[joemily]

Okay I will have a look thank you! At least it will put my mind at rest and I think he will understand that..

Yeah that’s how I feel when I can’t get hold of him. I have his location but obviously he just turns his phone off or ‘it goes dead’ which is when I worry.. everytime I go out I message him constantly to check up on him and it’s horrendous, I hate it.

I will have a look into that thank you!

[joemily]

Do they work? I read somewhere they’re not 100% but I will give them a go if you recommend! It’s when they don’t come home when they said they would and you can’t get hold of them isn’t it because it’s gone past the point of me thinking there could be a reason, I just automatically think he’s lapsed again. He was upset with me on Saturday night but understood why I suspected. He could have been lying on Saturday of course, I never really know do I.

I keep thinking is this my life now and it’s so hard knowing whether to stick with it or cut my losses but I really love and care for him. It is hell trying to deal with it and still function as a normal person. He is going to look into counselling but at the moment he is attending regular meetings which hopefully will start to help him.

Thank you and love to you too xxx

[joemily]

Yes unfortunately I don’t feel able to talk to anyone about it really. They probably would be understanding but I just really struggle so I keep it all inside which isn’t healthy. I was part of another forum but one person in particular on there upset me more, her son was the user and she was basically saying that I could just leave my partner so it’s fine for me and it felt almost like she was blaming me when she kept saying I was enabling him so I don’t post on there anymore. I know she probably meant to help and tough love etc but for me that wasn’t helpful and is exactly the reason why I don’t tell my friends and family because I don’t want to be told to just leave him!

The other problem is his parents don’t want to know and he doesn’t really have any close friends to turn to so I am really all he’s got which is a lot of pressure. I’m hoping when he builds up more contacts and support at CA he will start to get there, they’re undoubtedly better support than me just because they do actually understand what he’s going through.

I hope your husband realises sooner rather than later what he will lose by losing you and gets himself some help but in the meantime feel free to talk to me anytime, it’s really helped me to hear your experience and know that someone else is going through a very similar thing so thank you x

[joemily]

Not every often anymore – it used to be fairly regularly and this was before he admitted what was going on. Now the last time was March before last weekend when he disappeared all night.

[joemily]

Not every often anymore – it used to be fairly regularly and this was before he admitted he was an addict. Now the last time was March before last weekend when he disappeared all night.

[joemily]

You’re not waffling at all and I really appreciate you sharing. At the moment I’m kind of at a point where I’m going to see how things go over the next few weeks to month with him attending five meetings a week.

I’ve got a holiday booked with my friend at the beginning of July, I was really worried about booking it but then I thought no I need to do it and if he lapses while I’m away then it is what it is. I can’t babysit him and I need to give myself a break as well. I’ve spent nearly a year supporting him both financially and emotionally and it’s really taking it’s toll.

I suffer with depression and anxiety anyway and have been going to counselling and am on antidepressants so unfortunately that’s nothing new for me – I don’t want this to make it worse though as I was actually at a point where I felt I could come off my tablets and I still want to do that.

Talking it through with other people on here, both addicts and family members does really help, it’s just knowing you’re not alone I think because it is a very lonely thing I’ve realised!

[joemily]

I know obviously we don’t understand how difficult it must be for them etc etc but I feel like he gets annoyed with me when I don’t trust him and when I think he’s lying to me but then I think you’ve done that not me.. if I double and triple check that he will pick me up from somewhere it’s only because he’s let me down so many times..

I think we have a long road ahead of us and last night I thought I had to call it quits because it’s breaking me and now I’m not sure.

I love him and I want to help and support him but at what cost..

This is what I have to work out and only really I can do that, just helps to talk to other people in similar positions so I don’t feel quite as alone.

[joemily]

Thank you for your message. It’s a hellish situation isn’t it because you want to believe them but they break your trust down so much and it takes time to build it back up and in my experience we start to build it back again and then something else happens and it’s just such a rollercoaster. He’s just gone to a meeting now so hopefully if he did relapse and not tell me he will at least talk to them about it.. but we will see!

I’ve also tried to be calmer and more understanding but the thing that angers me the most is when he acts like such a victim and it may be wrong but I can’t help but think no you’re the one doing this and putting me through hell!

[joemily]

I know, he does want to give up and has been trying, my default is to not believe him but last night seemed different, I’m still taking it with a pinch of salt and am aware that he could be lying!

[joemily]

Yeah that’s not good, if you’re telling her you don’t want to be there because it will tempt you she should support that and appreciate that you’re being sensible!

[joemily]

It’s difficult because being in her position I understand and it’s so hard because of course you don’t forget the times you get let down and they tend to take over the good times. I guess yeah she could support you more but then if she’s supported a lot and been let down maybe she just feels she can’t keep doing it..

[joemily]

Why don’t you speak to her? Tell her what you think and let her explain. It’s more likely that she’s just forgotten to do it than she’s doing it on purpose isn’t it?

[joemily]

Why do you think she wants you to mess up?

[joemily]

Well done! You should feel really good about yourself if you managed not to give in. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to fight against it

[joemily]

Yes and it appears he may actually have legitimately been busy. Obviously difficult to know what to believe and I instantly jump to thinking he’s off doing that but he didn’t seem like he was on it.. obviously there’s every chance he was lying but this time I am inclined to believe him..

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