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Looks like you were put in the worst situation though, with friends like that I wouldn’t like to see your enemies.
Keep going Dan.
Glad you are staying on Dan. You help a lot of folk and it does help you too being on here. Selfishly, we would miss you.
Hi Georgia. I’m glad your partner is on the right road and continues to get himself right. Staying positive without being naive is the right way to go about it. You are a good ‘un supporting him through all of this and the added stresses it brings with it.
There is always seems to be reason for abusing the coke. Stress in their lives so self medicating. ‘Husband’ did it to forget his up coming (at the time) court case so I can understand.
Luckily I don’t have to mix in those ‘recreational’ circles now with ‘husband’ inside and out of harms way. But I am left to pick up the pieces of this shattered life all because of his bad choices.
It does knock the wind out of your sails, like you say there is no preparing. Nothing is normal what they do anymore. Selfish is an understatement.
You are right about it being inexcusable leaving the children and are spot on about them getting worse if there are no consequences to their actions. Their addiction can become their excuse for everything they do.
I have been depressed for fourteen months and I tortured myself not going to the docs. I was anxious and deflated, not sleeping and I developed bruxism too. I couldn’t take it anymore i’m now on anti depressants and am going to CBT and am feeling more level if you know what I mean. The tablets numb me.
I have to go to work too to keep everything going. It has been a struggle and we haven’t got kids.
We bother because we loved the person they were before the addiction took a hold of them. Before sniffing coke my ‘husband’ didn’t flinch at anything that life threw at us. Now he runs away.
I don’t know how you can build yourself up after this as I’m still trying myself. I wish I had a magic wand to take all our misery away I really do. I’m trying to deal with being on my own too after all these years.
Gutted. I can understand you feeling awful.
I think if you truly love him you cannot let him go. It’s not possible in my opinion. But probably stop contacting him , let him contact you. Let him hit rock bottom.
Its an excuse him telling you that you won’t let bygones be bygones. A good enough one in his mind to walk out and put his needs first. He would have used the argument as his excuse to go.
I can understand the ’emotionally unavailable’ that sounds like my ‘husband’ in fact it describes him quite well nowadays.
It is not right him walking out and leaving the kids alone. I don’t know if you remember my ‘husband’ left me, just went. It was six months later that I found out about his addiction. He is reckless, didn’t go to work.
I can also remember him defending a mate of his. Not to me but to a friend of ours he totally went on one when she said the person was a waste of space. He told her his was a respectable business man and was a different person nowadays. Do you know what, without the cocaine he would have said he was a waste of space and he had said so for years. But he started going around with this chap because he could take all the coke he wanted with him in tow. It’s all about them and their needs.
Try and look after yourself whilst he is going through his episode. We will never understand their thoughts and their addiction, how can we it’s not what we call normal.
For fourteen years I had an exciting life. We both worked, had a nice home. Have dogs. Had dinner parties on occasions for family and close friends. Went out to restaurants. Wanted a family. Had holidays, everything was an adventure and I loved my life. Husband did too before he decided to get in with the wrong crowd and ended up being arrested. This in turn turned him to drink more and take cocaine every time he went out with friends.
When you say ‘you understand that isn’t all there is to life’……. I think you are wrong, that is a normal life doing all the nice things you have mentioned.
Only you will know when enough is enough.
You are not alone there are a lot of us on here worrying about our other halves cocaine addiction.
Problem is there is nothing you can do unless he wants help. At least he has admitted he is addicted. Ask, don’t be afraid. Tell him you are there to help.
Look at our ‘stories’ on here it will give you an insight of what is to come if nothing is done about it. Don’t sweep this chance under the carpet.
You don’t have to leave your husband to concentrate on yourself. I would never have left mine. Keep yourself well and when he needs help you will be strong enough to provide it.
Keep your head up.
I thought I was failing my husband and family if I didn’t try to help or pay his debt and maintain his business. But they have failed us by choosing to sniff. Or also rub his gums as my husband did also.
It hurts more than anything I have ever known. Our wonderful life was destroyed. We were a team. Now I have to do everything myself and it is hard not having his help.
I too wondered if my husband would overdose and die. I worried about it, too much alcohol and cocaine. But he wasn’t worried and didn’t care about me worrying either.
He was having the time of his life. ‘Champagne Charlie’ that’s what he’s called by folk. Partying and being the big man.
I feel lost and lonely too, thats why I come on here. People in the same position can help and understand what we are going through. Going out and trying to socialise is something I can’t bring myself to do. Doc has upped my dosage of anti depressants and I now don’t feel anxious and sick all the time. My mind is more settled because I feel numb inside now. That is a good thing for me because fourteen months of this hell has taken its toll on me.
Don’t take anything to heart, I know its hard. I just think that my husband is dead and the one that has replaced him is a monster. One who has a fork tongue and lies like a rug.
Concentrate on yourself for a while because if he decides that cocaine is not what he wants you need to be the strong one. Focus on you, look how B8988 has turned it around. It doesn’t work for everyone but its worth a try. You are doing this for both of you. Not just yourself. Keep strong.
We understand, we have been there.
I have isolated myself too. I’m lost without my other half. I was the same listening into conversations on the phone, something I had never done before. Constantly worrying. Problem is they are not concerned about us worrying. Cocaine comes first I’m afraid.
My life was at a stand still, I’m now on anti depressants and have CBT and hopefully this will help me get myself right.
No amount of talking, arguing, testing or lie detecting will stop him from using cocaine. Only he can stop and he won’t because he doesn’t think he has a problem. You do.
What’s worse is they believe their own lies and will manipulate any situation.
We would all love our husbands to return to the men they were and not this substitute we are left with. You cannot help until he wants it.
Try to look after yourself and your family through all this. I know its hard but your health has to be looked after too. Keep strong.