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I think you know by now positivity is a no show. You have to smirk. It’s all negative these days. I’m just trying to understand. There is some bad shit going on with people around you Danny makes you think about its affect on you and those children that will be left. Heartbreaking.

When he was clean believe me he could remember everything, in fact he remembered everything up till seven months ago.

It seems to be the last four years he is having a problem with. Well not him, me. Looking back that’s when he started getting ‘coke friends’ around him. Even helping with the house on occasion. He didn’t go out much but it looks like this is the time he got a bit of a taste for the coke, but says he hid it from me and it didn’t have any effect. Then last year about this time he’s upping the dosage from two a year to four or five a night when going out. Depending on the lie or the ‘showing off’ I’m really not sure, not that it makes a difference as in my opinion he’s still addicted to the stuff.

He is 38 and over the last seven months has been smoking heavily. He doesn’t do cannabis.

I think this staying in and the no smoking is a cover up for the coke that I told him he’d chosen over his wife on Thursday night.

I’m not being so gullible nowadays and trying to gain knowledge from folk that know the score.

[hox]

Wishing you peace in your heart and mind.

Good luck in your new home Elaine and your new life.

[hox]

Between two and eight years. I have tried to be brave and have been supportive but after the cocaine abuse I feel like all this has been thrown in my face. I feel humiliated. Folk have known how much I have been there for him only to be cast aside at the last hurdle. I know the treatment dished out is not deserved.

[hox]

I will get in touch, I’m glad they are helping you out. They might be able to help me too.

[hox]

Keep up the good work, you are doing brilliantly and helping a lot of us on your journey.

[hox]

I have stood by him and I will continue to do so, I haven’t faltered in my support over the court case.

He does need time locked away for us both, hopefully to get the chemicals (if there are any) out of his system and I know he’s in a safer environment. It’s a horrible thought though when you’ve previously wanted him proven innocent so that we could carry on our lives without the dark cloud hanging over us.

[hox]

Yes he’s likely to go to prison. It’s been hanging over our heads for over two years. You are right he hasn’t any love for anyone or anything.

I have a few friends that I can talk to but most are mutual friends as you do in happy coupledom, I couldn’t burden them with my unhappiness and troubles. It’s a lonely time and we have definitely hit rock bottom.

Worst thing is he says he doesn’t go out three times a week and hasn’t stayed out all night for a long time plus he doesn’t get drunk two nights in a row. If he can’t remember these things how can he remember watering that seed?

[hox]

Update. He’s been out a few times over the last few weeks one he came home drunk at 4am. The other he stayed out for fifteen hours. Called me on the way home and said he’d been to London. Then later it’s somewhere else. After wasting hours in bed on Sunday he is violently sick, Nothing unusual but he’s telling me there’s something wrong as he’s sicking blood. He won’t go to the doctors.

Today he called me at work saying that he’s moving out next week as he doesn’t love me and doesn’t know why, he feels uncomfortable. He also feels guilty and cannot stop crying as he says he knows how much he’s hurting me but cannot help how he’s feeling., He cannot explain how he went from loving me so much and couldn’t live without me to nothing. When I asked about the welfare of his animals he says that he doesn’t care when he’s losing humans in his life. He says that he will continue the renovations on our house and will give me money each month because he won’t let me go without financially. Why bother about me?

I have spoken to him and he now swears on his dads life that he hasn’t been abusing cocaine only alcohol. He says that about four years ago he had been on it for a while but it didn’t affect his mind at the time. He admitted that he kept that away from me. Now he takes a tiny bit to keep him going when drinking.

What do you think? I’m at a loss.

I was brave earlier and told him to leave as I was so angry and upset about him telling me he was moving out, in fact giving me notice. But then I relented, I couldn’t bear to see him so upset and told him not to go, even though to see him upsets me and to be apart does also. He says that he fully understands if I hate him and he deserves all he gets. He hopes that he is sent to prison in a few months when the trial goes ahead as he wants to distance himself from everyone and all around him but when asked he says he’s not worried about the prospect of going to court.

I’m going to be upset next week when he moves out but I think I have got slightly braver. We have talked more today than we have in months regretfully not to a happy ending.

[hox]

I know it is going to get worse. I hope now that when the trial comes round that he is sent down. That will remove him from the situation he puts himself in.

[hox]

It’s hard when he laughs at me and says he hasn’t got a problem with coke. I spoke to him last week and said that I thought he was having three lines a week over three days. No he laughed and said sometimes more than five a night. He has turned away from his loved ones that would only want the best for him. He only sees the ‘coke’ friends now. He hasn’t reached the point of wanting or needing help. This has only been happening for seven months and I only found out the cause of our problems before new year.

He brushes me off.

[hox]

My husband would too. If I was upset he would be upset too. Cry with me. We were that close. Like you say, emotionless now. He looks right through me. There is nothing in those eyes.

[hox]

I am in the same position regarding what I thought was recreational use of cocaine by my husband.

It has now become a habit. A habit that he has to have every time he goes out with his mates drinking. He says he hasn’t got a problem so I have to wait until he realises he does.

It is heartbreaking but he doesn’t care about anyone that was close to him. He cuts us off completely. All he is interested in is his ‘coke’ friends. He is not interested in our home or work either.

Like my husband says…..he’s a big boy, it’s his life and he can do what he wants……..

What can I say, he is an adult. I’m making myself ill worrying. I need to keep well in mind and body just in case he does need me. It’s a waiting game.

[hox]

I have never been angry or shouted at my husband before all this.

Now I cannot tell you how angry I am and how much I shout at him when I feel like it. I say when I feel like it because most of the time I am emotionless. I now try to cut off like he does. Sometimes I feel like I’m all cried out.

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I’ve never seen him do it. I’m wondering if he does it in the bathroom as he does close the door nowadays. Sorry 😉

[hox]

My husband hated the thought of using at home. He would always go to his ‘mates’. homes. Even though they have children. He was actually embarrassed at the thought of me seeing him do it, said it was disgusting. That was this time last year.

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