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Whilst you and everyone else has cleaned up and moved on he has stayed on this path. He now has the best of both worlds cocaine and yourself.
But now you feel you have to support him with his recovery. You can’t. Only he can get himself clean and until he does you will have no life with him.He has a better life, cocaine and you. You cannot have a lovely life with cocaine and him. If he wanted to commit to recovery and you would he not have done this already. There is no excuse for taking it, they take it when they are happy, take it when they feel depressed. There is always some excuse. It is something that you have to decide for yourself I’m afraid.
The hardest thing for me was losing my self respect. The manipulation he knows full well he cannot get away with. A previous relationship nearly destroyed me with narcissistic behaviour but that was a long, long time ago. I have a radar for it, I can detect it before it comes out of his mouth. We learn from everything that life throws at us and we do become stronger.
My ‘husband’ has been in prison for thirteen months and hopefully drug free. But I do know you can get anything in there for the right money. He has not returned to the person he was before. He still calls me when he wants something and tries to manipulate me into doing things for him even though he’s inside. I used to have the hope that the voice would be my loving husband on the phone, but it never is. He usually drops a clanger by calling me darling, what he always used to call me. Its just a slip of the tongue.
I’m an empath too. You have to switch off for your own sanity and self respect. I love my husband, but he is no longer that person. I have had to divide the two. The husband that I knew and loved is no longer here, he is dead. The one that emerged after the coke is a manipulative, lying monster. I now have gotten my self respect back. It’s not nice being looked upon as pathetic.
My ‘husband’ was a hard worker, had his own business and life was wonderful. That was before him abusing cocaine. The people he used to hang around with were heavy users. Some of his family dealt. I found some in my bathroom, he took it but didn’t clean up the residue off the side of the sink. When I asked if he had been snorting cocaine, he swore on his dads life he wasn’t. That was the beginning of the end.
I felt that pain too like you say the more he hurt me the more I needed him, because usually I could rely on him he was my other half, my protector. He changed as a person and in turn he changed me. I too was a very strong woman and reduced to an absolute wreck. It has taken a long time to realise and get to this point in life. As Zen says, you will be fine. I am proof of that.
Yes, benzocaine too. I have an addicted ‘husband’ who also dealt.
Hi there.
There are loads of us on here that are in the same situation or have been like myself. It doesn’t matter how much you love them when coke is involved. It is destroying you at the moment but it will destroy your relationship eventually. Every so often was my ‘husband’ until it went to every weekend, then every night. If he values you and your relationship he must try to stop, seek help. If not you will lose him to the coke and he will have no emotions whatsoever. My ‘husband’ chose the coke and its been a difficult, painful journey.
Remember he can only help himself. Mean while you need to look after yourself. Hard I know, I’ve been there. Crying, worrying, talking, arguing but it has done me no good. it made me ill and it will you. Concentrate on yourself until he comes to his senses.
You do whats best for you, not him.
Hopefully you will be able to talk to the consultant and decide whats best. This is all about you and your wellbeing.
It is understandable your family hating him. They want the best for you and love you.
It is up to you what you do regarding your pregnancy but be totally aware its going to be you alone in this. His relationship is with cocaine not you. He probably did want a family with you but he chose the cocaine. Having a baby will not focus on him getting off the drugs. He should have got off them for you. You should not be second to his unborn baby.
You do deserve better, no one should come second to cocaine.
Hi Laura. Not a good situation to find yourself in as it looks like he has not given up the dreaded stuff.
You know the score, lying and paranoia and turning it on you accusing you of cheating. Sorry but he is cheating on you with the cocaine.
If he wants to be clean he will only be able to do it by himself. You cannot help him. You can just be there if he does get clean but not during. Its hard but you have to think of yourself, your children and now your unborn.
Hi ButtonBoy and Paula. I’m so glad you are seeing something positive. Keep well yourselves.
It is cocaine cut with ketamine. It numbs the nasal passages when you snort it. His depression and not getting out of bed is his comedown.
My brother in-law is the same with my sister. She is an alcoholic and has been for years. He sets boundaries, makes her leave then has her back. He enables her by doing this so she has no boundaries to adhere to. They have a son and I hope he isn’t going to be affected by her behaviour in years to come. It is up to the alcoholic to want to stop and nothing we say or do will make her. I have had to give up.
It’s great to see you focused on your wellbeing Dfh. We have gone through a lot and I now feel a hell of a lot stronger in myself. Same as you, I have had to cope on my own on one wage for over two years now. It is surprising what you can do. I thought I couldn’t do it by myself and I totally lost it, but I can. It is frightening in the beginning but two years down the line I cannot keep worrying. I take things now as a challenge because like you say we are strong we have had to deal with so much. You are right, look after yourself, love and respect yourself. xx