kellsbells
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Don’t feel guilty at all. The thing is, it is about you too. It affects us more than they could ever know. Even when my partner is being great and back to his lovely self, I have a coldness and I find i snap easily. I do try and disguise this and let the love and happiness take over, but im not the same. I love him so much, but it can’t not change you. The lies, the way they act, it’s like living with a stranger. Yeah I’ve contemplated going to an Al Anon group too. I think counselling may be my first step. Take care
I’m so sorry. You know straight away what the following day has in store when they fall asleep downstairs.
My partner has had a bad week. Like yours, he can keep off it. He’s gone a few weeks before when he needed to start new medication, and he’s plenty of times he’s withdrawn.
We are supposed to be seeing my family in the garden today and he’s so excited to see my nephews, but I know by 1 he will have drank. He’s “taken the dog a walk.” He’s getting cigarettes, so I know he will get a bottle.
You sound like you’ve been patient and tried everything for him. Don’t blame yourself or feel guilty about anything. I know it’s hard, but we can’t change them. I feel guilt now and then over the very start of it. I knew from years ago that this certain anti depressant didn’t suit him when he drank any alcohol and he got drunk fast, but when the Dr gave him it this time around, I thought tough. It did help his mental health, but I could see what it was doing and didn’t help. Even on shandy’s you could tell he’d drank. I told him to stop altogether, but he didn’t. The logic of going onto vodka is beyond me, but everyone tells me to stop blaming myself.
He lost his licence over being silly. He took my car to the chip shop, he’d had shandy’s earlier on. Car broke down, my recovery was delayed and so the police stopped by and of course he failed the test. I think his driving awareness course telling him about vodka being better units didn’t help.
My partner isn’t strong willed to make changes, which worries me.
He broke down last night and so’s she hates how he is. He often does this.
He finally agreed to AA. He hates speaking in front of others, but said he will try.
You’re already detaching by taking yourself away from him when he’s drank which is good, but yeah I totally get why having to go upstairs annoys you, I’d be the same. I long for the time he goes to bed, for some time alone.
I hope your Easter gets better. Chat whenever you need to x
Gosh I could have written your last post myself.
My partner has always liked a drink, but never got drunk. He had a breakdown and the anti depressants increase alcohol in his system.
August 2019, he started drinking shorts. Rum and then vodka. A small amount and he gets drunk. I feel guilty for not making him come off them. I knew what they’d do as he was on them years back and alcohol didn’t mix back them.
I just kept saying he should make the right choice. Not sure he was in the right headspace at all to do so.
A year on, he’s agreed to rehab. It’s been a lot of sweet talking and encouragement, but he’s agreed and wants it. Hasn’t stopped him drinking. I know it’s an illness. The addiction sets in….but, I still believe there’s an element of choice. He says he drinks outta habit. Sunday’s for example, he doesn’t always drink cos he knows he has work Monday. Thousands have people have stopped drinking, so there is an element of choice I do think.
Maybe that makes me feel better cos it breaks my heart to think of it as an illness.
Rehab will be months and months off, if he does get a place.
Since last year, he was furloughed five months which spiralled his drinking, and then he’s had times he’s been sent home from work. Now he’s had a gross misconduct.
I feel numb now. Hatred at times. I used to search for bottles and cover, but not now. It’s on him.
I feel like I’m losing out on my life. I wanted kids and it’s not happening. Not fully cos of his drinking, but partly that. I worry like you, that if I left, how he would cope. I don’t think it would stun him into stopping. It would do the opposite and he would drink more and give up.
I’m so sorry, I didn’t get any notifications about you ever replying!
Wow it’s almost a year on from my post and looking back it’s like nothing has changed.
I actually came on here to join up, forgetting I had an account.
The alcohol team were involved for a long time before he finally got some help off them.
To cut it short, he’s agreed to rehab. He was supposed to have his assessment over the phone with them today, but he was drunk.
The last year has been truly awful. He went back to work after being furloughed for 5 months, but the drinking has continued. He’s had people sus at work and after being sent home a few times, he’s had a gross misconduct.
I’ve learned to detach, but feel numb to it. I feel hatred at times.
As I’m sat here, he’s on the floor asleep and he has work in the morning. I’m not telling them he won’t be in. That’s on him. I’ve struggled lately with my physical and mental health.
The one thing I feel ultimately guilty of bad about, is the fact I knew the citalopram medication wouldn’t mix with his drinking and I let him go ahead. Years ago, he was on the same med and a can of lager would go to his head. I guess I thought well he will have to stop weekend lager now.
I kept saying he wasn’t making the right choice. Medication or alcohol.
He probably has three units or quarter of a bottle and you’d think he’d had two bottles. It really increases the effects of the alcohol in him.
So it’s a waiting game still. Rehab could be months and months off. He’s still yet to have a lot of calls off them.
I’m scared I’ll lose feelings. I’ll always love him, but I’m scared I’m becoming numb.