[joemily]

I thought that as well but I wasn’t sure if I was just naive or whatever. Just seemed a bit much to me! He said he’s not going to give up, think he was just a bit disheartened by that experience which I can understand.

[joemily]

Hi

Thank you for your message.

We have been together about a year, live together and have pets together so I do have ties.

He has admitted that he has a problem and he wants to get help, he just feels too ashamed to tell me when he wants to do it I think is the main problem… he has said the actual words I am an addict and I know he wants to stop.

I am very naive about it all, I’ve never really had experience of this so it’s all new and difficult to me. I spoke to a professional yesterday and she helped a bit.

He has hit rock bottom and on Sunday I sat him down and gave him the facts, I basically said either he engages with CA and whatever else it takes and speaks honestly with me about it all or I am going to have to leave for my own good and if I do I will be taking the pets as well and I think that really hit him hard.

I know he can’t just cure himself instantly but my ultimatum was more that he has to do whatever it takes and work with it all and if he does want to use or relapses then he needs to tell me about it and not just shut himself off.

I know I need help and support and that’s where this group is good I think because I don’t want to talk to my friends and family about it all of the time.

He is going to make a doctors appointment and I will probably go with him if I can and we can discuss all options that will work alongside CA.

Thank you for your help I appreciate it xx

[joemily]

Yeah I thought that sounded like a lot but I wasn’t sure.. I’m going to get him to speak to some others and see what experiences they’ve had. Thank you for sharing your experiences and chatting things through, I appreciate it x

[joemily]

I will do thank you. I will try and speak with him more, he gets so defensive about it so it’s really difficult. Also his sponsor has told him that he has to go to meetings five nights a week, and text him at certain points everyday and if he doesn’t do it three times then he’s out of the group, is that normal do you know? No we don’t have children which at this point is a relief! Sorry I tried to reply earlier but it wouldn’t let me

[joemily]

I know but they don’t understand and he’s put them through so much over the years that I think they just have had enough. I will tell him to watch her thank you. I think he does get suicidal thoughts yes when he’s on a come down especially and he struggles with his mental health anyway which doesn’t help of course because I think for so long he’s used it to help him with that which does just have the opposite effect. Do you tell your girlfriend when you want to do it or when you have etc? Because the problem is he doesn’t tell me anything because he’s so ashamed and he does it behind my back and at one point was doing it constantly when I was there and I just didn’t know which was really hard. I also feel like I always back down from confrontation etc because I don’t know what I’m talking about and I just feel helpless really!

[joemily]

Well this is the thing he could be lying to me couldn’t he. He has a ‘mate’ who is a dealer and he goes to see him, i’m not sure if he stays at his or just sleeps in his van overnight after doing it.. he blocked a lot of people on Sunday who either do it or deal it. I don’t know what made him lapse and he said he doesn’t know either he just still wants to do it and can’t stop himself. Things have been hard recently because I’ve had something horrible going on so he’s had to be the strong one and honestly I wonder if that was the trigger. He never goes out or sees anyone, it’s only ever when he wants to do it he goes and sees that dealer. Maybe I should do the same, he was supposed to pick me up. It’s difficult because I can’t be around him all the time and realistically he could do it anytime. What else can he do? I suggested counselling along with the meetings etc but I don’t know if that helps. The only person he has for support is me, his parents will turn their backs completely if they find out he’s used again so it’s a lot of pressure on me and I don’t know if I’m doing the right things!

[joemily]

Sorry have just replied but replied to my post so don’t know if you’ll get the notification

[joemily]

Also he wasn’t out, he was at home alone and was on his way to pick me up then didn’t turn up and went completely off radar until 10am the next day…

[joemily]

Hi, I’m struggling tbh. Thanks for the reply. He said he does want to quit and he hates himself and he’s so ashamed. if I’m honest I don’t know how much he does and I don’t really understand it in terms of how much people do etc.. he does it on his own as far as I know. He told me yesterday that alcohol helps to stop the urge to do coke so are you saying that’s not the case? He doesn’t drink that much but he will have one or two beers a few nights a week which tbh I’d rather he didn’t because I feel it’s all linked. It’s so difficult for me to set boundaries etc because I don’t know what I should be doing and what he shouldn’t be doing! (Other than coke of course..) he’s going to CA and now has a sponsor which I think is positive?

[joemily]

It may well be and well done for doing that, you’re a lot stronger than me. I hope it works out for you but if you need support feel free to drop me a message anytime! It’s a difficult thing to talk to friends and family about so these forums are very helpful

[joemily]

Hi, I’m not sure there is anything you can actually do unless he is willing to accept he has a problem unfortunately. And even then it will be very difficult. If he accepts he has a problem (and he needs to say it not just agree with you because it’s what you want to hear) then there is plenty of support out there for him. You are really strong to end things, I am in a similar situation but I live with my boyfriend and almost feel trapped. I do love him and want to stay with him but life is very very difficult. Stay strong x

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