[kate1]

Thank you I have. Week of work I should be doing things not just being stressed about my son. I will stay with not giving him any money and see how this goes I will also turn off my phone when his text get to much

[kate1]

Well my phone is off I feel sick to the stomach because I know my son won’t get to work which means he will lose his job. I should have done this years ago when he didn’t have much to lose but I know if it continues he will take me down with him. I hate this so much. He will blame me as usual for his plight not the dealers who he can’t stay away from or his on line gambling. Not his decision to ignore his bills and debts expecting me to pay them off. I can’t do it anymore

[kate1]

Thank you the analogy with the plane makes absolute sense and reassures me. Thank you for your kindness and prayers x I will let you know how tomorrow goes

[kate1]

Yes they have started. How am I meant to get to work then. He says the money I took that he owed me (I didn’t get it all) for debts food etc I have stolen from him he wants it back. I am now ignoring him. It breaks my heart to hear him like this he has had 1000s off me he is bleeding me dry.

[kate1]

Thank you is there any end in sight for you. It has gone quiet at the moment but I expect he has either borrowed money to get to work or in the morning I will get a barrage of abusive messages about how I am ruining his life and how heartless I am watching him struggle. In fact I care too much I wish I had backed away years ago maybe he would be ok now

[kate1]

When you say change out behaviour do you mean not enabling. I have decided that’s my route I should have done it years ago he is 28 now. I dispair of the future Sounds like you have really been through the mill with your son. So sad x

[kate1]

But yes this is going to happen I need to get him healthy and if losing everything is what it takes so be it

[kate1]

Yes but it means he won’t get to work and will lose his job which actually funds only his habit really it pays his rent only cos I have arranged rent to go out when money goes in

[kate1]

I know I am now getting threatening messages from him if I don’t give him his money (which is actually 100 a small amount he owed me he actually owed at least 250) it will cost me big time. That’s what he says. I have told him if he makes any more threats I will call the police. He says he can’t get to work and has no food

[kate1]

Yes he makes sounds but never comes to anything he started going cocaine anon before lockdown that’s drifted now. When he gets paid the dealer gets his money 480 this month in vArying amounts he got paid then had 4 days off work. He says he is just paying off old debts but it’s been months and months

[kate1]

Thank you for that. It’s good that you see both sides. It is breaking my heart to see what he has become. I get glimpses of my son but when he is desperate for money he is awful I don’t even like him. Yes I understand that he doesn’t care so I know I do have to leave him to it. In four years I retire I have no savings left and I don’t want to be trying to bail him out on my pension

[kate1]

I have replied but don’t think it’s come to your user name

[kate1]

Thank you for replying. No you are right nothing is really changing he works but doesnt pay his bills or debts all his money goes on drug dealers and on line gambling his rent gets paid as I arranged for it to come out the day his pay goes in. He isn’t even putting money away to get to work it has to stop now for me he is bleeding me dry slowly. I am in touch with Drugfam who give me support and of course I have now redound this forum. Can I ask have you been through this yourself if so what did you do. Did it help

[kate1]

Have you got similar problem how are you coping. I feel so bad for not continuing to give him money it’s never ending and when he doesn’t get it he is so abusive. If it’s not now it will be soon but he will lose his job he gets so incapacited he can’t go to work. What do I do

[kate1]

My son is an addict I have spent thousands paying dealers debts bills to no avail I have been trying to help him manage his money he now accuses me of taking his money and is demanding it back. It’s money I have used for some of his debts buying him food. Getting him to work. I have now turned my phone off I know he won’t get to work for the rest of the month. He is dragging me down with him. I cannot keep giving him money.

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