[hw12]

I understand completely what your saying. Do you think maybe she is pushing you away so she doesn’t have to deal with it?

I think whatever the reason, I know for you it might not seem like it. But your better off out of it, right now it’s still fresh and it hurts. But if she doesn’t want that better life it’s always going to be a problem. And your always going to come second to it.

And I know how horrible that is. Normal decent people, talk through problems and worries not just walk away from it all.

Me ex has also done this before, like he always had the upper hand even though he was the addict because my love for him outweighed everything. I just wanted him to be ok and be with us.

Buy I’m finally getting past that now. I didn’t need him in mine and my kids like, I chose to have him there because he made us happy. And he hasn’t done that for a very long time.

It’s good to keep busy, I feel lucky I’m still at work during lockdown. Been cooking good healthy meals and taking some time for myself focusing on my goals. Because we get forgotten in all of this.

[hw12]

Hi hope you are well, thought I would check in and see how you are getting on?

I completely understand so much about you hoping the good person is still in there somewhere, I found and I am still finding that so hards to give up on.

I find myself thinking alot about the good times and the nice things but I have to remind myself that things haven’t been like that for a long time and sometimes holding on is alot harder than letting go.

I feel like I have been stuck on this constant merry go round waiting for that good person and these good times to return but they haven’t. We have had the odd good days but it’s always one step forward then two steps back.

He contacted me recently by text to make a point he was going to work like it’s some huge achievement which it may be to him, but to me it worked every Monday to Friday throughout all the lockdowns and my children are in school while he lays in bed all day, I really didn’t feel like giving him a pat on the back. Just feel resentful. Saying he loves me and misses me, but for how long before the next problem. Always something with an addict and a recovering one. Think I’m ready for a happy quiet life with my kids.

[hw12]

I find it hard calling him ex to be honest, I never imagined it would ever come to this. And deep down I wish everything could just be ok. But I really don’t see how it can, so much has happened. The trust especially, he’s told so many lies even when he hasn’t been using. Said so many hurtful things, I do love him but I feel so resentful and angry.

I really hope that your partner sees sense, she is lucky to have someone like you who only wants the best for her and the children.

[hw12]

I find it hard calling him ex to be honest, I never imagined it would ever come to this. And deep down I wish everything could just be ok. But I really don’t see how it can, so much has happened. The trust especially, he’s told so many lies even when he hasn’t been using. Said so many hurtful things, I do love him but I feel so resentful and angry.

I really hope that your partner sees sense, she is lucky to have someone like you who only wants the best for her and the children.

[hw12]

Hi hope your well, I think that’s exactly it, ignoring reality. My ex partner was taking £100 a day of cocaine at one point, because I don’t think he could face life without it. And now he just doesn’t bother getting up at all.

He works for himself so as you can imagine he doesn’t get much done. He’s lost endless amount of jobs in the past and always letting people down.

The drugs will always be around and available but he didn’t have to welcome them into his flat and back into his life again, after everything that’s been destroyed because of them. Think thats what’s annoyed me.

He’s doing this. Not the drugs, he’s putting himself back in that vulnerable situation instead of getting up and going to work.

How are you feeling about things?

As much as it hurts, I think we will thank ourselves in the future for breaking away from all of this.

Take care

[hw12]

Hi hope your well, I think that’s exactly it, ignoring reality. My ex partner was taking £100 a day of cocaine at one point, because I don’t think he could face life without it. And now he just doesn’t bother getting up at all.

He works for himself so as you can imagine he doesn’t get much done. He’s lost endless amount of jobs in the past and always letting people down.

The drugs will always be around and available but he didn’t have to welcome them into his flat and back into his life again, after everything that’s been destroyed because of them. Think thats what’s annoyed me.

He’s doing this. Not the drugs, he’s putting himself back in that vulnerable situation instead of getting up and going to work.

How are you feeling about things?

As much as it hurts, I think we will thank ourselves in the future for breaking away from all of this.

Take care

[hw12]

Well up until him saying that last night I didn’t know he had started dealing it.

Just really upset me because he cut all ties with his “contacts” and obviously now hes back in that social circle. He’s got a very very good job and gets paid well, he just never gets up for work!

[hw12]

I feel exactly the same I could say so much about the things that have happened.

I know deep down I have given him all the support I can to try and stop his addiction, iv listened and said nothing when the things I was hearing was breaking my heart. Couples counselling didn’t work because he felt like the counselor was taking my side. He can’t see what he’s been like.

I called to see him last weekend, my children was there. He opened the door and he was laid in complete darkness, it was a tip and he looked in an awful state. Thats when I saw the powder on the side, he shouted at me to get out. I left and I knew then I can’t do all this again.

I deserve better and my kids certainly do.

He text me this afternoon saying he is sorry and he’s let me down again and he’s hasn’t been taking it but dealing it! Like I’m supposed to be pleased about that?!

Sorry for rambling, can’t type quick enough????

[hw12]

Morning, I read all your story last night. You seem like such a decent person that only wanted what was best. It so sad that some people can’t find their way. My ex partner, had periods of being ok, but it never stopped me wondering when the next time may be, or what mood will come the day after. He used to spend days in bed, either on a come down or sleeping now life away so he didn’t have to get up and face it all.

When I think back I was already alone. And constantly down and upset and angry inside. He used to say things about my parenting, that I do too much for my children and that my son had put weight one (he 10 and got a totally normal BMI) no big for his age at all. He has such a terrible relationship with 2 of his own children and has one child he has nothing to do with despite my encouragement. You sound like you have done everything you can to want a better life for your ex partners kids.

[hw12]

Hi thank you for your words, discussing things with people that understand has been such a relief to me at difficult times.

I think for me that’s the thing i can’t let go of the hope that maybe the man I fell In love with returns. But it could never ever be how it was, the trust has completely gone for me and respect. I worshipped the ground he walked on. I knew him for years as friends but we were together only 2 years it was an absolute whirlwind, I had just come out of a 10 year relationship (I’m only 33) and he came into my life and helped my put myself back together. He was my rock.

We got engaged and planned to get married this year. Seems like another life now.

I hope you find the strength to deal with this too, its soul destroying. Are you still with your partner?

[hw12]

Thank you so much for replying. I have read so many sad stories, and I can relate to everyone of them. I know what you are saying is right, I have 2 choices. I feel like offering the support and staying involved in it all is just setting myself up for hurt and dissapointment and lies. Then walking away upsets me because i know then I have completely give up, when we met I was the happiest in my life, plans to marry, my kids love him. And I feel like I have been holding onto the idea of things being back that way. But they won’t. It just feels like a dream now. I love him but hate him for everything he’s done to our relationship. It’s so difficult to deal with mentally.

[hw12]

So pleased for you dot, you have given me some great advice when I have needed it at some really hard times in 2020. You have done amazing. Well done!

[hw12]

Thank you dot. I think writing on here just confirms things in my own head. Im going to trust my judgement, because something is off. And if id done that before i would have been right all along. Thanks for listening to me

[hw12]

Thank you dot.

My suspisions are growing, i drove up to see him Saturday afternoon as my daughter made him a gift and he was in bed at 230pm. He got up yesterday at 1pm went straight back to bed and i havent heard a thing from him. He was also grumpy and snappy saying he felt unwell. Feels like dejavu!

[hw12]

Can anyone recommend tests for cocaine please. The ones i got are off ebay and are urine tests called one step. Thank you in advance

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