[jolene1974]

You are living my life and oddly the day you wrote this is the day he decided that he would start cheating. We have 5 kids. He has MS and has a gambling and drug addiction. January 9 2019 the kids were home for a snow day. At 6pm we ate supper and the kids asked if daddy was going to get out of bed(he was out all night partying and doing blow as he did most nights). I asked the kids to go downstairs and play. That night after 12 years and 5 kids I fell to my knees in tears and knew I couldn’t live like this. Every day I pushed through. On the outside no one would have guess the suffering as I made it my priority to be the best. I always thought I’d i was the best I could be he would somehow want to change for me. The 6 months leading up to this night I shut my emotions off and he became increasing mean. He crossed lines I never thought he would. Things that changed me in little ways. I calmly told him. I had hoped losing his family would give him the desire to change. But I was wrong. Over the next month I would wake up as he was getting home. I kne he was doing drugs but not the other things he was doing. On February 4 2019 things got volatile. He left. He would come by to see the kids and tell them he was sleeping in his shop. On February 7 I called him. I knew something about him was different. Maybe I truly thought we were meant to be. Maybe I couldn’t handle knowing that we weren’t worth changing for. Maybe I hated knowing I was so easy to replace. Anyways I asked him back and he came home crying. Things seemed great until March 9 when an envelope containing a book size stack of papers. In it was a letter from the woman he had been sneaking around with since the day we broke up. Pages of his lies. Pages of every insult about me. Every dirty moment they spent together. Photos of them. I was crushed. I told him he needed to prove that I came first and in front of me tell this woman the truth. Since then I have been lost. I still can’t understand how unimportant we were to him that rather than give up drugs he chose to try and erase us. I’m trying make sense of it all. I thought I would never be surprised by the things he would do but I honestly didn’t think he would ever do that. Sleeping with this women then coming home to me telling me he would change. For 4 weeks he did this and not one twinkle of guilt??

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