[hw12]

Im currently in the process of getting him to leave my home which if im honest is heart breaking. Because deep down i love this man but i dont love the person he has become and i dont like the person i have become either. So this is something that has to happen to get some control back over my life. My ex partner (childrens dad) even has to make child arrangements through him and have no contact with me because he is paranoid something is going. Every aspect of my life is affected by this and i cant let it anymore

[hw12]

Its terrible. I have asked him to leave this is my home what he came into because he had no where to go. I lived here 6 years before he moved in. He said he wont leave till he finds somwhere even though hes not looking because hes asleep all the time so in a way i am trapped too. I just want my life back. I dont go out anywhere, i spend all my time alone with just my children, i cant have anyone to the house because hes asleep on sofa, my family cant stand him because they have seen what hes done to me. We went on a rare night out at xmas and he showed me up in front of a random man in the pub saying that i was flirting with him i didnt even know the guy. He hasnt got any where to go because hes burnt his bridges with everyone already. He is like an absolute leech, and would carry on sucking life out of me till im dead. I need to break away now.

[hw12]

Thank you for your honesty. I too dont know what is truth and whats is lies. If he’s clean like he states there are so many things with him that dont add up. Nose always runny(claims its hayfever), sleeps all days sometimes 18hours, took money from my bag, goes out at 2am, 4am or goes for a ‘walk’ sometimes at midnight and blames it on me doing something to upset him. He answers phone just says yes or no, no actual flowing conversation, ‘friends’ come outside and pick him up in car go round the block then come back but apparently have come to tell him something. On top of this how he speaks to me is vile, hes snappy and lies about even the smallest things. And im supposed to believe hes clean, but even if he is. I still dont want this behaviour around me and my children hes turned into such a mess its sad really.

[hw12]

He turns everything round on me, blames my behaviour. When i met him i was kind caring and would have done anything for him and did and i didnt know about his cocaine addiction so to a point I enabled it for a while. Then when I stopped and I toughened up he didnt like it, thinks im a bitch. Doesnt realise he made things like this. I have changed as a person im so upset and angry and resentful towards him, but he hust blames me. Says im bitter and twisted and i should just get over it. If i wake him up when hes been asleep for almost 24 hours he will say “how is it causing you a problem im not hurting anyone” but seeing him like this is doing quite the opposite. I thought it was depression and i got him to drs and hes on tablets and to be fair i think hes had depression for years but i think the reason now is because before he was using drugs to feel normal. And now he’s apparently clean, he hasnt got that to lift him up so he comes back down to his reality of deep depression. He is honestly jekyll and hyde.

[hw12]

Im so sorry to hear you are going through something like that especially with children involved i know what its like and its tough. As a parent its natural to want to protect them, but my partner sees this is as me smothering them. He has so many things to say about how I should parent. Yet when we first me met and i had been a single mum he said i was an amazing mum and the kids were lucky to have me. He wished the kids were his. I can see he doesnt think that now from how he is.

Being trapped like that is an awful situation for you, and with you saying your partner sleeps all day. Mine does this too. Sometimes 18 hours at a time, usually 1-2 days a week but even more since lockdown, im practically on my own anyway. It causes so much frustration i cant even explain it, my daughter especially gets upset asking him to get up etc. He doesnt care. Hes accused me of allsorts apparently iv been with my next door neighbour, a guy who came to do maintenance at my property, he thinks i dont have a sexual relationship with him because im trying to get rid of an std when in reality im so hurt by him i cant bring myself to be emotionally engaged in anything to do with him. Its like iv had to detatch myself, because i would have honestly had a break down.

[hw12]

Kitten mitten i had to reach out and reply to your comment on the post because it sounds exactly like my situation.

My partner, who i have recently asked to move out has been doing cocaine for over 10 years. We have been together for 2. He was amazing, caring loving until I found out about it all. He was the best step dad to my kids. Now his comments he makes are disgusting the arguments just get worse, he’s emotionless. He turns everything round as if its me, and i have at times questioned if it is. When its not, its him! What has led to him finding somewhere to live is him being snappy with my 7 year old. He says i don’t discipline the children and that i smother them too much. He criticises me so much as a parent when he spends his days in bed and has 3 children of his own he doesnt see or provide for. I am so sad about losing the man i loved but he isnt there anymore. I related to alot you said in your post. My children do and always will come first, thats why iv made the decision. Wish you the best in your situation i know how hard it is.

[hw12]

My partner is exactly like this, the hurtful comments. So many things that he has said that have caused me so much hurt. I dont know alot only what iv read online but he told me had been addicted for over 10 years, i think maybe he has been clean like he said but using before made him feel more normal. As awful as it sounds when he was using he was a much nicer person than what im dealing with now even tho all the time we have been together he has always had days in bed, sometimes sleeps for 18 hours. And his comments have always been nasty but back then he used to fee awful about them after and bed for my forgiveness. Now he’s absolutely emotionless!

[hw12]

Hi everyone thank you for your comments, i have just finally sat down to read them all after a very long day. I have made the decision to ask my partner to move out, it not something i have decided on lightly. Our relationship has been off ever since i found out he was using in December even though i have tried my hardest to fully support him. Hes not the man i fell in love with and that breaks my heart…in a way it feels like hes died. I dont like the person i am and how im reacting to situations because of him. I cant remember ever feeling this much stress and strain in my every day life. Hes like a leach, whos sucking everything out of me. He calls me names, does nothing but sleep all day, hes snappy with my children. Hes sneaky and dishonest. Whether hes takings cocaine at the moment or if hes clean like he says he is. I dont want to spend anymore time trying to shield my kids from all this negativity. Having a conversation with his mum for the first time today, she told me she has seen him like this before and he was using in 2012 and thats why he doesnt have contact with his own daughter ( he told me another reason). He owes drug dealers alot of money aswell. Its just never ending. The trust and respect have well and truly gone.

[hw12]

Thank you so much for your reply.

[hw12]

I feel exactly the same. Its completely not normal to miss work because you cant get up, and spend weekends just slobbing about. His behaviour is selfish.

He too has also seen my sobbinh my heart out and just said why are you even crying. Hes so heartless now. Before he would have got upset if i was upset. He was also my best friend. I miss what we had and what we had to look forward too. Hes ruined all that. And i hate him for it and im resentful

[hw12]

I could honestly write your posts. My partner admitted things too when he had a serious low point around xmas. He didnt move out of bed for 5 days and said there was nothing to get up for. Hes not as down and depressed now. But he is honestly like jekyll and hyde. You never know which one you will get. His mood and comments can sometimes be horrible and cold hearted. Then if I retaliate he doesnt like that then turns it round on me as if i have the problem. When i get upset about him staying in bed all day, he just says why have you got such a problem im not hurting anyone. Doesnt make it normal tho does it when hes got a family who wants to spend time with him.

Whats your partners mood like? He used to be such a kind and caring person.

[hw12]

I think unless he is willing to admit he has a problem and wants to stop, there is nothing more you can do to convince him? I used to think why does he chose that over his family and why is he spending money on that instead of giving me any money for bills etc. Im so uspet and angry and i cant seem to get past that. Because of all the lies, i dont trust

[hw12]

I think unless he is willing to admit he has a problem and wants to stop, there is nothing more you can do to convince him? I used to think why does he chose that over his family and why is he spending money on that instead of giving me any money for bills etc. Im so uspet and angry and i cant seem to get past that. Because of all the lies, i dont trust anything he says about anything. Hes sneaky with money and phone calls and his ‘friends’ never come to the house. They just come outside in the car but apparently thats normal!

I also work full time which is difficult, he is self employed but he doesnt push himself and wouldnt do anything and sometimes doesnt. Hes lost jobs before from ringing in sick and not getting up. I was paying a Chilminder to take kids to school while he was off work because i cant rely on him to get up.

Children always ask why its just us 3, its like being single. Sometimes i think life would be easier if he just went because at least i wouldnt be feeling so angry and upset with him all the time.

[hw12]

I am in the same position as you. Before i found out about his drug use everything was amazing, he was an amazing stepdad to my kids.

Since finding out it has been a downward spiral of lies and deceit.

Hes horrible to be around. Hes been through very bad bouts of depression which he has now got meds for but only because i made him. He was paranoid and accused me of allsorts. Hes really hurt me along the way and broke my trust so many times.

He told me he would commit to therapy and only went 3 times and used to lie about going. He never gets up before 12-1pm. It was 4.45pm yesterday when he got up and me and the children had gone for a nice walk in the sun he was laid there all day. Which frustrates me so much.

I could easily just walk away from it all. Im always here to talk because i do understand where you are coming from. Its so difficult

[hw12]

Thank you. I feel like i have given up it literally drains everything from me. Like i said hes not the same. So cold hearted and cant rely on him for anything even simple things like getting out of bed. Things that should be normal!

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