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Did he stop using then? When I said “tough love doesn’t work” I meant in terms of substance misuse not functioning, as some addicts can function perfectly with an addiction. In a nutshell, I mean no one can false someone to stop abusing drugs, so the threat of leaving someone etc doesn’t work! Yeh, might false him to get a job but does it false a person to give up substances? Not usually.
I suppose i should have explained a lil differently.
Hi, without knowing exactly what’s happening it’s hard to comment. What’s troubling you the most? Behaviour? Always behaviour when addiction is involved.
Tough love doesn’t work! Sadly until your son wants to help himself there is very little you can do.
If he has offences then you could ask the court/solicitor on his behalf to request a DRR which is rehabilitation in the community.
Have you spoken to his ex partner? Did he take all her money? Wow
The thing is people can always check social media for updates, so often it is a platform for trouble. And I believe people only post what they want others to see, and definitely not as life is for them, so you’re right about that one.
I’m alright, have my up and down days, especially when I feel alone. Life is tough at times and 2020 has been shite for all of us.
Hi ladies,
I can completely relate to everything that’s been written here sadly. I ended up with PTSD over the hell I was put thru. You’re right, that drug is so destructive, and the behaviour from the addict can drive you to insanity. The lies, let downs, manipulation and so on..
I left what was once I good relationship of 22 years. No idea what he is doing now, but the fact he don’t see our kids speaks volumes.
I’m 8 months down the line now and I’m still in alot of pain. I hope it gets easier but it’s hard to hang on to some sort of hope when you’ve been so badly treated
Sadly, I understand only to well also which upsets me because there are so many families/relationships destroyed by this substance.
Cocaine turns people into monsters that becomes obsessed with themselves and the behaviours associated to it.
It very nearly killed me, so leaving was my only option also. You say about “choosing you” – I like that and it’s a good way to look at things because “I chose me too”. But, it was the hardest decision of my life.
I felt wounded, heartbroken and lost. Imagine being second, third or whatever best over No 1 aka cocaine.
I doubt I’ll ever understand what happened and how quickly that drug destroyed my ex partner.
I think I’ll always be numb and hurt over what I went through – I can’t even think about it. I now suffer with PTSD so if you’re thinking of staying then think again.
Don’t end up like me. X
Best of luck. To be honest it won’t be easy so I don’t blame you leaving. Life with a heroin addict is no fun and it’s such a difficult drug to break free of. I actually think it removes a person Totally and they become a shell of themselves.
Take good care
When starting OST they do induct the initial doses to avoid precipitated withdrawals (starting on lower doses to titrate up) so they can start the programme delayed which means he might not be lying.
I hope things work out for you all, and I’m sure the decision you made was right for you and your family.
Big hugs to you it’s not an easy decision to make but you have to protect yourself.
Wow definitely sounds like his been an absolute compulsive liar. That’s awful for you but least you know now, still hurts though. What a horrid person, and it goes to show he has fed her BS also.
I’d be inclined to message her as well but to be honest she probably won’t even listen! That would irritate you more in the end.
Oh he will return, and I hope you stick to your guns because he sounds so unreliable and you won’t have what you deserve with him.
As for the wedding posts well maybe she’s delusional or just stupid. Has love goggles on but she will eventually learn the hard way!
How you doing now tho luv?
The programme is it OST (opioid substitute treatment)? And GP prescribing?
Both medications work well as long as managed under guidance, coupled with psychological interventions.
The reason people stay on methadone for years is due to the drug regime being “the maintenance model”. In most services now the focus has shifted to treating withdrawals and working towards reduction plans.
It’s all down to how long someone has been using, what substance and motivation!
There is no other reason, especially if you did the test three times? I work with drug tests every day all day and I’ve heard it all before. They cannot touch a drug and then test positive, they can’t be laced or any other excuse because they measure the quantity and there has to be enough in the system to measure, so it would mean more than traces consumed.
Interesting if the test was inconclusive, which could imply something iffy with the test but it was positive which indicates he has used drugs in whatever came back pos.
Maybe his upset is guilt. Sorry
Well, this is an assumption, but it could have started as Cocaine ( sniffing) – it’s same substance mixed up differently. Usually they try crack as it’s cheaper! Could be that, but then again only he can answer all those questions you have. However, addicts lie. It’s crap situation you’re in and i know how hard it is. I’ve been there! You will get thru this eventually. I hate drugs, absolutely destroys everything!
It changes them into people we no longer recognize I understand that. And they become monsters/ selfish monsters.
I’m here if you need to talk. Al another are good support also if you require additional support
Did he have an addiction when you first met him?
There really isn’t anything you can do for him as he needs to want to sort himself out for himself. I’ve seen this time and time again where peoples lives are destroyed by drugs, and poor family members suffer tremendously. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but a life with a crack user is no picnic, and it will destroy you eventually.
If he isn’t willing to get the help he needs then you’re going to need to leave and safeguard your children.
Crack addiction is powerful and he would need a lot of determination to get thru this, however at the moment he doesn’t seem willing.
Please don’t walk the streets looking for him as that’s so dangerous, and you don’t know who and what you will bump into. For example, what if he owes a dealer money? What if then they follow you home? Maybe he goes away from the home so that that life don’t impact on your family!
As heartbreaking as it sounds you have to put you and the kids first now and prepare yourself for changes.
Big hugs
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about addiction it’s that there is very little one can do to change another’s behaviour. As heartbreaking as that sounds its true. Sure, you can be there for practical things, but I think we’re talking more emotional here, and because you’re his mum, and been doing this for many years you must be exhausted and at the end of your tether! That in it’s self is just absolutely heartbreaking and I’m sorry you’re going thru this.
You have to look after yourself, as they say “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. One approach talks about the change in us. So, what that means is this: if we change, the things around us begin to change. Our perspective, our thinking, our behaviours and ultimately our needs. The hope is that this promotes positive energy which attracts more positive waves. I suppose in some way the “addict” may see this change and then want the same.
It makes sense but in practice that would be a challenge. It means we are forever changing… Some change with us and some don’t. And at some point we have to decide for ourselves what we can let go of and what we hold onto.
Happy to talk things through with you Kate anytime. Be nice to yourself.
From what I can see there’s been a ton of advice on here ????????. And other post’s. That’s how it works. That being said you could always share your own story and then in that way they will give you what you need and comment just to you. It’s all about observation here, however if you require some one to one support then I’d suggest counselling for yourself Kate, and or support groups such as Al Anon.
When I speak, I speak to all, hoping that experience reaches e everyone and not just one person. Take care!
That’s the thing isn’t it, not only do you have to decline invites but also manage the feelings around it. Of course it makes you feel crap! It’s like youve put yourself in time out. But, you know the consequences, so id say make different plans with the family and forget the invite or tell yourself “another time”.
Unfortunately, giving up the addiction = changing your whole life, which means everything you know. That’s the reality of recovery and it’s a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended)