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Dot she will be distancing herself to protect her own feelings and i can relate to that. Trust has been broken with drug use and its going to take time. All you can keep doing is being the best dad you can and being commited to your recovery.

I have just been to take my partner some things, its so hard seeing him and wishing i could just bring him home with me and everything be ok. And i know they would be for a few days and then i would be back on here in a few month, begging for advice. He tried beating it on his own and with therapy and he cant. I dont know what else he can do other than rehab and we dont have that kind of money

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Dot, you have come such a long way in these 19 days you need to focus on that and your kids. That message could have been to anyone so try not to let your mind get carried away. She’s probably still hurt in her own way, i know hpw that feels. But you are doing everything you can, and you just need to keep doing it. I wish my partner would realise and be serious about it like you are. Can i ask what made you suddenly make the decision to stop? Did something give you a wake up call or did you just do it. Either way your doing everything you can.

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Ash thats exactly what hes been like. I was always treading on egg shells he would accuse me of going with the next door neighbour ( hes not exactly a hot guy infact hes quite the opposite)

I too felt like i was going mad, and have believed its me. Broke down so many times with that horrible feeling in my stomach like iv got now that just wont go away. I wish sometimes that i didnt love him because it would be easier. My family are all upset with me for still wanting to help him, at a time when i need support more than ever. I know what they are thinking but they don’t understand, they don’t understand its not him.

I dropped him at his friends last night and even though iv prayed at times for him to not be in this house while he’s disrespecting me and sleeing all day but it was so empty without him. My hearts empty without him. I just never imagined things turning out like this, he was my world when he wasnt. I just dont know what to do for the best now

[hw12]

Thank you for talking to me. Its the only place i can be completely trutful because my family just think hes an addict who i should run a million miles from which he is. But i got to the love the person behind it thats why im finding it so hard to just give up on him. Do you mind me asking what your partner was like when he was using and how often? Because since i found out he was using almost every day or every other, hes been nasty with his comments , snappy argumentative or asleep. He’s honestly blamed me for everything, because when i stood up for myself and spoke back when he disrespected me that when he started turning things on to me saying i need help and im a bitch and im bipolar x

[hw12]

He stopped for 4 weeks at xmas and then all this started again buy 100 times worse and hes been awful to live with. He has spent days and days in bed and he finally told me yesterday hes been doing it so hes not craving cocaine. I wish he had been this honest before it was too late. All iv begged him for is to be honest and hes told me lie after lie. And only now has he decided to be open and honest. He told me i never understood, but he wouldn’t let me because he wouldn’t talk to me about it. I could have helped more if i knew.x

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Thanks kitten mitten its the hardest thing i have ever done. The only things thats getting me through it is my kids and talking on here to people like you who understand me because anyone else just thinks I should run a mile and hates his guts they don’t understand.

I did give him the chance as a family at xmas and then behind my back from feb hes been using almost every day. The signs were there u trusted what he said i was stupid. I didnt it would happen because he wanted it so much and knew what he stood to lose. He couldnt control it obviously. Hes now got no one its killing me because hes going to go one way ot another and im scared that cocaine will win because it always has ruined every relationship even with his parents, kids everything.

But him staying here, knowing now that he was doing it explains so much about why he was like he was with me and why we argued etc. I was to an extent enabling him to have that lifestyle.

[hw12]

He has admitted it all, i have never heard him so honest he told me everything. He said “im an addict been an addict for years and talking to someone wont fix this, i dont know what will” he said its worse now because hes alone and im wondering now if iv made biggest mistake ever doing this to him but he needed to realise he would have never stopped at home he was going behind my back and getting worse and worse. He admitted hes worst hes been now in 16 years. Its so sad.

How did you start helping your husband? How did you start to trust him again?

I want to help him so much because everyone else has turned their back on him and now i know why. Hes got no one apart from to turn to his drug dealing ‘mates’. But i dont know how to when i cant have him back in the family home with how he was. Ultimatums wont work, thats what he had at xmas and now we are here x

[hw12]

Thank you so much for your advice. Im a wreck because of all this to be honest. If i didnt love him i could just walk away and never see him ever again. Im doing this because my head knows its what needs to be done but if I listened to my heart its just aching for him. What an awful situation to be stuck in.

I just want him to wake up to reality. He had so much pain behind his eyes he told me he cant stop, and hes tried its controlling him. I just dont know what else to do anymore x

[hw12]

Hi have had to come on here because this is the only real place anyone understands. Im just trying to hold it together at home with my 2 kids while my heart is breaking.

I feel like i have had to do this because if he carried on like he was at home his addiction would have clearly got worse, it already has because its allowing him to do it. He has a family at his side for when hes ready to join in and a bed to lay in all day. I dropped him at a friends last night, he can only stay one night. So really i have made him homeless, which is killing me. He admitted everything to me just before he left, after months of me asking him and begging him to be hoenst with me. He said the worst thing for him to be doing this alone and i feel absolutely sick about it. I love and care about him, i feel protective over him and I can’t help it hes like a lost sole.

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Hi ash. You were right i found out my partner is still using. He finally admitted to me he had been clean for a month and has been using almost every day for 4/5 months now. I ignored my gut and all the signs were there.

I have told him to leave, because at xmas i laid everything on the line and he promised me. And i have tried to support him, he lied about going to his sessions. And now He has been lying again and using even more. Im so upset that its come to this, because i love him and care about him so much. But i feel while ever he is here in my home im enabling him to do this. Hes got a comfy bed to sleep 18 hours a day in. He has the money because he barely contributes. I feel sick with him not being here and worry so much that i might have made things worse for his addiction. But i have 2 children at home who have been witnessing his mood swings, and slobbing about and i cant allow it to continue.

[hw12]

I feel responsible because i have asked him to leave but now he feels like hes got nothing and will probably turn to it even more. But i have my children to think about and he had been intolerable at home i have really tried so hard. Hes been taking it along side antidepressants, no wonder hes had absolutely awful mood swings and snapping everyones head off.

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Dot im happy your clean and can see your reasons for doing it, you keep it up and enjoy your kids. he said half a gram sometimes a gram a day, or every other day. But to me im not sure how much that is because iv never done it.

Either way if its a little or alot i ignored my gut and my suspicions were right. Hes been doing it more than ever for the past 4/5 month after promising to get clean at xmas. He just keeps saying i dont understand and i know i cant because im not an addict but i do want to try and understand. I dont know what he means by this. All he keeps saying is everythings not black and white.

[hw12]

Hi, i was on here yesterday in the process of throwing out my partner because of how he was behaving sleeping all the time etc. Swore to me he was clean since xmas. That was his chance.

He left today with no where to go and finally admitted he has been using since February and almost every day £60-100 a day. Can someone tell me if this is alot? Because obviously it sounds alot in money but i have no idea. He said 1/2 gram to a gram.

Im absolutely devastated and i cant believe i didnt know again after last time i must be an absolute idiot for trying to trust he wouldn’t and believing him even though signs were there.

I should have trusted my gut.

I feel so sad not just for me but for him, he actually can not stop. It controls him completely, i didnt know it did but it does.

[hw12]

Iv had to do this. Hes making me think its me.

When in reality he’s obviously been an addict for 16 years. Hes got 3 children 2 he sees every 6 week or so and 1 he doesnt see at all. Doesnt pay any maintenance and then has nerve to comment on my parenting and spend his days in bed while my kids watch it.

When his daughters mum left him in 2012 he tried to commit suicide and very nearly died. He has been at very low points before and it’s obviously not enough to stop him because it was only last November he was going out to his van on my drive doing a line of coke then coming back into the house. Its wrecked his life

[hw12]

I have just spent an hour on the phone with his mum and from the sound of it he was kicked out 16 years ago by his daughters mum for drugs. And then again by another ex, and now its happening to me. She said she has seen these behaviours in him before.

He said hes going at 5pm. He thinks im just a bitch thats happy kicking him out. The truth is im hurt, and its killing me. Iv lost the man i love and this is the only way for me to get myself back to normal. I have never felt like i do no with regards to my mental health i have always been a strong person. Feel like im grieving for the person he was before all this. His mum told me his ex said 16 years ago she thought he needed it to feel normal, and i agree i think he does x

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