[jacjacjac]

Our situations are so similar, my husband also has his own business and we are better off financially than we have ever been, but I think it’s actually worse because he spends more when he’s on a bender. He won’t stop until the money runs out which is why he doesn’t want access to cash or cards.

I’m like Sherlock Holmes when it comes to drugs so I know exactly when he’s used and when he hasn’t. I think doing this for so many years I’ve become super aware of the signs.

He’s 100% an addict, he has used daily in the past and once an addict always an addict. He clearly has some level of self control, and I would say these were just relapses on his way to recovery but he’s just ignoring the problem until it overwhelms him and then he doesn’t have the tools to fight it.

Has your husband tried meetings or counselling? Mine has tried both but never follows through, his heart just isn’t in it.

The latest binge came after I went out for a rare dinner with my friends. I left him with my kids, worrying the whole time. I got home at 10pm, went in to find him but he’d hidden in the bathroom and then bolted out the door before I could stop him.

Unbeknownst to me he’s got £200 cash from a job earlier that day, and the fact I was going out planted the seed and he couldn’t stop himself apparently.

He was uncontactable all night, until at 5am he called me saying he was in trouble and owed a dealer money and asked me to transfer cash to this dealer. I said no. Turns out it was all lies and he got home at 10am. That was two weeks ago.

I just don’t understand how he can have the self control not to use in the house while he’s responsible for the kids but he can’t have the self control to not disappear all night?

I’m terrified he’s going to have a heart attack or get into trouble with these scumbags he’s mixing with.

Your bang on about not making empty threats. I’ve threatened to kick him out so many times and he’s admitted that when he’s given in to the drugs that the little devil on his shoulder tells him I’ll forgive him like I always do.

I talk to him about how I feel all the time but he’s not receptive. It pains him to talk about it and he just clams up, he can’t even look me in the face.

I’ve stayed all this time because of all the reasons you’ve listed, but I worry about the long term effects on my kids. I also feel that if he leaves it will be the thing that is needed to finally kick his addiction.

I feel very bitter right now. I’ve always lived right and been sensible and it’s just unfair that we should have to suffer for our partners bad choices.

Do you have any support from family? My mum and sister have been amazingly supportive I can’t imagine going through this without anyone to talk to xxx

[jacjacjac]

Hi Jules1980 thanks for checking in.

I resonate with you so much. The constant anxiety, checking where he is 12 times a day, making sure all the bank cards are locked away means that I’m in constant fight or flight mode.

I’m at the point where I just want some peace to be honest. I’m getting to the stage where I want him to leave my home.

I don’t know how I will feel when he leaves or how my children will react but I want to be free of this now. I’m done giving my heart and soul to someone who doesn’t even care.

He won’t use again for another 3 months, that’s how his addiction is at the moment but I can’t go through the process of forgiving him again just to get my heart broken for the 50th time. It’s like waiting to be punched in the face.

Have you ever considered breaking free of it all?

J x

[jacjacjac]

Thanks for your replies ladies.

It seems so unfair that we are the ones with the constant worry, stress and anxiety as well as the responsibility of our kids. My husband doesn’t have a care in the world as he’s burying his head in he sand.

I see him kind of like a child, unable to make responsible choices and this is not how a marriage should be. A marriage should be for the mutual support of each other…. this just isn’t right.

I’m the same as you Jules1980 I don’t leave my kids with him anymore so I basically have no social life. He says when I go out in the evening it’s one of his triggers so I’ve stopped going out at all.

I’m so glad your husbands are clean right now and I pray for a happy ending for you both.

I heard a great analogy recently, that as soon as a person takes cocaine it’s like a seed is planted in the brain.

You water the seed by continuing to use cocaine and it grows into a tree, getting bigger and bigger, overtaking more and more of the persons personality.

The only way to kill the tree is to stop watering it (using cocaine). As it shrivels and dies and more and more of the person comes back.

Eventually all that’s left is the seed, which will always be there but is totally harmless as long as you don’t water it.

Sending lots of love xxx

[jacjacjac]

Thanks for your reply, I’d love to hear how the hypnosis works for you please keep me updated.

You sound very determined in your resolve to quit which is great and the fact you have taken the time to read this forum and are taking active steps to recover is fantastic. I see cocaine as the actual devil that has possessed my husband and I have genuine sorrow for anyone with this horrible affliction.

The problem is my husband is too proud and will not accept it is something he has to work on every single day.

If he, like you, made his recovery a priority and I could see real positive steps I’d support him 100% but the reality is he’s in denial and nothing I say will help.

Best of luck with your recovery.

[jacjacjac]

This is my first post to this forum. Your husband and my husband could be the same person, same age, same all night benders, getting cocaine from prostitutes, having control of the finances and what you have described is my worst fear. My heart hurts for you. I’m so sorry for the pain and the loss that you have experienced. You must have so many unanswered questions and such anger towards your husband, but at the same time mourning the man you married. Cocaine to me is like a demon. It preys on those with addictive personalities and overtakes every good thing in that persons life, and ruins the lives of those around them and its effects can last for generations. I pray that you can find some peace and happiness in the future. Sending all my love and support.

[Author]

Posts