[jess1419]

I hate the feeling of being so blind to let it get this far. I’m just not the person to immediately think “Maybe he has an addiction problem”, but the last few days I’ve had time to reflect on individual incidents that make me wonder how he couldn’t.

When we first started dating, he would “joke” about how his doctor would tell him during his check-up that he needed to gain some weight, which obviously is a result of the adderall use. He would say don’t worry, my girlfriend makes me eat. I always found it odd that he almost never ate, and then would make me feel bad for eating as much as I did. Um, I’m sorry, I workout regularly (unlike you), so for one, I need the calories, but two, I also don’t use drugs that suppress my appetite, so what I’m eating is actually normal food intake.

I always found empty pill bottles all over his closet. I just thought they were bottles he never threw away, but it makes me wonder if he was getting these prescriptions from multiple doctors. He would also take a pill late in the day. I always found that strange. Its 4pm and you need an adderall? Nevermind the fact that it is the weekend. You say you need it to get through work, but you’re not working on the weekend. More excuses came for why he was popping an adderall in front of me – “I need it to put up with you” (I thought that was what your chewing tobacco was for?) or “I need it to put up with your stepmom”. He even made a “joking” comment to me that had he not taken the adderall, he would not have had the energy or motivation to clean the garage. I also think back to him bragging about not taking adderall for 3 days, but it makes me wonder if he ran out for taking more than prescribed and obviously couldn’t get another prescription before one ran out. He would also sleep until 12pm on the weekends. Again, maybe I’m just naive, but a 40 year old sleeping until 12pm on the weekend? His body was probably trying to play catch-up from the lack of sleep all week.

He can’t just hangout and relax either. If his mind isn’t occupied, he falls asleep. If we are just watching TV, he falls asleep. Although we rarely just watch TV together. He’s told me its so boring, that he can’t just sit there. If he lays down on the couch, he falls asleep. He refuses to do anything that included him just sitting there, relaxing. He won’t go to the beach because just sitting on the beach is boring. Same for the pool. His mind has to be stimulated constantly.

I just feel stupid for not recognizing this before.

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