[kel1]

You mention you have two children? I think you need to shift your focus and consider the impact and potential dangers to your children. If he owes alot of money (dealers) they wouldn’t think twice about coming to your house regardless if kids are there or not.

Lavish lifestlye? Did you know he was a dealer while going on your holidays and living this new life? If you did I would urge you to go and get some support yourself and discuss this with your family and friends to gain some perspective here.

He in no way sounds stable enough to be around children end of story.

[kel1]

Crack is cheaper so it makes sense it’s that. It’s an awful situation and unfortunately a long road to recovery. Heroin literally sucks the life out of people and rips the soul from them.

Try get yourself some support and look after yourself.

[kel1]

It’s not uncommon for users to use crack cocaine combined. It’s risky but unfortunately it goes hand in hand.

It might be that he is using crack to counteract the heroin use. It’s very addictive also. He should still continue with his methadone programme and update his drugs worker for safety advice. It is frustrating, however all you can do is encourage at this stage and hope he continues to engage in recovery.

[kel1]

I know and that’s the anxiety talking there. Try taking your mind off things for today. One day at a time. Remember you’re in recovery also

[kel1]

Sounds as though youve both been thru tough times in life. Allow him some space and try to focus on you for now. He knows you’re there for him, and giving him space may give him time to think and reflect about what he wants from his life and an opportunity to miss you. If you contact him and he don’t respond you open up yourself to more heartache and possibly push him further away. I know you’re hurting and are wanting to hear from him but try to leave things for now. And he may just be thinking and reply later on to you.

I can see you’re in despair as am I, and it’s the unknown that hurts. In my case i am trying to let him go which is killing me slowly.

It’s so tough I know, but all this worry is going to make you very unwell.

[kel1]

It’s hard trying to cope when you have children, and confusing for them no doubt. It’s good you’re all sticking together at this time tho.

My children are a bit older so yes they’re aware of his drug use. Couldn’t really keep it from them as I found wraps in front of one of them in his wallet.

Plus his smoked weed on and off as well in our home (not while I’m present) and they’ve smelt that too. It’s all just terrible isn’t it. As I’m saying it I’m feeling crappy that they’ve had to endure that.

[kel1]

Oh Laura sorry to hear that. Sounds like your heart is heavy at the moment. Are you sleeping and eating well? Look after yourself the main thing is that you love yourself so focus on that for now because in addiction you end up focusing so much on them you lose yourself. Don’t do that. Find yourself again and be kind to yourself.

[kel1]

Oh maybe he is on the road to recovery then. Good for him. Hope it continues and I a hope you’ve stopped crying. It’s really hard isn’t it.

[kel1]

One thing I have learnt is addicts are skillful in lying and hiding things so unfortunately it’s all down to trust, however alot of what they say is lip service sadly. I’ve heard it all a thousand times and in the end you get fed up with the lies. I hope he is straight now, for his sake, but do take care of yourself.

I’m pretty sure if his off the drugs he may be depressed, in which case he will be battling through things, which will probably put him in a negative mindset.

I know it’s hard – I think mine is on one this week as his spying on me at 3am in the morning on my social media. Who the hell is up at that time. Gear!!

Think I’m a bit angry with him today haha

[kel1]

You’re more than welcome and im also a believer in arriving in certain people’s lives when most needed.

I’m sorry to hear about your brother, losing a sibling (or anyone) is so difficult and I hope you’ve got some support around that. I’ve lost so many people recently it’s hard to breath. Life can be super tough, but one thing I’ve learned is that it goes on despite our pains and hardships.

Day to day that’s what might help with focus – when it gets tough just say to yourself “get through today” tomorrow can wait.

[kel1]

Oh no Laura ☹️. I’m having a tough day myself today, feeling really low again. I’m here for you and I’m sure alot of others are also. Be around good support that have your back. I’m going for a jog now to try to get rid of some anxiety.

It’s awful isn’t it – rejection sucks for sure, but remember he hadn’t fully rejected you – he has said he will return hasn’t he. Allow him time and crying is healing so let it all out.

I hate cocaine it just ruins relationships and when I get back to work I’m going to bang on about it and probably do more for families as much as I can.

Have a nice bath, cuppa tea or make a cake or something. Take mind off it for a bit. You sound lovely, it’s the rejection and unknown which is scaring you I’m sure.

[kel1]

That’s good you did that for him. I’m sure he’ll be in touch soon. I guess you have to consider that he may relapse as well and prepare yourself a little if you were to rekindle your relationship with him. Try focus on yourself for a bit because I can imagine you’re thinking all sorts which will affect your mental health and send you a bit stir crazy. Al Anon is a helpful fellowship for you – check out there meetings local to where you are. They help families etc affected by substances and destructive relationships.

[kel1]

Unfortunately denial is common with addiction. It’s a problem when people start to recognize changes in behavior, mood and general characteristics. I think I walked away because of the behaviors – cheating on me, lying and mood swings. He became a shadow of his old self in the end. Didn’t seem to care about anything other than himself. Used to shout at the kids for no reason and I became non existent.

Leaving my ex didn’t seem to change anything which hurts alot because we wasn’t even his rock bottom. They have to admit to themselves they have a problem then want to seek help. Motivation has to come from within. Unfortunately it’s a waiting game now – it could go on for years which is the scary part because by that time usually partners move on.

[kel1]

Try Letting go of the embarrassment it’s unhelpful and nowt to feel embarrassed about when you’re actually trying to better yourself. Keep going and those thoughts will subside

[kel1]

Anytime. Keep me updated and take care of yourself.

[Author]

Posts