[ivy]

Hi Jaynhissay,

Thank you for your offer. Should I ever have an opportunity to talk to my son again when he is lucid, then I will suggest he speak with you or consider a meeting.

I have been following your replies on the forum and I think you are amazing. Your presence and continuing recovery gives us hope.

Keep on keeping on

Ivy x

[ivy]

Hello, I just noticed this message just now. Yes, I will get touch soon.

Also, I too am glad I have found this forum.

Kind regards

Ivy

[ivy]

Dear Lindyloo, Jaynhissay, and anyone else who has taken the time to read this far,

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. They are appreciated and needed very much by me at this time. I pray for your continued recovery Jaynhissay , and the same too for your son Lindyloo. Sincerely.

However I am not yet at a stage where I can buy into the

“ He has to want to stop “ philosophy. He did want to and has tried many times over the years. Now it seems he is preparing to die. He has nowhere to go and noone to really help. The hospitals kick him out overdose after overdose. The social work department are jaded and really don’t have the facilities to help. They just go through the motions. They mostly hate their work, but are in the trap of – I need to pay my bills and the monies not too bad. You can see their contempt towards the heroin addict and feel their lack of enthusiasm.

The police harass the most vulnerable of addicts: the injectors. Although they let the dealers get on with business as usual. The police are corrupt.

I have so many storIes I could tell. Here is one small example.

One time I called the police. I told them that although I do not use drugs myself, I could point out three different doors on one street where I could purchase anything I wanted with just a chap on the door. Heroin, crack, coke, valium, etc. etc . Yet they did nothing except nod in agreement. No interest, no arrests, just business as usual. The reason I called the police was because my son was venturing into his first experience of recovery. This was a few years ago.

My son who was being supported by family and trying his best to quit was given a script for Subutex. He was stopped in the street by the police almost every day on his way to the chemist and strip searched. Humiliated . Day after day, week after week until they broke him. Sent him straight back into the arms of the dealers who were hanging around like the vultures they are. Waiting.

This is the level of corruption the addict is powerless to overcome. I could go on. I have seen a lot now over the years.

Heroin addicts are stigmatised here in Scotland. The general public mostly perceive them as dirty and lazy. Shame and stigma abound on every level. The most vulnerable are the most vilified. People make mistakes.

That’s how it is here in Glasgow. We have the highest death rate in all of Europe. The situation is a failure of society. People drop dead almost daily on the streets in the city centre. Almost 14 in one week at the start of the Covid. Yet people just walk on by. I guess it’s easier for people to pretend it’s not happening, not their problem, which in fairness it isn’t, but where is the humility?

There is no kindness anywhere anymore for the addict who injects. Other than a few wonderful volunteers who walk the streets at night and of course many of the general public who kindly donate to charity. It’s not enough though. We should ALL be volunteering. We should ALL be out protesting. We should be educating each other.

Is another night in watching Boris et al steal from us all really so difficult to give up for a night or so? Could people not march en mass for a few hours and at least try and make a difference. Addicts are not treated this way in other countries, right enough neither are children or pensioners. Sorry, please forgive me my frustration and my diversion.

I have read all of the posts and threads on here. I can relate and take much comfort from your words and experiences, I also feel a little less alone . I admire the strength and sense of community. I’m glad you are all here. I thank you.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to conduct myself in a more lighthearted manner? However I’m not there yet.

Please do not think badly of me for saying this , especially as I have only been shown kindness here and I know this group has my own best interests at heart. Without sounding ungrateful – yoga, meditation, walks in beautiful surroundings aren’t cutting it for me right now. Nothing makes me happy. I practice all of these things regularly . I no longer care that I am dead inside. I don’t even want to be happy right now. I want change and peace for my beautiful boy and all the others who are suffering.

Ivy x

[ivy]

My son behaves like your brother Annon2020. I understand exactly how you feel regarding him being sectioned for 28 days. It must be such a relief for you knowing that at he is safe and receiving professional help. My son was sectioned too about three years ago, but they let him out after only a few days. He was put into temporary accommodation, but was just left there on his own and he deteriorated. When the Covid came He was moved into a B&B for a few months and now he Is homeless again. He begs to fund his addictions ( though this isn’t going well as people don’t tent to carry cash as much due to the Covid ), although he never has enough money because he doesn’t have a switch off bitten. He uses until he becomes unconscious or overdoses. He sleeps where he passes out. People just walk past.

During the past month he has been hospitalised four times. The first two times he was found on the pavement overdosed. The third time he collapsed and landed on his ankle which broke under the pressure. This last time, about 10 days ago he was attacked by dealers whom he owns £60 to . They told him if they didn’t get their money, they would stab him. He was admitted to hospital and had emergency surgery on his arms. He had held them over his head as he was being hit to protect his face. The hospital wanted to keep him in for a day or so after the surgery, but he bolted.

There are free phones in the city Centre and he calls me, but as cruel as this may sound I cannot help. I have been paying his drug debts for years and have lost thousands of pounds.

I also can’t let him into my house as he can be dangerous and the police never do anything to help. I am on my own. My sons father died of cancer 12 years ago, round about the time my son went off the rails. I have tried everything humanly possible to get help for my son, but am met with “ he needs to want to stop “ He does! He just can’t do it on his own. He wishes he was dead, and things have become so bad, well it seems to me that soon he will just become another statistic, as in my experience the authorities etc just don’t care. The social services have been appalling. Both of us have just been left to cope on our own.

Sorry for high jacking your thread. Sorry if I sound bitter.

Ivy x

[ivy]

I’m pleased your son is making progress Lindyloo. My boy shows no interest in AA. He used to say he would go to a meeting or try to get into rehab, but he was only saying those things to make me feel better.

My son is still roaming the streets as I type. He is trying to phone, but I can’t let him into my house.

I have remained mostly positive and hopeful over the years, but his situation is devastating right now. I know he is in trouble, but I cannot help. I am heartbroken. My own life has gotten to the point where I just hide away on my own all of the time. The reality of the situation has made me weak. I’m not sure if I will ever recover enough to lead something resembling a normal life. Another sleepless night for me.

I wonder if you or other mothers parents lost hope?

Ivy x

[ivy]

*wasted not water

Or perhaps the proper vocabulary is “ high “ though I often find that word redundant as the addict is usually the complete opposite when using.

[ivy]

Dear Lindyloo and Debc. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have been trying many of the things you suggest here, and have read many of the other posts where I can relate. My son is 27 and is still on his downward spiral. Last night was very difficult for me as I know that he had nowhere to go and was sleeping in a car park in Glasgow City Centre. It was a horrible rainy windy night last night. I didn’t sleep.

He phoned this morning demanding money, he was so water I could barely make out what he was saying.

I find it difficult to close my eyes as all I now see are images of my son either begging outside in the street or injecting up a filthy lane.

One of the things that resonated with me on another post was a sort of it’s him or me situation. I feel I have done all I can for now as My own health; physically and mentally is failing. I will carry on and try to find some strength , but it’s all so painful, maybe the situation with Covid is making things worse, but the most difficult part is that my son still blames me for everything. No one is perfect, but I always do the best I can and feel he had a good upbringing. Once again thank you for your support. It does make a difference.

Ivy x

[Author]

Posts