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Thank you all so much for your responses. It’s a lonely world when you can’t really talk about addiction.
When we were together before it got to the stage where we were living like poor people. We have a lovely big house and to fb we looked like the perfect couple living the perfect life.
When actually some days I didn’t know how we were gonna get food. He spent on average of 3 thousand pounds a month on cocaine. (I didn’t realise till after) I had no control over finances as I’m a housewife.
I don’t know if it’s just me but my husband can go about 9 days before he relapses. In those 9 days he’s low mood, naps, can get angry easily. When he knows he’s getting it he’s the happiest man in the world which is when I start to panic
I think I feel guilty because I had a part to play in it. I should of got help sooner or done something. I feel guilty for keeping the secret for so long. Seriously I don’t know how long that will take to get over. I feel guilty for lying to my teenage daughter when she found a bag of coke in the house and me protecting him by lying that I didn’t know what it was.
I was also trying to protect myself I knew if I told friends or the doctor that they would judge me and think the kids were in danger or something. All the lies I have told for him makes me feel guilty. When I turned up at many family parties events and said he was home Ill. When actually he was high.
I just feel in protecting him for so long and trying to get him help, I lost who I was. I was depressed I had 4 children and then we had a baby with health conditions but still I put him first, trying to protect and help him.
I feel like I’ve been a shit mum even tho I know I’ve done everything I can and I’ve held this family together and tried to protect them.
I feel bad for saying this but I can’t live this life with him anymore.
I know I need to concentrate on the children and myself but I feel guilty that he has no one really and he wants to make it work, but I know drugs will be in his life.
I was always told the drugs only became a problem in this relationship and that family life and teenagers were to blame. But I’ve recently found out that’s why his last relationship didn’t work.
I still love him And there’s always the hope he will change.
Love to you all