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Hi everyone, been a while since I posted.
My son is still
Living with his girlfriend, kept up with his therapy and is still working hard. He is now clean. I’ve been testing every time he comes round, and he has stayed at home a few times. It’s better. I believe it’s better because I stopped enabling. I reached my limit and he hit is total rock bottom. He lost everything for a couple of weeks and it scared him. I stepped right away from him. He’s sorted his debt with the company step change. I still don’t trust him, I still don’t believe a word he says. … yet I’m starting to see a ray of light.
I saw addict first, son second. And I treated the addict and disconnected from my son. The hardest and darkest time of my life. A year on and I’m a changed woman, still don’t really fee like a mother. But I have so much hope.
Stay amazing people… remember you are x
It is time for you now.
Because when he/ they eventually are ready for recovery you will have the strength to help them. Until then step back. That might be asking to him leave the home, don’t lend him car, shop him. Stop the money giving. It will get harder before it gets easier. It sounds like you have reached your limit. Go to the substance misuse teams speak to them yourself. They are great at helping you find the strength to move on.
Good luck
Wow… uni? A huge step…. and you’ve had some success’s? We’ll still always have the “what ifs and whys” though won’t we.
I’ve been going to a family support group once a week which I’ve found amazing and so supportive, they look at things like enabling, guilt, acceptance etc…. really helping me to see that there are things I can’t change, and how for me to be ok with him not being ok… if that makes sense.
Still miss him like crazy, and carrying around a broken heart is really hard work! However, he claims he’s been clean for weeks, yet refuses to do a drug test so we’re all still in limbo, waiting for one of us to give in. I’ve wanted to… but know I can’t.
I long for him to lie next to me with a hot choc watch monsters inc and fall asleep in bed … just like he did when he was 6!!! However he’s 21 so that’s not really possible. Ha!
Thanks for replying, good to know that in some form or another we’re making it to tomorrow. Take care. X
Hi everyone, been a while since I posted….. how are you all doing?
X
Oh how awful for you. And bless her too, what must she be going through?
Is she willing to talk to a substance misuse service, or perhaps you could? If you ring FRANK ( google it) they can tell you where the nearest one to you is. sounds like she hit a real low last night.
You are doing all the right things, you are good mum.
Try and keep your strength as hard as it is. In one shape or another you are managing day to day.
Much love.
Hi, just wondering how you are all doing?
For me I feel like I’m going through a grieving process. I’m so tempted to say “ come home” I don’t know what to say , do or feel. I can’t bear it.
You are so not alone.
Remember the addiction has taken over our child & ruined their life as well as ours.
I’m certain you me and every other parent going through this will reflect with our babies about this one day.
Hold on to your sanity.
Hope the read isn’t to distressing. It’s not meant to be. Take on the strength.
Maybe one day we’ll be writing the book!!
X
Hay, ginger poppy & Jim.
What hell are we going through??? I’ve just read some information about a course called CRAFT, it’s basically a way to change your interactions with an addict child to help them into a program whilst they are living at home. I think it’s around us changing our behaviours that might enable the addiction ( like we don’t know we that huh!!) perhaps I should have read it before I made the decision to ask my baby to leave? But I think I’d stopped enabling it a long time ago…. or did I! Still feeling crappy with myself and the worst parent ever.
Isn’t it strange how I feel worse for not enabling the addiction than I did for supporting it??
Have you read any of the book ginger?
My advice is take it hour by hour, notice the good stuff your kids do… there will be something even if it’s just the fact they walked upstairs rather than stomped!! There is good in them, some times were just to wrapped up in worry, which they perceive as anger/nagging/controlling, to notice. Stay strong x
Well done… the first “no’s” are hard. You might get some backlash, but stay strong.
Have you read the book. ““mum, lend me £20?” It’s what helped me ….
My son came round last night, was calm and reasonable. Told me that he hadn’t taken any coke for 4 weeks, he’s gonna apply to uni for September move away from it all….. then started to say he has no money and is going to festival at the weekend and needs money to give the driver. I didn’t bite, didn’t offer money. Then he calmly left after having a shower and some tea. I locked the gate then locked the door not knowing where he was going to sleep last night. At times I hate myself for doing this to my baby, but then know I have no choice. I want to believe him, but I can’t. I just to have hope.
We are all the same road, and we do have to keep our strength, and if this forum is the place voice it then we need to use it. Sending so much love to all us wonderful mums living the life we never imagined. Stay strong wonderful women x
Hi, I know the failure feeling. I know the guilt I know the manipulation. My son has been using for 6/7 years, started on cannabis, now it’s cocaine and the £10000 debt that comes with it. This past weekend I’d had enough, we’d got him into a programme smothered him with family love and support…. but he couldn’t do it. So, I asked home to leave home. I took his key and I hate it. My baby is sofa surfing with so much pressure and shame consuming him. But, I was enabling him, killing him with kindness. It’s time for him to take responsibility and hopefully make the right choice. I can’t eat, sleep I cry all the time. Yet, I won’t have him back. So although I feel like I’ve failed,I know I had no more fight in me. I’d exhausted it all. I hold onto hope ……