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Six weeks, that’s brilliant. I’m glad you are feeling good with it too, like you said it can only get better.
Update. Husband has not left the marital home yet. I don’t know when ‘next week’ is up after the ‘conversation’ last Thursday. Obviously it’s not that uncomfortable as he said it was living here and not loving me anymore. He went out last night for a ‘mates’ birthday and returned two hours later as he said he would. No drink or any added extras. It doesn’t make things better for me now though as I’m getting more anxious him being here, waiting for him to throw another wobbly. In fact I don’t think I’m bothered anymore whether he sniffs or not. Has he pushed me to my limit? I don’t know.
Keep up the book reading. I’m a reader myself. 🙂
That’s great going home and all was ok. You do have to have a life, it can be a lonely existence.
I can’t give advise but I feel for you being put in this position. You will worry if you go out and if you stay in you feel like a prisoner through no fault of your own.
I hope you feel better with writing that letter and putting down on paper your feelings. At least it has shown him that you are not giving up on him and you will be there for him when he is ready. I hope that mother/son relationship you long for is what will motivate you to get yourself well and that will make you stronger.
As nothing you have done in the past has changed anything, do you think if you concentrate on getting yourself well, you will be strong enough to support your son when he decides to accept help and come off the heroin. You are not then turning your back on him, you are recharging yourself for when that day comes. It is heartbreaking to be advised to let your son go but this way you will be ready and fit for action without feeling you have abandoned him.
It is hard to extract ourselves from the situation and I can’t run away either.
I try not to get annoyed nowadays or at least try not to show it.
My husband doesn’t manipulate like yours does though as the love is not there anymore for control. I’m the same I wish he would disappear off the face of the earth.
Yesterday I had a phone call at work from husband, he was talking about my mums financial issues and saying how he would always support her. (She has dementia) He was also talking about my siblings and their other halves taking advantage of us. As he was going to work he would talk to me about it later. I was really moved by this and quite emotional as he was talking to me like my soul mate, my loving, supportive husband who could talk to me about anything and everything ……..wait for it, he didn’t get in till after I had gone to bed and he didn’t wake me up, so we didn’t have that conversation.
I try to accept now that at the time he is probably concerned or wants to do something. But later he has forgotten all about it. This is for my sanity. Like you it hurts me so much, you are not alone.
It would be a best seller with all the rantings and ravings. How many more people are there out there suffering the same as us I don’t know. If only we knew of the devastation that coke could cause us, this recreational drug.
The folk on this site have been so understanding and supportive.
I’m sorry that I have offended you.
I genuinely get emotional about how it has affected us and don’t wish it on anyone.
My husband and I, were I thought rock solid. It wasn’t an issue for me that he took coke it really wasn’t. Recreational use was never a problem. Cash is no issue. I feel that when something came along that caused great stress (the court case) that the coke took hold in a way I cannot explain. The use of coke would not have been a problem I think, if the stressful situation hadn’t come along.
‘Run like the wind’ 😉
If you have no history or much history keep clear. Don’t make any memories. It would be different if you did have a history together and I would say support him.
I’m living my worst nightmare, fourteen wonderful years and then seven months and counting of pure hell.
I agree with the questionnaire 1. do you take coke. 2. Have you ever taken coke. 3…….
It will not be plain sailing we all know the score, but you are getting stronger.
I write stuff down myself, I have to otherwise I wouldn’t believe what was happening myself.
I was a bit brave today, I saved myself £35 a month on my council tax bill with husband leaving our home this week. Not much on the grand scale of things, it wouldn’t be enough for a night out on the ‘coke’ 😉 but a step forward, me taking a bit of control.
Stay strong.
You have an amazing wife and family. You need to stop now, straight away. If you don’t you will end up like my husband and myself. He has ruined our relationship, our lives and the lives of our loving family through coke. Fourteen years of happiness thrown away because he chose cocaine over his devoted wife. The coke has changed him so much, he will never be the loving husband that he once was.
Danny is doing so well listen to his advise and read the devastating stories of our lives with the coke addict.
You have admitted you have an addiction thats a start. (Unlike my predicament) Accept help, open up on here and don’t let coke ruin your life. Take control of the situation and stop the lying. Don’t let the family be parted and support each other, don’t give up. You don’t have to be lost.
That’s brilliant. You know about the alcohol and knowledge is good.
Are you enjoying the normal stuff nowadays? Like the Ikea day and relaxing with the family?
You are not selfish, you have to do whats right for yourself at the time. You are married you haven’t just walked out without trying to help over the years. Like Danny says you have to admit you have an addiction not just a problem.
I’m in a similar situation (if you read the other stories) my husband hasn’t even admitted he has a problem with the cocaine never mind addicted to the stuff. But alcohol is the trigger in our case, he has a drink with his mates then out comes the coke. But then again if you are craving it you’re gonna take it anyway. I’m fighting a loosing battle too, you are not alone here and no one will judge you leaving.