[jaynie]

Hi, I am so sorry that you are all going through this but at the same time I am so relieved that I am not alone.

I have been with my partner for four years and when I met him, I thought I was the luckiest women alive, as I have not exactly had good experiences with relationships.

My partner previously done cocaine off and on from a relatively young age and I think he still is, also I can not evidence it. His family has turned there back on him on more than one occasion but does keep giving him chances.

He has taken money in the past that does not belong to him, his track record is not good to say the least although he tells me he will be the better person.

I love this man with all of my heart but he continues to hurt me by lying a lot, its to the point that I don’t know what is true anymore.

Everything has to be about him and it feels like he bullies through to get what he wants.

His communication has got better but I feel I have to pick my words very carefully when talking because its flight or fight with him and he has chosen the flight on more than one occasion. He knows when he does this that I am left worrying for hours and hours as he does not contact, will not answer his phone. But when he comes back, he acts like nothing has happened. I have told him how I feel when he disappears but he still does it.

I am walking on eggshells all the time and looking over my shoulder, constantly wondering what he is doing, who he is with and where he is at. I keep telling him that he needs to get a job but still nothing, he signs on instead.

I am at the point to where I feel that this is not going to get any better for us, he left me for 7 months over a year ago and when he came back, he advised that it was me he loved and that he made a big mistake and promised me that everything would be different, but its fell back exactly how it use to be.

I feel like I am his mother rather than his partner and I feel so down, unattractive, lost my self worth, confidence. I want to say its over, but how to you say good bye to someone that you love and adore. I often wonder if he really loves me, he tells me a lot he does, but then why would someone treat their partner like this if they did. This is not my definition of love. I feel so sad, alone, very emotional all the time and I don’t know what more I can do to help him. Can anyone help me?

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