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I have been waiting for two years for my wonderful loving husband to come back.
Cocaine ruins lives, we were so happy, he was my soul mate and put me on a pedestal. I knew that he had used cocaine a few years after we got married but he told me it did nothing for him.
Then he starts moving in different circles. Going out drinking. He was the one that always made sure his mates got home and he never lied telling me they all took cocaine regularly.
Then he gets caught up with the wrong sort of people and was making bad decisions. Ended up getting arrested. Whilst waiting for his trial to go to court he went off the rails. He was taking cocaine, getting drunk and staying out all night. He wasn’t going to work and was constantly telling me he had the flu. Not so, he was on the coke and this changed him, he had no patience, was evil tongued, accused me of wanting someone else. He constantly lied and he never had the need before we were so close.
He was not bothered when I had hospital appointments even though before he would always be there for me every time.
He no longer loves me, he left me and now he is in prison.
I’m still waiting for the monster to disappear. He has made me ill and nothing matters to him. He has left me with his debts to sort.
I want my lovely life back and the man I love.
I’m sure he wouldn’t have left either.
There are a lot of us in the same boat. Loving, loyal, hardworking husbands and boyfriends then they decide to take coke. They get nasty and say awful things that they wouldn’t have said before, then they leave us. We are left heartbroken and they don’t care anymore.
It is a waiting game now to see if he does what he says he’s going to do and get off the dreaded stuff. Problem is they lie and manipulate. I hope all goes well.
Danman is right. Don’t blame yourself, you didn’t make him have coke. It was his choice and he has ruined his life and yours too. It is heartbreaking.
My husband said he didn’t love me anymore. Cocaine changes you. One day you are blissfully happy next day they are gone. They don’t care anymore. As sudden as that, you are not alone there are loads of us in this situation.
Definitely don’t listen to his bull shit.
My husband and myself were happily married for fourteen years till he decided to leave me due to the stress of an upcoming court case involving drugs.
He went to live with his nephew and cousin who deal. This made his occasional sniffing cocaine worse. He was on it every day. Not going to work and looking really ill right up until the court date. He is in prison now.
I couldn’t stop him from taking cocaine. It was his choice to ruin his life and mine.
I am his wife, was his supporter through anything and his soul mate. But I am not his mum and if he had ended up on the streets that would have been his choice not mine. He chose the cocaine over me and our happy life. He is a grown man not a child and there would have been no feeling of guilt if he had made himself homeless.
I may sound heartless but he has become a monster not my loving husband.
This forum has been my lifeline through some really dark times and I have been helped along the way by lovely people.
We all need someone to ‘talk’ to, people with the same troubles and going through the same emotions. No one else can understand and not judge. We are not alone by a long shot.
Keep strong.
That is truly awful what has happened to you in the past and now this to contend with.
If you pay it you will enable her to do it all over again. If she owes money and cannot pay they will stop letting her have it on tick. She will manipulate to get it. It’s an expensive pass time and nothing to gain from it.
Be kind to yourself instead. She will only stop when she wants to or runs out of people to bail her out. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.
‘Husband’ would not get ill if he didn’t sniff cocaine, it would just be the comedown. When going out for a drink with certain people he said he would have a line because he was offered it. This he said made him able to carry on drinking long past the ‘non users’.
He would come in not seeming drunk but the following days he would be sleeping it off. He would then be sniffing all the time and blowing his nose. He would have blinding headaches and he couldn’t work on these days. He complained of flu like symptoms and would cough up blood.
Before the abuse of the cocaine which became every day, he didn’t lie to me he was a normal, loving, hardworking man.
Now he is a constant liar and manipulator. Mardy if he doesn’t get what he wants and has left a lot of debt with credit card bills and he owes ‘people’ an awful lot of money.
He is in prison now, has been for nearly a year but that doesn’t stop the bailiffs from knocking at my door. Never his cell door.
I didn’t see this coming as he hid it from me well. But believe me I do not give in to his asking for money to pay ‘such and such’ even though he is inside.
I didn’t enable him by giving him money, but it looks like I enabled him by paying all of our outgoings. I should have made him pay them, that would have made a significant hole in his pocket and he would have had to go to work.
If only I had known what I know now. Don’t enable in any way shape or form.
Only once when he got sent down, he calls when he wants something but it’s very rare unless he is desperate. He hasn’t changed, he’s not the person I knew and loved. He is emotionless unless it is something that he needs. Cocaine has ruined him.
Glad you are back with gf, buckle down and get yourself back on track. You know how to do it.
No change here. ‘husband’ as been inside for eleven months now so hopefully he cannot get hold of the coke in there. Then again you can get anything in there if you pay the price.
I’m still suffering with anxiety and paranoia but the sertraline has been my saviour. I’ve been discharged from CBT because they couldn’t really do anything for me as it is an ongoing situation I’m in. I have to get through this nightmare alone. I’m much stronger now though than I was before.
My sister is an alcoholic.
She would hide alcohol in the house, if her husband found it and got rid of it she would get more and be more secretive.
After years of physical and verbal abuse he made her leave the marital home. This was the turning point. I made her go to AA and she finally accepted she is an alcoholic. She is a lot better, but has not given up completely.
It has made her husband depressed, her son clingy and my sister and myself anxious. It is an awful addiction and I don’t understand it myself. Nothing works unless they want to get sober themselves I’m afraid.
You are definitely in the right place.
As Danman has said don’t give any more money to your daughter to enable her habit. It is hard but a cocaine addict will manipulate and lie to get what they want.
Hi Danman, long time no see. Looks like you have been through it since last time we were on here. Concentrate on that decorating and have you given up the gym and reading?
I’ve had to re register as it didn’t like my name without a number.