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Oh they definitely no for sure. I get it because he does the same thing to me. Its confusing and hurtful. I never know how this will end up. He says he end up dead or something like he will suffer so it’s always negative. Then he gets bursts of energy and hopefulness. Doesn’t last tho it’s relentless.
Think that’s the drug. They are so messed up on that crap. It’s crazy and I’m sure the show will go on as long as we allow it ????
It’s pretty messed up and predictable. I tell him he leads a boring existence really.
I often wonder what he’d do if I just blanked him for ages! I have asked him once and his reply was this:
“Without my soulmate I’d give up with life because what would be the point”.
So I’m like (in my head)
“This guy is nuts”
I mean how strange! If I am that much to him what is all this madness about ????????
It’s exhausting, and I’m not short of offers and he knows it which winds him up even more.
Oh goodness I hired a skip and was having my garden done and low and behold I got the whole “who’s doing the garden” bla bla as if I’m a damsel! I think these men have double standards!
He always tells me his deep dark issues which makes him exposed and vulnerable! I think he “let’s of steam” around me, but I also think it’s a manipulation tool to keep me feeling sad for him.
Oh his booked a holiday in September! Obvs I said a few things, then decided to tell him I’m going on a girls holiday – would you believe he went missing for two weeks came back and blamed me and demanded I don’t go. But he can go!
If he went for a month I would not answer my phone! I won’t answer when he calls next week (and he will). It’s all cat and mouse but you know what I’m not available when he feels to contact so I’m not going to bother to answer! He then rings rings and rings. He seems to sort it out when this happens.
Sounds exactly the same. One time he said he was going to London to see his Mum, so I said “that’s good” and he was like “why is it” – defiant and sensitive!
Well the longest has to be two weeks, although he would argue if it was 11 days and I said two weeks. Sometimes it’s every day, and then he goes. I hate it. I’m on day 9 at the moment, but I’ve heard that’s his said he needs to contact me ????. Assh**e.
I will get all the BS. And then he will demand to see me and all the intensity that comes along with it. If I’m quiet, he doesn’t like it and loses it a bit.
On the phone last Friday he said “let’s just get married” then spilled a load of his childhood trauma out and boom his gone again. I know I’m his safe place and someone who provides him with care and safety but damn he is unbelievably unreliable.
I told him I’m going to date this year and you would have thought I’d killed a kitten or something! Don’t like that I tell ya!
But I will and I am going to be a bit more open despite how deep I’m in it with him. No one is like him, but that’s the issue.
I reckon he’d go ballistic if I did go out and meet someone. I went Poland last year and he blamed his relapse on that!
Joker’s
I get it all and it’s weird how similar it seems to be. I have thought that I’m even linked to his drug use so in retrospect he is “addicted” to me in some strange way. It’s almost like we are the ones they want but their lifestyle don’t match up with what they want. Its probably all the shame and low self worth, I say that because he always says I’m too good for him and I deserve better bla bla. He is probably right but you can’t help it if someone is in your head and your heart.
It’s like cat and mouse continuously.
Friends don’t get it and are quick to say “move on” and they’re right – we should! But that pull is too deep. It’s a deep connection so to break it will break us!
It’s a head f***
Oh god I get all that also but I think he is just telling me what I want to hear. Giving me a bit of hope etc.
A long time, which makes it worse really because as time goes on its harder. We get on so well and he makes me laugh and has good energy. But the lows and the drama is too much. It’s as though I’m his all. I know that’s BS though. I think he wants the life with me but his issues are too much for him to manage.
He always says he will change and there I am believing it all, even tho I’ve been here many times. It is false hope verses some hint of him being genuine. I say that because I do believe he thinks alot of me but he can’t seem to “get it together”.
It’s heartbreaking and will probably be the one that got away. ????
I do understand. I’ve been there. I’ve wanted change so much and I for a long time enabled my ex partner. It’s so so sad and when I think back I feel sick and the pain comes back. I’m still not over all the crap I went through and I’ll probably be a little more less of a person I was before it all.
I was strong just like you and said all these things, but in the end I broke down.
It pains me to hear all this and how many people get destroyed by this devil drug. You’re right tho he does need to get professional help, he definitely will struggle to do it himself, that’s even if he wants too. Remember, they say they want to change, but it’s all in the action! Addicts lie and manipulate and in the end you’ll second guess your own mind.
Oh the blame, lies and mood swings are awful!
I hope you talk things over with family and friends to gain some perspective, as sometimes we get lost in our own.
Ok so I once met someone I thought was my soul mate – he probably would have been if he wasn’t hooked on this drug. I absolutely loved him, totally besotted. He did all this as you’ve mentioned, kept coming back to me, opening up to me and when things went to crap it would be me who was his “safe place”. We would spend hours and hours talking and I could listen all day long to him. He slept about and told me, and I still thought the world of him – I still do! He was also very good and making me feel like his “princess” and no one came close to me!
But. In the end I couldn’t keep doing this because I was always waiting about – and believe me if I tried to end stuff then wow he’d come back in full force. However, when we settled again the pattern went back the same!
To be honest I got used to it in the end and accepted the situation for what it was. I was stuck on him! My mind was focused on the next time he’d call or make contact and a part of me hoped he would need me soon!
Can you see the similarities here. I get it! You love him and you care for him! But take a step back! Put some boundaries up and keep your options open because this bull crap is unfair and unhealthy!
Now, to date with this one I talk about i expect he will call with all his promises soon! I’m considering telling him to get lost but I know he wouldn’t accept it well!
It’s all hard but somehow I think we have to untangle ourselves and begin to LIVE our lives without all the above! But us humans love to fall in love with the idea of love ????
What’s he doing so far in terms of recovery and change? Is he engaged in a drugs service? Does he attend CA or any other kind of support services?
It’s brave of you to give him a chance, however in the end you end up giving more and more and more of yourself until you lose yourself.
If he wants to change then it has to be for himself and not for anyone or anything else, because although external things are a motivator it’s not the best. Internal motivation is when change occurs. How would you know he isn’t using? I suspect patterns and behaviours.
The lies, abuse, cheating, Betrayals, financial loss and so on and so fourth. That’s the reality and do not be fooled otherwise! That drug is dark and changes them into monsters.
I hope things work out well for you I do and take it from someone who’s been thru hell (with kids) this is not a rollercoaster that will be easy at all – in fact it destroys people.
So if that’s what you need and want then best of luck.
I think you should be concerned that you are thinking of settling down with someone who is clearly addicted to drugs. Do you know much about cocaine addiction? I suggest you go read some of these threads and how damaging this drug is to families – bringing children into hell (because that’s what it is) is not cool!!
The impotence could definitely be down to long term usage of this drug!
Probably be best to do some independent research and find out for yourself the affects.
Cocaine addiction is awful and dangerous so id say be careful with what path you wanna go down here.
You’re right BT1978 it is so easy to obtain anything these days (dark web).
You wouldn’t really know if something is genuine unless you’re a pharmaceutical (medically trained) so again be careful, these people are skilled at what they do and that’s why they “copy” drugs to look exactly how the genuine ones look.
I’m pleased you’re supportive of your son, but look after yourself also.
Keep talking and accessing support for you also.
Maybe he is telling you what you want to hear to keep you around as he could think he is losing his grip. I’m throwing that out there and it might not be so. But these people are skilled at manipulation.
As for making you look bad – to who? And what about YOU in all this. From what I’m observing you’re hurting also. It’s not fair that you are the only one he can Dump and run his problems on. A healthy person should have people all over to talk to. You have your friends don’t you. Ask yourself why has h burnt all his bridges as these are all red flags. You know this you’re a bright girl. But you’re hurt and disappointed, I do understand and reading this might sound harsh but if you just give yourself time and break free you would most likely agree.
It’s not fair how he is treating you and like ive said before and will keep saying you don’t deserve all this. You deserve love, Respect and all the rest of it that comes from a healthy relationship. What he wants is an ideation at the moment. He needs to sort his demons out.
Be strong ????
Mixing any substances is dangerous.
Cannabis has a direct affect on memory and emotion so undoubtedly it will affect a person’s mental health.
Is your son getting diazepam illicitly? The reason I say this is because there are alot of dealers selling a version of this drug.
“Criminal gangs are selling fake Valium online at a fraction of the cost of genuine tablets, leading people to take potentially lethal doses of illicitly-produced drugs, according to a leading addiction treatment service”.
Tricky if he doesn’t want to stop, however if he agrees to chat with a drugs worker things might change.
Best of luck
You’re not being stupid. You love the guy! Does he deserve that? NO! You deserve the love you keep giving him.
And listen trust me you don’t want the reverse. Broken families, marriages, kids, homes and hearts – nah you’re the lucky one! You’ve had a lucky escape, I’m sure others who LIVE with the hell will tell you so. It broke me and I consider myself to be strong!
And he keeps coming back because he can! Eventually you will leave x