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You have nothing to be ashamed of! I used to think if only he could see how his behaviour is affecting me, but he could see and he didn’t stop. He’d always justify his drug use and more often than not it was always my fault. Nearly 4 years after leaving him and it’s still my fault now. Always remember that you are not the problem.. He is!
My husband was using the 99p pay at pump scam.. he was using his old card which had £1 in it and filling his dealers petrol tank. He was stealing from his lorry as he was a HGV driver. He would sell almost anything he owned. He would go on dating sites and then give the women a sob story so they would send him money. Addicts are very clever.
I think as a mother I just went into protection mode. I had planned my whole life with this man. It’s taken a long time to accept the situation for what it is. I hope nobody has to go through what I have. I think the only advice to anyone that I could possibly give is to listen to your gut feeling.
I’ve posted on here before after my 15 year relationship broke down. I was married with a mortgage, four children and the usual normal things in life. As far as I was aware, everything was brilliant. My husband worked away mon-friday, we had lovely holidays and a comfortable life… Then came the secret Life he had so cleverly hidden for years.
I found empty bags inside a sock in his work bag! I confronted him and he lied and lied and lied. That’s all he seemed to do. It was neverending and so convincing. I kicked him out and then his mail that he had cunningly redirected started coming. Thousands of pounds worth of debt. We sold our home and he went on a bender with his profits.
He didn’t bother with our children, not even on special occasions. We were left grieving as a family. This man was unrecognisable.
Fast forward 3 years.. He is now living in sheltered accommodation. He now smokes crack and injects amphetamines. I took him to court because on occasion he has turned up at the children’s school to see them. He is subject to a court order now and gets one day a week supervised visits.
His skin is grey and he looks like he’s one step away from death.
He still lies and manipulates anybody he can. He uses dating platforms to guilt vulnerable people into lending him money. He has had help and is continuously offered help and support but he continues this lifestyle.
I have had years of counselling and so have my children.
I never saw the signs when we was together. I lived in a bubble and I was blind to it.
I’m not sure any of us know what to do. I left him and I still think I can somehow save him.. I feel guilt, anger and love for a person I no longer know. I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone.
Hi, I’ve been reading this forum for a few years now. Here’s my story…
I met my husband when I was 17 and we was together for 18 years and we have 4 children together.
I have always been anti drugs so it didn’t even cross my mind that my husband was an addict.
Like many of you I sat at home waiting for him to return from his 4-5 day benders.
I didn’t think it was drugs because he never needed money and it wasn’t affecting us financially!
We owned a nice home, a nice car, our own caravan… I thought we had everything we could ever want in life.
This man was my whole world… That’s how good he was at manipulating!
Now this is how it is now…
He cheated on me 5 times and he advertised himself on a site called fabswingers. He joined numerous dating sites and manipulated women into sending him money!
He’d have a couple on the go at once!
He had been a regular cocaine user for years… I was blind to it! I was naive! I was stupid!
I couldn’t see any bad in this man because I loved him and I was codependent!
He is now using crack!
He shows no interest in our children.. he lost his job! We lost our home! He has debts amounting to more than 20 grand! Drug dealers are on the hunt for him!
He is a stranger! He is nasty and selfish and nothing I say to him is heard!
He now lives in a rotten caravan!
Drugs have completely taken over and it’s destroyed my life too… I was always confident and outgoing! Now I am on anti depressants and beta blockers!
He knows what he has become and he makes no effort to help himself!
For years I have tried to help him but it has taken over my life completely!
It’s been a month now since I last had contact with him!
I have started counselling to break my need for him.
I really hope for anyone in my situation to seek help for themselves and not focus on the addict.