Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Navy
Write a “for once and for all list “ of what u want . In addition write a pros and cons list to staying in this relationship
Be strong lady! You will be here tomorrow and the next day and the day after because you are your own navigator ????✈️ in life…. It’s so hard when ur in it … I really do understand.
Focus on your strength and the nights ur alone when he’s out doing HIS THING. Make a plan for YOU!
Big hugs and sending positive thought … you got this girl! You are 1/2 way there entering this forum ❤️????
Hi navy.
Sorry sweetheart to have made you cry but there must have been some truth to it. I was married for 17 years before this relationship and left that marriage for a lot less than this 4 year one.
Books I have mostly on how to break co dependency ❤️.
You have to look at the way things are under a big magnifying glass ???? and say to yourself …… can I see another 10-20 years of this? What will be left of me ? I at the moment take it day by day as I’m scared to think about my life alone. But I would (today at least maybe not tomorrow when I’m desperate in wanting him back) look at that and place yourself above all else.
Dig deep and find out what you want!
I feel for you and your pain but you are in control of your life. You as I appear to be an empath which we wanna fix things , make everything ok and crumble while doing it xxx
Give yourself time, love and find yourself again x
Ps I might fall apart tomorrow, today is a good day
Hi Navy
It’s taken me a few weeks to realise that “we” as in people like you and I, need to focus on ourselves!! And that is sooooooo difficult as we have spent month’s if not years scurrying around trying to FIX their needs, wants and make them happy so they don’t use! Ie drink, drugs etc…
I will not lie to you it’s hard realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! Hard to leave because we crave their “good side” their love ❤️ as it feels so good and they are soooooo good at giving it.
But hook is because they keep us in a constant state of anxiety and ups and downs! I am still amid the detox of being in that state for almost 4 years and it’s rough. I’m hoping and praying focusing on myself will help . I’ve gone so far in focusing on myself I have booked a solo holiday for 7 days in the most boring but beautiful place in Europe to re connect with myself after the damage my ex caused…
NEVER place your worth in their hands as they value their needs more.
I’m saying all this to myself as well as you as I’m still in the midst of it all ????
Be strong as you already deep down know you are ❤️
I wanted my ex to do that but the fact is he moved on to another woman/women to enable his behaviour…. He has never been in a relationship longer than 4 years he’s 46
Hi Navy
Bless you. I don’t think they care what they loose unsless it’s the booze and drugs.
My recent ex even lost his driving licence and did not suffer the consequences.
Loosing me is nothing to him other than someone not supplying him with money and means to continue.
What I have come to realise is that I am exactly in the same position as every one of his other ex’s.
My ex I believe did it in the shed in our home and I didn’t have proof but deep down I know
I have just found this wonderful site❤️.
I have just ended a 4 year relationship, with a man who engaged in binge drinking and coke.
I have been heartbroken this last 6 weeks it’s affected my job, my mental health, physical health and my ability to function. I became so codependent on him something I would never thought I could be.
I have caught him 2-3 times having had coke or bringing it into the home (which I own) I have kicked him out 3-4 times in 4 years due to his behaviour whilst intoxicated (always got it thrown back at me as he called it abusive behaviour).
I have toyed with the idea of him being a narcissist in addition however, traits of addiction and narcissistic personality are very similar.
Oh the words I have been called and the aggression have been chilling. Always always I was blamed for over reacting to his “going out with mates”
He would disappoint 7 hr walks, go on binge drinks for 7-8 hrs but claim “I was back at 8-9pm it’s not like it was 4am” justifying his behaviour.
I started filming audio on the days he went out and came back as the anxiety in me caused me to forget actual happenings of what was said plus the stress and levels of not knowing how to handle him.
The sheer gaslighting is so obvious in the audios to listen back to but I could not see it in the moment.
I have been made to react in situations he caused and I would NEVER react under normal circumstances.
What’s so devastating is I utterly love him and would have done anything for him. I’m in so much pain that I was forced to remove him from my life