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Hi Sharon nice to virtually meet you and talk to you. Of course you can call me jay I have being called a lot worse I can assure you of that ????. Apologies I have taken so long to respond to your post I have full custody of my son currently and with his remote learning school work and everything that goes with it this is the first chance I’ve really had to get back to you.
In answer to your question of what made me stop using I would have to say that there are numerous reasons why but I was just so sick and tired of being a slave to a substance on a daily basis. The crack was bad enough but the heroin is a completely different ball game, having to use it to stop yourself feeling ill EVERY DAY!! I had just had enough of it.
How disgusting of his brother to be the person who has introduced him to that rubbish with the knowledge of what it does to people. Absolutely unbelievable!!
Hi Ronnieboyne, I just need to clarify that I’m a fella I think you’ve got me down as a female but don’t worry I know the name doesn’t make it clear ????????.
I’ve just read through your posts and I am glad to hear that you managed to get out of the relationship with your ex if it was having such a negative impact on your life. Unfortunately the partners and family of addicts don’t tend to get the credit they deserve. They are generally treated as a cash machine or similar until they become surplus to requirements from the addict. This is usually when they finally stop giving them money either because they’ve had enough or simply do not have any left to give. I can completely understand you still missing your ex but as you have said you have to look after yourself to remain sane.
If there’s any advice I can give to you then please just ask and I will do my best to answer any questions etc.
Take care
Jayxx
Hi I’m a addict in recovery and I have had a bit of a similar situation and I am not in any way wanting for this response to your post to sound like I’m criticising your actions at all. I think you’ve done exactly what the vast majority of people who have been in that situation would of done and the people I know that have been in the same position and gotten rid of the drugs, have also got rid of the addict in a rage against the deceitful and dishonest way the addicts behave in their attempt to get away with it all. Dfh is right though he will need to be gradually reducing the use of the heroin or using a substitute that would make him feel like he was in withdrawal if he used heroin whilst using the prescribed substitute. This is the bit where I may seem like I’m criticising the way you’ve handled everything but please believe me when I tell you that’s not my intension. Obviously you know him better than me to make this judgement but do you think he would of come to you and admitted to the relapse if he thought you would be able to team up with each other and confront it head on or do you think he had no intention of telling you what was happening?
Hi Anon0801,
I’ve just read through your story and I’m sorry to hear about your situation and struggles with the addict in your life.
I myself am an addict, I had issues with cocaine for a good number of years, however more recently I was addicted to crack cocaine and heroin although I haven’t used either of those drugs for a good while I can’t really class myself as clean as I do still smoke cannabis. When I get the intense cravings for the crack I tend to use the cannabis and although not ideal it is the lesser of two evils.
I wanted to answer your question about whether an addict can be the person they once were before the addiction. I can only speak for myself and my experiences and I know that in active addiction the manipulation and lying about pretty much everything is standard behaviour but I found that when I stopped using the class A’s and didn’t need to find ways to get the money I needed from my family and friends etc the manipulation and lies stopped too. My friends and family keep saying they’ve got the person back that they’ve missed for so many years. From speaking to others in the same or similar situation they all say how freeing it is not having to tell and remember the lies.
Ty85 I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I can’t even begin to imagine what your going through right now but I would like to wish you all the very best wishes and again I send my deepest sympathies
Hi Sally I’m Jamie, I know exactly what your going through and I know it’s really hard. Is it powder cocaine or crack that you use?
Coco I’m sorry to hear about your friend who passed away. I know there’s no time in which grieving the loss of someone is easy, so to lose someone on Xmas day must be especially tough for all involved. A very close friend of mine sadly lost a sister just before Xmas she had a stage 4 brain tumor and she left behind a 3yr old daughter and a 5yr old son. Absolutely tragic.
I’m glad to read that things have been more positive for both you Coco and liberty.
Do either of your partner’s ask you to join them in the fight against the addiction? The reason I ask is because when I first started trying to get clean and was going to meetings with N.A. etc I was so keen to share with the people around me and they taught me to tell the truth again after so many years of lying and manipulating to either get what I wanted or keep the things from people I didn’t want finding out. I was told that relapse starts when the user starts telling lies again and finishes with them using.
I hope you have had as good a Xmas as possible and I wish you all the best.
Hi Ivy,
I’m glad I’ve managed to help in some sort of way. Do what you need to in order to keep yourself going and if I can help in any way I am more than happy to
Take care
Liberty, I want to try and respond to your question about how my lifestyle choices led me to addiction and what could of made it less severe.
Firstly when I began to use drugs I used to enjoy them. At first the powder cocaine used to make me more confident and I was using in a social setting initially. It was when I was using drugs to deal with or avoid things that I became dependant on them. Because I have always worked since leaving school and not had to resort to crime to fund my addiction I managed to keep the full extent of the issue from my family and majority of my friends. It was only when I got to the point where I admitted to myself that I had a problem that I involved my family and friends. I am very lucky that I got and still do get their full support. I think that had I been honest with myself and my family sooner then maybe my addiction wouldn’t of escalated to the point it did as I know they would of done whatever it took to help me but also I wasn’t really ready to receive the help either so it’s a difficult thing to answer about what could of made it less severe. I imagine an addict in active addiction would say that having someone to fall back on who is willing to contribute financially when it was needed and not ask any questions would of been something that would make life less severe but as we’re all aware that is actually more detrimental to everyone involved. I firmly believe that as an addicts family member or friend there isn’t a lot that can be done to help until the addict makes the decision to get clean and then they have a better idea of what they need from the people who are supporting them with their recovery. I hope I’ve made sense in what I’ve just said.
I have tried to respond but it’s being looked at as possible spam apparently
In my opinion Coco the crack is the thing that is the hardest to get away from the heroin withdrawal is obviously not a pleasant experience in any way but I didn’t get a buzz off the heroin I just used it to take the edge of the effects of the crack. I absolutely hated everything about the heroin. I used to smoke it on a pipe like you would do with crack (a separate one) I know most people smoke it off tinfoil. I hated the way it tasted and smelled it was horrid but since I stopped using I don’t crave for the heroin or think about it but it’s completely different when it comes to the crack cocaine. I now have to manage my cravings and thoughts on it. Even though I know how much destruction and devastation it causes in my life my brain will do it’s very best to get me to try and remember it fondly and take me back to when I first started using it and the rush I would get back then and I have to be on my guard the entire time with that stuff.
My turning point was caused by a few things to be honest. Not being able to get my mental health to improve after the attempts at suicide and after speaking with my son’s mum and her saying and explaining the effect my death would of had on my son was enough for me to realise that I wasn’t going to get better without stopping using and getting help.
It really does sound like you are living a nightmare at the moment. I really do feel for you and I hope you have a support network around you while you’re going through all this.
Over the years I have had an issue with a lot of different substances starting with cannabis and that led me on to amphetamine, exctasy and ketamine I had used cocaine as well when I went on nights out etc but it was in my early 20s when the cocaine became a huge problem for me. I know have a perforated septum basically a big hole in the middle of my nose that led me to be unable to still snort the cocaine and so I progressed onto crack cocaine then finally I started smoking heroin and the crack and heroin are what I fear the most when it comes to relapse.
I still smoke cannabis so I can’t claim to be completely clean and abstinent but it doesn’t have the detrimental effect on my life like the crack and heroin did. I still manage my own business and keep to the responsibilities I am committed to which was almost impossible to do when I was using the class As.
I unfortunately had a breakdown of my mental health and made several attempts at suicide and after a spell on a mental health ward (where believe it or not crack and heroin were still available) I went to rehab in Stockport to get clean and although I have relapsed since leaving rehab the things I learned while I was there are what help to keep me away from class A drugs at the moment. I can quite confidently say that if I were to be offered powder cocaine or any other of the drugs I’ve used before I could refuse them and it wouldn’t be an issue however with the crack and heroin I have to completely remove myself from the people who are involved in any way shape or form with those drugs because I am sure that if I were offered those although I may not have them at the time the mental turmoil it would cause me would be significant and I would possibly end up using again
When I got clean I really did feel a lot of remorse and guilt about the way I had behaved and the way I had treated people who were close to me. Addiction cost me my relationship with my son’s mum and pretty much every relationship I have had has been ruined by the way I had treated my partner’s during the relationships. I’m extremely lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my son’s mum nowadays she is very supportive of me and my recovery and she didn’t have to be she could of made life really really difficult for me if she so wished but I feel blessed that we have the kind of bond that we do.
Also when I was using I started out using with friends etc but as my addiction escalated I very quickly started using on my own and I preferred it that way to be honest. Obviously I can’t speak for your partner in relation to what he’s getting upto but I would say that it’s not that far fetched for him to be using on his own. I hope this helps in some way shape or form and please feel free to ask me anything you like
What I meant by the feeling refreshed bit was that when I was using the feeling of being without any drugs and in the case of heroin the feeling of being in withdrawal or (rattling as it’s affectionately known) was phycologically one of the worst feelings I’ve experienced but when you have been and got what you need those feelings are all set to one side and it’s like a huge relief you feel great about everything. Of course this is an absolute load of rubbish I was at a stage where I was getting about 15 mins of a ‘buzz’ from the crack and just using the heroin to stop me from feeling ill.
As a child I had everything I wanted and needed from my parents. It was just the choices that I made that led to me living in active addiction for 14/15 years or so.
I think your partner will care about you, however the drugs will pretty much always come first until he’s at the point where the drugs are just something that used to play a huge part in his life.
Yes I have had a testing few weeks and I have got my son through till Xmas Eve then he’s back again on boxing day so I’m lucky to have the chance of spending time with him over the Xmas period. I look at him and I pray that he doesn’t choose the same paths as I did as a teenager.