[jopdm123]

It was very insulting to me when he tried to tell me he wasn’t drunk. Me and my 3 brothers done like a intervention thing with him last Jan and he promised he had stopped drinking.

He also went to a liver specialist and they told him if he didn’t stop drinking he would be dead in a year.. nothing stopped him at all. He knew he was dying. But he didn’t care. I think you’re right it’s like a slow suicide.

I feel completely abandoned by them, and I hate that. My best friend of 20 years just stopped talking to me after dad died and I have absolutely no idea why, I’ve tried asking and I get the usual response ‘sorry life is busy at the moment’ but of life really that busy you can’t take 5 minutes to send a text or pick up the phone. I’m angry at them.

So it’s nearly 8 months since my dad died, some days it feel like just yesterday. I have gone through every emotion under the sun re my dads death. I do feel I make progress every day. I couldn’t stop him drinking, I tried. There is nothing I can do now he is dead. I started making more sense when I dealt with the fact it’s no ones fault. It’s not even dads fault. He was an alcoholic in denial and he gave up on life. Maybe it was just his time to leave? I do get stressed at what he has left behind ie mountains of debt, hide so many things that were still finding out etc.

[jopdm123]

Hi,

I can relate to you on this, I lost my dad is June last year to alcoholism. We were by his bedside for 5 days while he died.

It started years and years ago with my dad, he was so sneaky at hiding his drink and we all didn’t have any idea. That was until we thought he had a stroke and the ambulance came out. Dad couldn’t stand on his feet and we didn’t know why. Turned out he was just drunk… highly embarrassing as a family.

Then years later he said all along he had stopped but we knew he didn’t. I posted on here for support of his drinking as I caught him and he tried to deny it but I seen it with my own two eyes… he was dead 5 weeks later.

He left behind me, my mum, 3 brothers and 3 grandchildren.

I often ask myself… why did he pick drink over us all? Why was that his option, did he want to die? Etc…. I said some nasty stuff to him and didn’t go to him and my mums house much because I hated seeing him drunk. I still feel guilt over this.

Like you I have hardly heard from any friends and I certainly haven’t seen them. It’s a very lonely time. I have a amazing partner so I am lucky that way.

You’re mum only died 8 weeks ago.. you have to give yourself time to grieve. You have to take each day as it comes. Don’t be hard on yourself. You will go through 100 emotions every single day, sad, angry, happy, resentment, relief and the list goes on.

I coped with exercise, thinking of the good times, childhood memories etc.

Take care of yourself, don’t be hard on yourself! X

[jopdm123]

Hi all,

Since speaking to you all in May last year and sharing with you all my experience. My father died in June of alcoholism, only a month after talking to you all.

Unfortunately he had been drinking for years and it got so bad it caused him to go into multiple organ failure. My father knew he was dying, it’s hard for me even 7 months on to think his addiction took hold so much, he no longer cared for me, my 3 brothers, my mum and his grandchildren. Addiction is extremely hard when the person doesn’t think or recognise they have one.

Since my father died I haven’t drank any alcohol, I used to love sharing a bottle of wine or 2 at the weekends with my partner. I am too scared that because my father was an alcoholic I might turn out to be one. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous but it makes sense in my head.

I hope you are all well!

[jopdm123]

Hi all,

Since speaking to you all in May last year and sharing with you all my experience. My father died in June of alcoholism, only a month after talking to you all.

Unfortunately he had been drinking for years and it got so bad it caused him to go into multiple organ failure. My father knew he was dying, it’s hard for me even 7 months on to think his addiction took hold so much, he no longer cared for me, my 3 brothers, my mum and his grandchildren. Addiction is extremely hard when the person doesn’t think or recognise they have one.

Since my father died I haven’t drank any alcohol, I used to love sharing a bottle of wine or 2 at the weekends with my partner. I am too scared that because my father was an alcoholic I might turn out to be one. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous but it makes sense in my head.

I hope you are all well!

[jopdm123]

Hi BT and Ash, I hope you are both well!!

Just a wee update, I haven’t spoken to my brother since my father died, nearly 7 months ago now. I have heard he’s been arrested a few times but I don’t know what for.

My life is much calmer now he is no longer init and I feel a lot more relaxed. I set boundaries with my mum that I don’t want to hear his name which she respects.

[jopdm123]

Girl next door,

First of all I am so very sorry you feel the way you do, and feel like there is no way out apart from ending your life.

I would also like to say well done for leaving that post, it wouldn’t have been easy for you.

Some advise from past experience with me. My ex was 28 when he committed suicide leaving behind 3 young children, the devastation it left behind lasts forever.

My brother also in the past 6 months has had 4 failed attempts. He also has 2 children. My brothers last attempt left him in a coma with doctors telling the family he would not make it through the night. Luckily he did, it made him realise he couldn’t kill himself, that he was loved and needed.

You girlnextdoor are LOVED and NEEDED by your babies, it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel right now but there is, I promise life will get better!

Make yourself a cuppa tea, run a hot bath and put meditation music on while whispering to yourself ‘calm, I’m loved’. Go and look at your babies sleeping, thinking of them laughing. They NEED you!

Please be strong, seek help and look after yourself! It will get easier x

[jopdm123]

Hi BT and Ash, thank you so much for getting back to me.

I have found out this morning that when he was staying with my mum the few days after my dad died he was using in the house. My dad hated drugs and I feel this is so disrespectful. He took it when my mum was in bed.

She doesnt, and when I try and tell her she doesn’t want to hear it. She feels she needs to be as nice as possible to my eldest brother all the time incase he kicks off or tries to kill himself again. This is extremely frustrating.

I have a lovely partner who is with me every step of the way, but also gets angry when talking about my eldest brother. Cocaine has made my brother very manipulative.

Since my dad died he keeps going on about ‘my dad’ instead of our dad to me and the rest of my siblings. Almost as if he is the only one going through this.

My dads funeral is next week and I just hope that he doesn’t start to cause disruption in the family even more before of after it. Personally I think a lot of what he does is for attention.

I have no started grieving for my dad yet, I haven’t cried yet. I have been so busy looking after my mum, her dogs, the funeral arrangements etc… I’m extremely lucky my work are giving me as much time as I need. But I am exhausted every day, I don’t sleep that well at night.

I have taken this afternoon to myself After being at the funeral directors this morning , I’m currently lying in my bed in the dark reflecting on everything that’s going on and happening.

Ash you are right I do want to scream at him, I want him to know it’s not about him right now, he doesn’t need to hit out at us. I know everyone grieves in their own way but there is no need for his behaviour right now.

I have blocked his number in my phone so I cannot be at the receiving end of his rage anymore.

Thanks again both of you xx

[jopdm123]

Hi Tazzer,

I am speaking from experience here. 10 years ago I was in a relationship with a guy who was 13 years older than me. (I was the same age as your daughter now) He drank, took drugs etc. He was a lovely guy when sober but he abused me physically and mentally for years. He manipulated me and made me feel sorry for him. I left time and time again but always went back. I hid it from my parents and distanced myself from them despite them being my best friends and being extremely close. I know Dee down my parents knew, as I would turn back up on the door step with a broken nose and black eyes. I went through it for years before I finally build up the courage to say enough is enough, that was a few years later. She needs to find confidence in herself and it will come in her own time. I never listened to my parents and only left when I was ready. He would tell me ‘ I will kill myself if you leave’ that was hard as it made me stay. Later on When I left he did subsequently kill himself but that was his demons not me (his family blamed me of course). Give her time, reassure her you are there for her and be there to pick her up.

I know every situation is different.

[jopdm123]

Hi Pete,

So sorry you and your kids are going through this. Seems to be like she is using again unfortunately. Especially if she has addict friends. If you feel like it is effecting your children then you should leave, they don’t deserve to go through it either. Sorry again

[jopdm123]

So after my previous comments above, my dad had said to my mum ‘ I won’t be going to the shops again myself etc etc… all bullshit’ I call this morning 9.30am and he answers and is clearly drunk!

After seeing him drinking neat vodka in the car smoking a cig, throwing the bottle out the window when he seem time, I then go and pick the bottle up and drive away, I watch him crawl through the bushes for it! How desperate must you be! But to be drunk at 930am is just disgusting and I cannot seem to understand or justify it in my head! I am so close to cutting all ties with him! My mum and I are best friends but I feel she sweeps it under the carpet for a easy life! So fed up already and it’s not even 10am

[jopdm123]

Thank you for replying to me. Finding this forum has been amazing for me to know that even when you think your alone your not.

I told my mum what I seen and said she needs to try and get him help. He also told her what I witnessed which is something I suppose. It is just so hard my dad used to be very successful and this big strong man, and now he has nothing and shuffles around like he’s 90 years old.

I just want to help in and my mum before he completely destroys our family. My brothers don’t take much to do with him because of the way he is with my mum, so I feel like I need to help my mum on my own.

I’m like you, not sure how much dad is still alive, it went from neat whiskey to neat vodka.

Sorry to hear you’re going through it too. X

[jopdm123]

Hi,

I am exhausted with my father and don’t know what to do. He has been drinking for years now! Worst of it is, he hides it and denies it however we can all smell it.

Tonight I drove over and found him drinking straight vodka in the car smoking a cigarette. He still tried to deny it which completely blew my mind and he couldn’t understand do had just caught him with my own eyes.

I am a adult, happily married and thankfully don’t live at home. He is so horrible to my mum all the time mentally and she cries all the time. She will not leave him!

I don’t know how to help him or what to do? He is going to drink himself to death, he’s already had heart attacked and 2 days ago was diagnosed with Angina.

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