[igetyou1000]

I signed up to respond bc I have the same story and wanted to tell you I understand 1000% and if my story helps you.. i wanted to share..

mine admitted a few months into dating that his coke usage was recreational/social on the weekends and he’s always hid it in past relationships but we had such an immediately strong mental connection and ease that he wanted to start the relationship completely honest with me. so I was okay with it since I’ve recreationally used in the past a few times without any issues and.. I really respected that he was honest.

However, I moved in and began to see the true extent of his need for it, with lockdown making it worse. it’s so accessible and no need to hide it from anyone.. even me bc he told me upfront abt it.. morning use to wake up, lunch to curb cravings and small bumps to make it through the work day as it made his work calls sound so much more confident and he zoned in hard until late night. And then he’d wait until I went to bed to have some alone time with his ‘friend’ and take off the edge before any come downs and then he’d sleep like 5-6am and wouldn’t be able to wake up for work at 8am and the vicious cycle would start. his boss would get on his case for not waking up and I hated playing alarm clock. Every night he would come up with a grand plan for the next day to fix his schedule or tone it down, or we tried to come up with game plans to keep him distracted. and every morning I was disappointed because he couldn’t even wake up for work bc he stayed up til 6am again and those actions he always talked abt never followed. How can you trust him as a life partner with children and adulting when you can’t even trust him to get to work on time?

I loved my guy and gave up a vibrant city life to adjust and accommodate to his and I didn’t mind doing that because he was super sweet when he was on his highs and I believed there is a good core person inside.. but I forgot for a while that I have to love me because I was always #2 at best.

It was hard, but I moved out especially as I saw his anxiety, paranoia, irritability, and other ugly things start to peep out even though I know he tried really hard to hold it in. if he wants to stop, only he can make up his mind and take action. Don’t listen to the words bc I feel like they’re really empty; he means well and he wants to, I’m sure.. but coke lies all day, so you gotta let the actions talk.. you’ll be strung along because you can’t change him. Only he can change himself. if he wants you bad enough, he’ll make those efforts to save the relationship. I haven’t talked to my person in a few weeks and I feel like that’s my answer. He chose coke. I chose me. it cuts the heart to go through that loss but better now than years later.. good luck

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