[kellie]

hi lovely sorry ive been on the missing list i just want to scream things are never going to get any better had to tell my family today just made me feel like a fool its ok saying walk away but how after 14 years me heads telling me to run but my heart wont let me hes emptied the bank down to the last penny to pay off a debt his words its christmas in 6 weeks what do i tell the kids that daddy banged it up his nose ime angry scared and very alone xx

[kellie]

thank you hunny its been a rougph night he hasnt come home i am so broken i dont know if hes alive or dead i dont know what to do x

[kellie]

yes its realy helping me and ime glad ime helping you my heads telling me get rid youre a good girl you make this family what it his not him but my heart is scared ile make him worse i just want to be allowd to be angry at him instead of feeling like ile make it worse and give him the excuse to do what he wants xx

[kellie]

my idiot husband got stoped in his car a few months ago and told me was down to canabis in his blood and tba i knew then he was lieing but gave him the benifit of the doubt but saturday we recieved a letter saying it was the affter afects of cocaine but tells me they got it wrong deny denty deny again he will loose his licence and his job no remorse his mum doesnt help i called her screaming out for help telling her how bad hes got her reply was if he turns up here ile give im some money and send him away how does that help its a lonely place to be in the partner/wife of a adict xx

[kellie]

my god lovely its no way to live how do i tell my family i would never want them to hate him i just want him to get any help he can but what do we do if we brake down social services get involved its all wrong ive cried out today phoned everybody i can think of not family but help lines but its allways he needs this or he needs that ime so angry and feeling stupide xx

[kellie]

i realy dont know what to do hes allways got the bank cards hes phoned me in the last 10mins with the same excusis but its time for a face to face talk and him staying away is making me stronger to tell him to go all my decisions come from his actions he knows hes been cought out and doesnt want to face me honest i am not even going to scream and shout it gets us know where but i also wont put up with his bull crap anymore xx

[kellie]

its so hard my brain is running a million miles a hour but my son is stood in front of me asking for his tea so tea it is i tried talking to my husband when he came home no shouting no accusing but hes done what he allways does hes bolted with a million reasons why he has to go out i just wish they could feel our pain and live in our shoes for just one day every time he leaves ime waiting for a nock on the door i just dont get it but thats because ime not in his shoes but hes not in mine either it would be so easy to run away but why should i loose everything when ive done nothing wrong xx

[kellie]

thank you for youre reply lovely and i am sorry to hear about youre ex husband its just sad thats how i feel sad i just want to scream at him but i know theres no getting through i just feel drained but i know i have to be the best mum and put them first hes got a place in my family home if he realy wants it but i cant fight alone the way he uses the mental health descusts me its his way of justerfieing his behavior i hope you can find peice sweetheart xx

[kellie]

thank you for youre reply lovely and i am sorry to hear about youre ex husband its just sad thats how i feel sad i just want to scream at him but i know theres no getting through i just feel drained but i know i have to be the best mum and put them first hes got a place in my family home if he realy wants it but i cant fight alone the way he uses the mental health descusts me its his way of justerfieing his behavior i hope you can find peice sweetheart xx

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