

Thanks so much for your message and I’m sorry you’re struggling.

I think he does want to get help, but I think he’s scared to dive right in and face it… which is understandable.

He doesn’t actually drink too much, we’ve been avoiding quite a bit and it’s seemed to have been working. Like I said in the last post, it was the pub that was the trigger. When he’s at home and having a glass of wine he’s ok. I agree with changing the routine up. I’m trying to get him into a new hobby but we’ve had a few holidays recently and so think he wants to focus on getting back into work first. Before he met me he said (when we started talking about it more) that he was doing it nearly everyday and you can imagine the amount he spent. Now he has been relapsing (small amounts) every 2-3 weeks.

Another trigger I’ve noticed is that if I’m not there. Tonight I have dinner with friends and he called me to let me know he’s struggling today. I asked him if he wanted me to go home instead but he said no. I did think in the back of my head that this might happen, but I also need to not let him become dependant on me – for both him and me – I need my independence and life. I do think it’s a good sign that he called and volunteered that information, he wants to be honest about it because I’ve asked him to.

I’m glad that you’ve found a way to help – I stopped drinking for a year a couple of years ago and found that reading other’s stories etc helped me a lot. I think my boyfriend is the opposite – he wouldn’t want to delve in fear that it would just all consume him if that makes sense?

How are you feeling now?

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