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That could be a number of substances to be fair, especially Ketamin as it’s a disassociate drug. Could be crack as it impairs reality or hullucinates. It’s hard to pinpoint just by what you say as to what substance he could be using as it’s not really enough information.
People on drugs are selfish and have little feelings for others. I know that’s harsh but that’s the truth. Addiction consumes people and sadly that’s why places like this exist because families and relationships suffer tremendously.
From experience id say protect yourself and focus on you. Nothing you do will ever change his behaviors, however if you change how you react then things might get better.
Drugs and Alcohol destroys lives. Like I said families and the addict.
Thank you for those kind words. It’s really difficult seeing someone’s you once knew turn into something really unkind and nasty. Complete personality change. I’m left picking up the pieces while he is doing God knows what and hiding behind blame.
It’s put me off people and certainly made me less trusting of others
My ex has changed completely from a loving loyal family man to an absolute monster. We was together 22 years. No issues other than normal family life ups and downs. Then he took this drug and everything changed. He is emotionless, cheated on me and become unrecognizable. It’s sad because I know this isn’t him. I don’t think he understands what’s going on himself as he just looks confused, however blames me for EVERYTHING. He won’t read all this because he doesn’t see he has an issue and on top of that seems to lie about his drug use – says he ain’t got an issue. I got the old classic lines about not being in love and all the rest of it. I’m tired of blame – I mean how did I make him cheat on me, lie constantly and become nasty! I didn’t change he did. At first I couldn’t eat, sleep, cried for days/weeks/ months and my hair fell out. Hurt is definitely a word Id use.
We wasn’t even his rock bottom. So now the basement will have to catch up with him one day.
All I can do is look after our two girls and rebuild my life.
I’m sad for my family and yours and all the families that have broken down due to cocaine or whatever substances.
Pleased you’re adamant you wont use again, and that it no longer controls your life.
Cocaine is the road to ruin.
PS That’s nice to hear and I’m sure you’ll go on to be the father your children deserve
Reading your story Addgg, made me sad for a few reasons. Getting clean is no easy task so good on you. Ive read alot on here from the families perspective (non user), so it’s refreshing reading your story as it gives an insight of the “other side”. You talk about regret, I’m guessing it’s like looking at your family and reflecting on how that should/could have been you. I suppose what upsets me is that so many families lives are ruined when substances are involved. My own family has been destroyed by cocaine – I absolutely hate that drug. It’s been six months for us, and he is far from the man I once knew. Sadly I think eventually he will regret everything also, which I think is the most heartbreaking of all. I felt compelled to say something to you, because I just think it’s all so very sad. I’m pleased you see your children, and I hope you stick with the sobriety.
I think you’ve done amazingly and been extremely supportive.
Sounds like the hospital may have given him a partial detox. You could request a discharge summary from the hospital and Chase up with GP for more guidance.
Usually with withdrawals it’s about drinking to what the body requires – so he’d need to learn to understand physical withdrawal and not psychological. In other words drink what you need and not what you want.
He should be grateful towards you as you sound really caring and supportive. It’s just sad you’re having to go through this. It’s awful I know. Devastating.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself and remember ultimately it’s his responsibility. Pleased he is going to AA zoom meetings, he could go to them all day if he wanted to keep his motivation going.
Bless you. You’re doing great yourself and also very brave. It’s so nice to have a break isn’t it. I get it.
I hope for all of you that he manages to access the programme and actually stick to it. Might be worthwhile finding a good counsellor so he can begin to explore some of the deeper reasons he drinks alcohol. Personally I think that’s where he will benefit the most.
Keep talking and received the hugs with love thank you.
Wishing you hope, strength and healing. X
We are all here to support one another, and I am glad you’ve found some support for yourself. Talking things through and reasoning things out with others helps us all, even when we don’t want to or feel defensive.
Walking down this path with an alcoholic is definitely not one to do alone, so good for you for reaching out.
We all get angry and in more ways than one it’s designed to protect ourselves and keep us safe from harm. It’s ok to be angry, however anger does make us irrational.
Its good that he is getting support at the hospital as it sounds like he was in severe withdrawal (DT’s). Probably scared the hell out of him too. Hopefully he can get some support on discharge, even if it is online zoom meetings with AA.
Addiction has ruined my family, broke my heart over and over again, so I’d like to send hugs and understanding from one fellow to another that is going through the throws of addiction. It’s hard, it’s emotional, it’s draining, it’s frustrating, confusing and most of all soul destroying.
Focus on your recovery and keep talking. Be nice to yourself because this life wears you down, chips away at self esteem and removes all logic. X
Oh I’m sorry to hear this. Sounds as though he needs a hospital detoxification which obviously needs to be done in a clinical setting so try not to beat yourself up about the services. It’s safer and set up to save lives.
I think the key is for him to sustain abstinence when he is discharged otherwise the cycle just continues. I know how scary it is and I’m sad that you’ve had to go through all this. It’s not easy to live with and I’m sure this is not what you wanted in a relationship. You deserve so much better and so does your family.
Keep going back to Al Anon. Can even give you some details of meetings if you like. You’re very brave to keep chatting here and sharing what you’re going thru.
Really good to hear you’ve spoken to someone from Al Anon. They’ve literally been a lifeline for me and many people dealing with the affects of substance misuse.
The thing about negativities is more about detachment. If you detach from the addicts behaviour then you take it’s power away from you. It’s all designed to shift the focus back onto you so you begin to take care of yourself. It’s far from easy watching your life slip away from you. It’s in no way a criticism.
I’m glad he has attempted getting support, however I am aware that they will only change when they want to change, so I agree with you on that.
Some alcoholics might have a level of control, and that can be frustrating in it self, but to sustain that for longer periods of time presents it’s challenges for an addict. Look at it this way – the addict may not drink when his daughter comes along, but he knows full well that he will after his daughter leaves which would make it easier to maintain sobriety in the short term. Hope that makes sense.
It might be worthwhile talking to his GP or someone if you are concerned about the speech. It could be a sign of something else possibly and not just because he has consuming alot of alcohol.
During anytime in life living with an alcoholic is tough let alone during lockdown. I really feel for you all.
Here comes the hard part, we all have choices in life. You have to consider where you want to go from here and keep you and your family safe.
Take good care
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this once again! I can sense the frustration. Have you ever heard of Al Anon? They support families affected by substance misuse, particularly alcoholics.
If he is alcohol dependant then he would need to reduce very gradually to avoid alcohol related withdrawals. Withdrawal from alcohol can lead to death, so if in the instance he had a seizure then he would need to attend the hospital regardless of your opinions and feelings about that.
Has he ever been to any services that could give him the support he needs? Or AA meetings?
The first step he would need to do is admit he has a problem, then perhaps discuss his problem with his GP and refer himself into a service which support people affected by substances.
Perhaps start to focus on you now and your reactions to this situation, because I can’t imagine this is helping with your well being.
No amount of anger, resentment and or any other negativities will help this situation, it will only harm you more.
Keep talking, keep sharing and reading other people’s stories as you will begin to understand the nature of addiction.
If it was as easy and as logical as “just give up” then deaths associated to alcoholism wouldn’t be the third leading killer in the UK.
Best of luck
Thank you
No problem and remember to look after yourself. Thank you for your kind words also
Well don’t go to far down the rabbit hole. When all came on top for me I was on the floor! I had people supporting me when I took the brave steps to remove him from my life, and after those many years it wasnt easy facing life separately. Still isn’t to be fair but the alternative is so much worse.
Keep reading the threads here, keep researching and keep talking.
Always focus on you and let him get on with it. If you’re going to stay then don’t look for his stuff, detach from threats and any arguments, literally let him get on with it. Wants to waste his life then let him but don’t waste your energy on it.
You’d be surprised if you stop responding he will wonder why and it might just stop him in his tracks, and keep you sane.
Always here.
Of course you feel that way, as you’ve had to face disappointment and a whole other range of emotions no doubt. Your reaction is completely understandable, and yes of course it isn’t how you want to be.
We want to be loved, cared for and respected as we all do. But that’s not what is happening here is it, so in other words you are reacting to bs.
I don’t miss the heartbreak of finding the wraps, lil bags all over the place. It slowly wears you down emotionally, and believe me it can destroy you to your very core.
Lockdown won’t stop them, dealers are still working and as for having no money, well as long as he isn’t getting any on tick. I suppose if he isn’t going out then maybe he ain’t but if he is well then keep an open mind.
The mucus coming out of the nose is damage from drug use.
I get what you mean about testing, it isn’t a way to live but neither is worrying, mistrusting and all the other suspicious activity.