Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Glad you had a great time Dan.
Yeah they do like blonde hair we went with friends. ‘Husband’ was gonna thump one of the waiters for touching me, he didn’t go anywhere near my mate she’s a red head lol. I couldn’t go anywhere by myself. Never again. That was fifteen years ago, they could have evolved since then.
I honestly don’t know what to say that I haven’t said before. As soon as you start abusing cocaine it’s a relationship/family breaker.
I am in the same situation, as are many others on here. Husbands sniffing coke for one reason or another, usually an upset in their lives as I see it.
The only way you can support him is when he reaches out and accepts he has an addiction. No amount of talking, begging or reasoning will get through to him, cocaine will win in most situations. Try to look after yourself and your babies wellbeing firstly. You can do no other as the cocaine is looking after him. Keep strong and I hope the drugs worker can help.
You will get support on here I wish you well.
You are not alone.
I think you are doing the right thing where food is concerned. Drink comes first.
My sister was the same regarding jobs. She could get them even though she was drinking, she hid it well. But eventually she wouldn’t be able to cope and the job would be lost.
It took years to come to this stage though, as she would deny she had a problem.
My sister is an alcoholic. She used to blame anyone but herself for drinking anything that she could get her hands on. Her husband, her friends, me if I argued with her in fact any body.
She used to say she hadn’t got a problem and alcohol services were of no help what so ever. She could not hold down any job as she couldn’t cope.
Only her husband making her leave the marital home worked. After losing everything, no husband, no family. no home. no money, no car just a bin bag full of clothes did she turn the corner.
AA is the only thing that worked, she’s had a few relapses buy feels much better without the drink.
You have gone above and beyond with your son, and have been supportive but we can only take so much. It’s his choice to drink and only he can stop. Like in my sisters case she had to chose in the end and chose wisely.
I wish you well.
My sister is an alcoholic. She was drinking every day and had a violent temper. After years of physical and mental abuse her husband had had enough. He was mentally drained. He told her to leave. She lost her husband, her son, her home, pets, in fact her whole life .
This was the turning point. After me forcing her to go to AA she realised she is in fact an alcoholic. After abstaining she has realised she can function perfectly without a drink inside her, feels much better in herself and doesn’t lash out verbally and physically anymore.
She has now got back to her family. Without her husband doing this she would have carried on and he would not have had her back. She has had a couple of relapses but still seems to be doing well. AA Meetings are the key to her succeeding, she knows this and if she misses one she relapses.
Her husband doesn’t enable her by buying her drinks though. She used to sneak out, buy it and hide it. Her son didn’t think his mum drinking was ok. He hated seeing his mum in a state and causing arguments and fighting.
You need to start looking after yourself.
I’m surviving Georgia.
‘Husband’ is now residing at HMP. But nothing has changed, he is still the vile creature that the sniffing turned him into.
I have found out he is in debt and has left me to cope with everything on the outside. It’s a cruel world, why couldn’t he stick to once or twice a year instead of being a greedy b*****d. xx
Hi Georgia.
I’m so glad things at looking up for you both.
You have done a hell of a lot for your ex and he has caused you pain, heartache and depression, which you have had to seek help for.
We know they are not the loving person they used to be and would love them to return, say it’s been a big mistake, they miss us, they love us and have given up the cocaine for good.
We live in hope, but like you say he has to do it quick before its too late. You deserve respect and you are not receiving it.
Look after yourself physically and mentally because if he does return it will be to a better, stronger you.
I understand the struggle, the evenings are definitely the worst. I found Netflix helps. Something to concentrate on instead of the loneliness and anxiety.
He blames you so his family blame you. Lies and manipulation.
Keep yourself busy and concentrate on yourself and your children instead of your ex. He’s an adult and has to look after himself, he has made the choice using coke.
Keep strong.
It has been an awful twelve months.
It is not a good situation for you to be in, being held to ransom with your girls. I can understand you feeling stuck and through no fault of your own.
We have no children. I cannot imagine what it would be like for me or for our children if we had them, with an addict for a father. Heartbreaking for all concerned.
This forum has been my rock in my deepest, darkest days I can tell you. I didn’t know where to turn.
There is no real emotion in my ‘husband’ like you say they don’t ‘feel’ anymore. It’s like they have become an alien being. No amount of talking helped, he just didn’t register my feelings in all of this, only his own. He became selfish for the first time in our lives together.
It’s not a mid life crisis is it. It’s a ‘cocaine crisis’ and our lives will never be the same again. It has been an awful twelve months.
I can understand your family not liking him, you can’t expect them to. He has in their eyes chosen drugs over you, his family. We do know it’s not as easy as that though, there is always something that triggers an addiction. That is not an excuse though.
I’m still heartbroken now, I don’t think I will ever get over what cocaine has done to us as a loving couple and to our families. Our families were so close.
My ‘husband’ was the same. Just a social thing once, twice a year max. I’m probably exaggerating at that. I didn’t notice a change in him when he did cocaine infrequently.
Then came the stress of a court case. Upped the drinking and upped the sniffing. Cocaine changed his mind set. He found no pleasure in anything that he once had. I didn’t realise until it was too late. My ‘husband’ now doesn’t love me any more. He doesn’t mix with the folk we used to. He has ruined his successful business with not going regularly and is now detained at HMP.
I am now going to lose the house and everything we have both worked hard for.
If only I had known what I know now.
Same here. ‘Husband’ said he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t know why. Told me to get on with my life. It was so sudden it stunned me. He would cry for reasons I couldn’t work out, because why would you cry if you didn’t love or care about someone and what you are doing to them. I wouldn’t but then again I don’t sniff coke.
Fourteen years of marriage to my soul mate and then nothing. It was so out of character but then so was the regular use of cocaine and drinking excessively.
It is the cocaine talking, we cannot all be wrong. It changes everything about them. It also changes the way they treat others that are close too, you just don’t realise because you think its just you.
You are not alone.
Definitely someone else. We are both tone deaf lol. That’s made me smile.