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Kulstar it seems like you have some really good advice. Cocaine is such an evil drug, so easy to get hold of and very difficult to decline, it would seem
What a terrible shock for you, secret drinking is probably the worst sort of drinking as you need to find someone actually drinking to know they are. I don’t blame you for going through her phone, there is nothing wrong with this, you are just looking for some clarification on the situation. I think the only way to check in is to go over more often and build up a picture. You are in a difficult position, doing nothing isn’t helpful but tackling her is going to be tough. I would try and find out why she is drinking, is there a trigger at all. There is a theory that people self medicate when they are not fulfilling the normal needs of a human being. There are around 9 needs and they are things like intimacy, privacy, attention, having a purpose, being recognised and a few other things. She may be struggling with something that hasn’t been obvious and she has started drinking to block it out
I have just come up to bed and wanted to find a site where you could chat. Sorry to read about your husband. It is so hard trying to live with addictions. My son is 24 and when he was just 18 we found he had a terrible cocaine problem. We managed to get him into a unit for a week and he got some help. Cocaine is rife so wherever he goes it is there on offer and you can get it delivered to you door! Before covid we made him move out, he hadn’t been using drugs but had a very anti social drinking habit. When he moved out, he developed his cocaine habit again and then just as lockdown started he moved home and was great for months. He is a big drinker and I am not sure which one is worse or whether they are both bad. My family has suffered much trauma, including suicide. Recently my son found out a friend had died from suicide and then a friend got killed in the summer and it has all affected his well being. He needs help and I think he wants help but not sure whether it is help for mental health, drugs or drink or all of them.
I read the comment about people at work doing nice stuff and I feel like that. I don’t like to go away any more because I just don’t know what he will be doing so I would rather not go, which is ridiculous really.
He was out all night last night and I went and picked him up at lunch time. He was going to go out with some friends but he had no money and he did stay in. From 11pm I was on egg shells thinking he is going to slope off and was so relieved when he just went to bed at 12.30am and asked me to make him a sandwich. I spend most my weekends being anxious.
It is awful to see other people suffering but there is something comforting to not be so alone