[jphillips]

Locking away phone and keys is a good idea. But don’t you get the craving any other day of the week? Thing is he uses his phone for work and it’s quite often at weekends so this would be near on impossible to do. I have no idea how much he uses if I’m honest because I’m very naive at reading the signs. I’ve never taken drugs so i have little to no knowledge of the signs. But I do know that he manages to blow his wages every week which is at least £150-£300 so its near enough every day I would hazard a guess. But again, it’s only a guess because he doesn’t and won’t tall about it.

I’ll be honest, I’m really at the stage now where I’m thinking of cutting my losses. He claims not to want to talk but I saw him back on his swinging site last night (bcoz I’m keeping tabs on him, not bcoz I’m on it, just to be clear!!) And I’m worth more than that and deserve better. I’m sure he does want more and better out of life, but at the moment I don’t think it’s enough to make him want to stop. Not being funny, but if your kids aren’t a good reason, then what is?? A bleating gf who as far as he can see is just nagging at him to quit, isn’t going to cut it!

May I ask why/how you started? Do you still take it? Is it bcoz people are in a bad place that they take it? Or can they he very happy in life, but just be addicted to it? I need to try and educate myself because what I know about addiction could be written on a postage stamp!

[jphillips]

I literally could’ve written this original thread myself…!

My bf of nearly 2 years has a cocaine addiction, which I was totally oblivious to for months. He’s borrowed over £1000 in the last 6 months. He works, makes decent money but always seems to spend it! He contributed very little to the household. Not knowing much about his past, I went to see his ex wife and she told me that he’d done a stint in rehab a few years back but he relapsed. He then slept with an alcoholic behind her back.

Just this week I found he’d been on a swingers site for the last 5 months and slept with god knows who behind my back. I’m devastated. He’s now living at his mums and although I still love him and want to support him from afar. I’m not sure there’s any hope there. Similarly to you, I have 2 children from my 1st marriage and he has 2 from his 1st marriage. I realise that he has to want to change and I mean genuinely. But only last night I found he was still on the swingers site!!! ????….I don’t know if it’s the drugs or of they’re just an excuse…who knows?

My personal plan is to get some distance between us, let him live at his mums, be supportive from afar and see if he genuinely wants to make some positive changes.

And if he does, then I’ll support him, and maybe give myself a time limit for him to do this. Whilst I’m prepared to support and stand by him, I’m not waiting forever or putting my life on hold. I still need to put myself and my children first. And I think that’s what you should do. It’s very hard when you love someone, I know. You think of what your future could be like if they weren’t an addict. But the cruel reality is that he IS an addict and you can’t rescue them, they have to do it for themselves and mean it and only then may you have a hope of reuniting.

Thoughts are with you. Good luck.

[jphillips]

Thanks DanMan83. I realise that I cannot force him to want to get clean, it’s got to come from him. GENUINELY. I really love him and don’t want to turn my back on him but I have 2 young children from my 1st marriage. He has 2 young children from his 1st marriage. I own my own house, car and have some decent savings and he knows all this. I’ll be damned if he’s going to lose it all through his addiction. He’s at his mums right now and he says that he wants to change, he’s lost enough blah blah blah. But I’m not convinced and hes got a hell of a long way to go to prove anything. And then there’s the sites where he’s been going behind my back! Is it all just too much and should I just cut my losses?!

Problem with deleting numbers, won8he just be able to go out and get it? He said he’s going to give his mum his bank card and she’ll control his money, which she has done before. But I’m worried he’ll just get tick so I’m not sure that’ll help either!!

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