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If I was upset or cried my husband would cry with me. Before the coke took hold. There is no love towards me he feels like a different person. Like you say if his dad died he would have no emotion now.
I have stopped getting angry with him and try to be what was my normal self its hard work when all I want to do is rip his head off. Hopefully he will realise that coke is the problem. It has definitely altered his mind.
Ridiculous ain’t it. But what you say is true, you have made me smirk.
Same thing here, fourteen wonderful years of marriage and not a cross word. A perfect marriage for both of us. Then came the coke. It has destroyed my life. It hasn’t destroyed his though as he is a different person. He hasn’t got a problem. Sometimes I think that he has blanked out all of these happy years. He has no emotions. I love my husband but this thing he has become I am coming to hate. I too hope my husband returns to being the loving man he used to be.
He would have to go to the local leisure centre lol and it isn’t good enough. Only for lightweights. I’ve asked him to stop the steroids and he said his last lot was seven or eight months ago. That must be true as thats the time he stopped going to the gym. But that is also when he started going out more drinking and doing the coke.
Well tonight he’s feeling ill and not going out to play. He’s coughing feeling dizzy and he’s got red hot skin and feeling cold inside.
He is also planning on going back to the gym after seven months. This is a start but the coke friends also go to the gym and take steroids. Let’s see what happens.
I haven’t asked him to choose.
The reason being for six months I couldn’t understand why the drastic change of personality. The other ailments I could put down to anything. The constant cold and sniffling. The blocked nose and nosebleeds. The stomach ache and aching bones. The tiredness. All I thought was he was stressed about the case and under the weather.
It is only because I have had six months of going over in my mind what went wrong. Mulling over everything. Had time to work out what he was doing, going out drinking and who with. Who he didn’t bother with. Who he’d turned against. The hobbies he used to love and the activities he pursued, that he didn’t want to do anymore. Had no passion for.
I only realised after Christmas what he’d been doing.
I talked with a trusted friend who has a wide range of associates and friends with differing problems. It was a lightbulb moment and I should have clicked before.
Now I feel that my moment was missed. In the beginning I could have asked him to choose if I’d realised. Now he hasn’t a problem, he can’t see it. Then again I didn’t see it.
That’s when I finally crumbled and went online to find answers and then help for myself. I feel I need to wait now for something bad to happen.
You said when you look back you’d been doing it for eight years. He’s been doing it for probably three years occasionally. Now it’s the denial stage and it looks like there’s a long way to go yet, till something really bad happens to him physically or mentally and for him to come to his senses. I feel he has a long way to go.
He doesn’t have suicidal thoughts, yet. He used to cry a lot about seven months ago now he’s more agitated and impatient.
I have been thinking of what its doing to him mentally or going to as he doesn’t understand people that do have depression or any mental illness. He has no understanding of it, just impatient.
Eight years, I feel like we haven’t even started.
Dan, what made you realise you had a problem?