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Hey, I hope all is well. 🙂
Oh my.. It’s so weird this is me this week. Addict behavior (is this a thing?) (drugs I dont know yet because I have not done a drug test yet). I am just deflated. Had such a good week. Fun, laughs, seen his old sparkle back then boom back to work and hes edgy, weird.
We had words on Wednesday like any normal couple. Then he follows me to start an argument. I was like wow!!! Who is this.. He went a walk. His brother rings me at 11pm asking what was going on and why was he being weird and not making sense but didnt seem to be on anything. He was texting me saying he was sick of people always asking if he is on something or questioning him when he isnt. I told him he has a long way to go before people trust him. He didnt come home until 1am. Slept in spare room.
I am just taken back by this bizarre behavior.. Its what he does when guilt sets in.. This has happened a handful of times this year and now I notice the pattern.
Hopefully we will talk tonight and he will open up more.
I am slowly zoning out and feeling more numb.
It has been full of ups & downs the last 7 months.
From what I know he has been using heavily for the last 6/7 months, before that was a social thing. Which I always disagreed with as I do not use myself.
He has handed over access to his emails and will soon be using an account we can both see for his salary as he needs to go into a DMP to pay of debts. His drug bill is being cleared this week. New phone number next week and a clear out of numbers on his phone. He has not used in 2 weeks and I can see his personality coming through again.
He was at the point this week were the phone bill had not been paid nor the car payments. He was thinking of leaving his job to get one closer if the car had to go back. I really hope this is his rock bottom.
My close family and several friends know, they have been life savers. I know we are not out of the woods yet but I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel.
IF we reach here again soon he will be asked to leave and if he cannot sort himself out we will not be together. I have looked into my finances and can afford to live by myself and because we have been married less than a year I can seek an annulment I think. There will be no further chances and his family will be told and can deal with him then.
Hey,
I am new here after just catching up on 53 pages. Relating to most things that have been said.
I learnt of my husbands drug addiction in Dec 2021 – in which he was distraught and promised he would not do it again as he did not have a problem. Fast forward 2 weeks after our wedding in March. My gut was telling me to check his banking app.. Payments to dealers right in front of me. I confronted him and he was so sorry and disgusted at himself again. We cleared the drug bills with some of the wedding money. He even brought the ‘friend’ to our new house and told him he was not losing all this and to take his money and not to contact him regarding drugs again.
Fastforward to 3 weeks ago when sH!t hit the fan. He got smarter. Lifting cash to make payments – I know this because he left his bank card and I took it and got a mini statement to see what was happening as I could only go through his phone when he was drunk as he is a light sleeper. I know I sound crazy but this is what it has made me. The man I love had changed, it has altered his personality to a paranoid, lying, shadow of man.
When I confronted him this time he is a completely different person – the anger in him. He just up and leaves. Telling me to leave and run because he will drag me down with him. I called my mum for an intervention. That went down like a led balloon. He left the house and refused to come back until she had left. He returned 4 hours later, snatching my phone to see who I had been texting and what I had said. This man I did not know. We have always had the fun/banter/easy going relationship. Yes some hard times over the 13 years but nothing ever like this. We rarely fight but since we have got married all we have had is issues which is now clear it is the drugs and not me like I had thought!
On Saturday a letter came through for a missed car payment – to which he said it’s been paid and gave a date it leaves his account which makes no sense because it was dated before the payment is due out. LIE again. I told him what I expected from him going forward. He has let me have access to his emails to sort out loans and overdraft and agreed to go on a DMP/IVA as he has said he is done and out of money to continue this and he wants his life back. I have got the ball rolling today on this. He has also agreed to move his salary into our joint account (which he has no access to) and move all his bills here. He has also agreed to change his number once his drug debt is paid and block and remove any numbers. He has also agreed to drug tests every 3 days.
He will not seek any help. The most he has done is ring his dr for anxiety meds as I said this may help with the stress at work which led to his addiction.
He is doing everything I ask but I can’t help feeling deflated and sad and waiting on the next suspicion to arise.
Any advice would be grateful!