[itsjustme]

I had lost my brother to drugs a few years ago. He battled for years and then fought it every day and stayed clean. I watched as my parents gave up everything to try and save him. He had a relapse and took too much he died. He was my big brother, my only sibling. I had my days, which were many when I was so angry with him and had the same thoughts, started building myself to be strong for the inevitable. All of that anger didn’t matter. I thought the same thing at one point maybe he would be at peace. His loss traumatized in a way I can not describe. I am truly damaged. It’s been 7 years and I still hold the pain of him being gone every single day. I know he is at peace instead of fighting and struggling every single day. He left me alone no matter how I look at it. Now I suffer everyday with a husband who is an addict and I know I can’t save him. I am going to lose him too.

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