[j48]

Ah I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I totally understand how you must be feeling right now.

Take care of yourself and thank goodness you have close friends, I too had that at the time of need and it’s vital to your mental well being.

Hope things improve for you.

[j48]

Please don’t punish yourself, your wife is at peace now! It is a horrible disease that gets to grips with our loved ones. My partner became very combative during lockdown and my son and I escaped these times with our 1 walk a day (which was our government rules) to cope when we were stuck in during lockdown I emotionally detached and didn’t take personally the things he said. I realise now that it wasn’t him speaking it was brain damage due to the toxin levels in his system. He was suffering with Peripheral Neuropathy which was debilitating for him, he was very anxious and couldn’t leave the house and wasn’t eating so was very thin, it was disturbing to witness his demise and he was choking on blood but in the end he went peacefully in his sleep and in the days running up to his passing (he was on the floor due to another fall) he kept apologising and thanking me for loving him, saying he was scared and then describing his hallucinations as he was ebbing away! He is at peace now and so is your wife, just try and remember the good times that you had together. Take care of yourself.

[j48]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m incredibly sorry that you are still suffering.

This isn’t something you can just forget and get over, it becomes a major part of our lives that we learn to live with every day when we wake up, we pick ourselves up and somehow get through the day.

I feel you should be talking it through with someone, the fact that you have written on here is enough to realise that you do want to carry on with your life.

We all have the days where we feel we can’t carry on but we do, we find a way, our partners wouldn’t want us to be suffering like this on their behalves and I believe they are watching over us.

Sometimes the trauma of witnessing the demise of our loved ones to alcohol is too much, it’s overwhelming. I have days where I feel every emotion all at once and it hurts but it soon passes and I dust myself down and carry on.

There isn’t a day that goes by where he’s not in my thoughts or I don’t regret our last argument, I sometimes obsess over what our last conversation was, the last time we laughed, the last tv programme we watched together.

I talk to him in my mind and when I get stuck or hit a problem at work I ask him for his advise.

Seems silly, but I do talk to him and this helps me. I screamed at him driving home from work that I wasn’t okay with how he died and how dare he did that to us and then I felt better.

Please be kind to yourself, close your eyes and take a big deep breath and appreciate that you still have your life to live.

[j48]

I’m so sorry for your loss, and that this has happened to you and your fiancé.

It is traumatic and tragic but please know he was trying to give up and is at peace now.

My partner had a seizure a year prior to him passing. It breaks my heart that when they try to give up that they can suffer with a seizure, it’s cruel and shows how bad alcohol addiction is to them physically and mentally.

You must be traumatised by this, I really hope you speak to someone and seek that help that you deserve.

I really hope you can be kind to yourself, you did everything you could and you was by his side until the end.

[j48]

I hope everything has improved in your situation.

I hope you take time to breathe and be you!

I hate that so many of us ‘partners of alcoholics’ have this to go through, it’s so hard to put it into words to friends and family and it’s only those who have been or are still going through it that truly know what it means and what it feels like.

Take care of yourself x

[j48]

Thank you for your message.

I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain and suffering.

I’m sorry we are in a very similar situation and we are left with all of those emotions that can be very overwhelming!

And, if you’re like me, you look at your children (our son is 19) and feel helpless for them not having a Dad at their age but they are left with us Mums and they know we have their backs, we feel their pain and we will get them through it because it’s what we do!

What we have been through is awful to witness and I do worry that this will have a negative impact on my son and I’m ready to not allow this, we talk all of the time!

I find it’s all of the ‘firsts without’ my partner that tip me over the edge and I dread the first Christmas this year, he was on his own for his last Christmas as I went to visit my parents until about 4pm and I feel really bad about that, he was invited but declined and told us to go!

I’ve been keeping myself really busy since he passed but now I’m suffering with flashbacks to his last few days, he refused medical intervention and passed away on our living room floor after a fall meant we couldn’t move him so all I could do was make him comfortable and stay with him.

When I’m doing something normal like loading the dishwasher or waiting in a queue I’ll suddenly see him having a panic attack or telling me he’s scared and this is followed by an overwhelming sadness and tears.

Recently somebody beeped at me on a roundabout and tailgated me until I turned off into a supermarket where I ended up breaking down to the cashier. People don’t know the trauma we’ve been through!

And like you I miss our conversations and dislike having to make decisions on my own too!

I would like to get in touch with you but don’t know how.

Please take care and take time to heal, our kids need us Mums!

X

[j48]

Thank you so much! This really helped me as I was feeling so low and wandering about our home sobbing just now while tidying up listening to music loudly! I tend to get these little emotional outbursts (usually while driving home from work) it’s frustrating because I have questions swimming around in my mind like why did this happen? Could we have done more? How could he let himself get bad enough to die? But ultimately the alcohol won battle and I sometimes struggle with that! Anger while grieving is very strange! I’m really hoping things turn out much better for you and your partner, I really do! Keep strong yourself and take care.

[j48]

I’m so pleased you have stood your ground and given an ultimatum…I so wish things work out positively for you!

[j48]

The accepting is the hard part! I’m glad you’ve had a good sleep after being out all day.

I’m not always forgiving, in the run up to his passing I was like you full of resentment for what he was putting us through, but I was also trying to accept what was going to happen. The amount of times I searched for liver failure symptoms was ridiculous but I only found how to help them stop, there was nothing advice wise for those who refuse to stop which I found difficult as I needed to know what to expect, which is why I decided to have an input here to help those in a similar situation. I felt so alone in it all!

We remembered his good side at his funeral yesterday which is sad, I now have to accept that he is gone for good!

I’m busy with part time teaching and a little pottery business but I am aware that I need to stop and rest so I am here for my son!

Don’t put yourself down for feeling the way you do, it’s a natural response to your situation.

[j48]

The accepting is the hard part! I’m glad you’ve had a good sleep after being out all day.

I’m not always forgiving, in the run up to his passing I was like you full of resentment for what he was putting us through, but I was also trying to accept what was going to happen. The amount of times I searched for liver failure symptoms was ridiculous but I only found how to help them stop, there was nothing advice wise for those who refuse to stop which I found difficult as I needed to know what to expect, which is why I decided to have an input here to help those in a similar situation. I felt so alone in it all!

We remembered his good side at his funeral yesterday which is sad, I now have to accept that he is gone for good!

I’m busy with part time teaching and a little pottery business but I am aware that I need to stop and rest so I am here for my son!

Don’t put yourself down for feeling the way you do, it’s a natural response to your situation.

[j48]

Since my partner passed away my son has been downstairs with me, we’ve eaten together again, we have conversations that aren’t actually confined to the car or a walk when we were escaping the gloomy mood for a bit!

I believe my partner let go as he realised that giving up was going to be a huge struggle for the rest of his life and he didn’t want to burden us.

He’d been struggling for a long time but it was a very rapid decline in the end, it was torturous to witness and it’s haunting my mind but I’ve a lot of support and a pottery business to keep me busy!

Treasure the time spent with your daughter, our children are hurting too and they need and want to be your priority.

[j48]

Since my partner passed away my son has been downstairs with me, we’ve eaten together again, we have conversations that aren’t actually confined to the car or a walk when we were escaping the gloomy mood for a bit!

I believe my partner let go as he realised that giving up was going to be a huge struggle for the rest of his life and he didn’t want to burden us.

He’d been struggling for a long time but it was a very rapid decline in the end, it was torturous to witness and it’s haunting my mind but I’ve a lot of support and a pottery business to keep me busy!

Treasure the time spent with your daughter, our children are hurting too and they need and want to be your priority.

[j48]

We too have a dog, he’s a godsend my son and I. We have just held his funeral and it’s cathartic to remember the good person he once was! Take care of yourself and I really hope things work out for you! Keep strong now! X

[j48]

I’m sorry to read about your struggle with your husband.

He is lucky to have your support and your will to get him to get better is so apparent.

Please know that you have done everything you can to help him and more, he is in rehab because of your encouragement.

While he is in rehab please try not to worry too much as it could make you ill, he is where he needs to be right now and will get the right treatments and pain relief.

Focus on yourself and your daughter, take some deep breaths, I find this helped me!

Realise you have done all you can.

My other half refused any medical assistance partly because we are in lockdown and partly because he was still in denial to his very end.

I am left with wishing I could have convinced him more but I realise now it was a disease that impaired his thought process.

It’s his funeral today where we will mourn the man he was before this illness took over him!

I wish you all the luck, please be kind to yourself.

[j48]

I’m sorry to hear of your suffering as a partner.

It sounds similar to our situation.

I did emotionally detach but vowed to be there for him, the arguing is so difficult and it is best to leave while it calms down.

It doesn’t mean you won’t take it personally and there were times that I argued back, and it’s those times that I reflect on now and wish I’d handled better and not said the things I said but I mainly removed myself from the situation.

It’s strange that I remember those times less and remember the arguing clearly!

It’s been 3 weeks now since he passed and I wish I could reverse it and insist he got the help he needed rather than go ahead with his wishes but I believe that had there not been a pandemic he would have.

I’m broken right now and his funeral is on Monday. He was only 48 and we’d had 30 happy years together but we could have so much more if he’d only sought medical assistance, such a waste of a life.

It’s hit our son now and he gets upset at everything his Dad will miss out on.

I really hope things get better for you and I thank you for saying I was understanding and sympathetic towards his illness, that has given me comfort and reassurance.

Keep strong x

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