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I’ve been through all of this and I’m now two years down the line. I had to get into my head that the person I loved was no longer there. Cocaine turned him into a monster and that is the way he has remained. In fact he now tries to manipulate me even more. It’s not going to happen though. I’ve got my self respect back. I’m no longer going to look pathetic in his eyes. I’m a strong woman, strong enough to say that’s it, you made your choice.
Keep well.
Well said Dfh. That’s the big thing isn’t it. Knowing your own worth. I’ve got there too. I’m going to get the house out into my name only, which he agreed to and I’m on my way to my full recovery from his addiction. It is so good feeling that I don’t have to make myself look pathetic anymore. I look after myself now, and gained back my self respect. I’m not his mum he’s a big boy and has made his own foolish decisions. Why on earth we think we have to make them better being their wives is now beyond me.
Keep well.
It is a lonely place to be but there are plenty of people in the same situation on here that will understand what you are going through.
Meaning though he’s back it looks like you were doing the right thing in the first place. Stay strong. xx
Cocaine has also destroyed our life. ‘Husband’ and I are separated. He has huge debts and is now in prison.
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying as it has happened to me but like Lemony says he has to help himself. I also had to put on my life jacket and I am busy treading water but protecting myself.
Look after yourself.
Nine years is a long time and it is hard to give up on the person we love. We just want that loving person back. You are not weak putting up with all this but it is finally getting you down looking after him. He has to want to stop drinking you cannot make him, you are not his mum.
You need to look after yourself. I can understand the tiredness and feeling weak and hopefully this will pass and you will concentrate on yourself and do the things mentioned above in your post to make you feel better.
Keep strong you will not be thought of as an attention seeker on here.
Hello.
Yes, a lot of us on here have been through the same thing. One thing is for sure though you didn’t stop him loving you the cocaine did. You gave him support. You did the right thing with the contact to your home which he agreed to, but he took cocaine anyway knowing the consequences. He wanted you to take care of the finances but still bought cocaine and gambled. You have done everything you could without enabling him.
They lie and manipulate and blame us for their using. But we are not to blame they destroy our lives because cocaine comes first before anything.
My heart breaks for you. My heart has never recovered, my husband hasn’t returned to the wonderful loving person he was even though he has been in prison for a year.
None of this is your fault, you tried your hardest.
Thanks Danman, take good care of yourself and your family.
Hi Reb.
Nice to hear from you it has been a while. You don’t ramble. I understand everything that you have written, we have been through so much with the dreaded stuff. We have all poured our hearts out on here.
I hope all goes well for you.
Sorry to hear this Danman, you have helped a lot of us understand on here. I can remember when you were the only one on here.
Looks like it was taken over by people with their own addictions. We have lost our supporter. Thank you also for the help you have given me over these past few years, I couldn’t have understood without you.
I wish you all the best. Please. please keep up the good work. This has reduced me to tears.
Yeah, definitely a similar pattern. Loving couples with normal, lovely lives being taken over by the devil. Wreaking havoc with emotions and becoming loveless and self absorbed. Luckily I didn’t get any violent outbursts during this journey into hell.
Danman there is a wonderful weekend ahead enjoy it.
I wish it was a nightmare but I used to awake every morning to this ‘living mare’ the feeling of sickness and dread. I couldn’t believe this could be happening to us.
The problem is cocaine takes over, it is their first thought. Imagine cocaine being chosen before you.
They will lie and manipulate. Even when I found out what was occurring he denied it, then he told me he was taking more than I thought. Then another day he told me he hadn’t had any for four years and he swore on his dads life, I kid you not. Swearing on his dads life was a sickener for me. I walked out the room as I had nothing to say. His dad has cancer and I know what he will say at a later date. That his dad is already dying so it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have sworn on his mothers life. Monsterous behaviour.
He does try getting the sympathy off others because I won’t give him any. I’m pretty straight john bull and I don’t lie to folk.
‘Husband’ knew the risks of taking the stuff, he told me years ago about our mate being really ill with it. He also told me how he would hate to be seen sniffing the stuff as it was disgusting, his words not mine. It was his choice to go down that road, no one shoved it up his nose.
The only sympathy I have is for our families and our happy life which is lost.
Danman has given advise on how he deals with his situation as he wants to stop. Does your husband want to? It is a difficult situation because he may think he hasn’t got a problem. We cannot make them stop whatever we say, do or threaten. They need to do it themselves.
I too was looking everywhere. I still find the dreaded stuff now and other drugs around the place. It will drive you mad in the end this detective work. There is no right time to approach him if he is not ready.
Sorry to hear this. You are not a loser believe me you will eventually realise you are a winner. We cannot help who we fall in love with and cocaine will ruin most relationships. We all believe their lies in the beginning and I understand your feeling betrayed. Cocaine will come first in a relationship and they will never understand your concern you have been brave to get out of it as you would have been enabling her to continue.
I can understand how you feel. Angry, betrayed and humiliated I feel this every day. ‘Husband’ has destroyed our close families and I cannot forgive him for the hurt and pain he has caused all of us. The lies, the wasted money, the debt and worst of all his paranoia.
It is horrific what the dreaded stuff can do. I honestly thought it was a recreational drug and each to their own but it’s not, it affects us as well as the addicts. In fact more so. One day they are a loving husband next day a demon.
The trust is gone now.
Not too bad Danman. I have my good days and bad days, today was a bad one but I’m getting there.
I see so many people on here with the same ‘stories’ but I am further down the line and it doesn’t get any better with my ‘husband’
I’m glad that you are seeing how the demon is trying to entice you, it gives me a good insight.