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Hi liberty,
<p style=”text-align: center;”>I’m doing so so..it’s really hard some days..I’m currently in therapy, I’m not even sure what sort of abuse that it was..and I so desperately needed help..it’s going well at the moment though..I guess that’s the good part when someone goes to prison..that space you needed, time to think without ear bending going on!!..iv changed my mobile number..he had tried to call when he first got into prison, he was able to write, so I explained all that I see happening, how bad the addiction has got from my own eyes & just how he treated me..so I don’t know if he will carry on anymore with the letters, he never mentions about the drugs..I suppose denying to himself with how bad it’s actually got..so a bit up & down..for me, what I want to happen..I think it’s all gone, I feel so bruised, everything that went on..I want him to realise he’s in the best place to get into recovery..I hope he sees that..I can’t keep going back to the same old..couple of weeks of good times..never lasts long that part, before it goes all south, I don’t want to see him killing himself..never knowing if he’s alive or dead till he shows up at the door..will he get to his rock bottom & get help..so many questions in my head..I know I need to walk away, it’s so hard when you love someone..so each day is a step forward!!..how is everything going your end??..reading coco & yours relationship with the men you love, just what it is you have both been through, and still going through..you are both so bloody strong..why don’t these men see what they are doing..as in losing everything around them?! Xxx</p>Hi, iv been reading the above with the lives you lead with crack addicts..so much of what iv been reading, matches in certain ways to my own..ok I was with my ex partner for coming up to four years..we come from the same area, similar childhoods, knowing the same people..my ex, well both of us, born in the early 70’s..caught the summer of love raving scene in the late 80’ early 90’s..in his case, the love of all types of drugs..loved the trips, loved how it made him feel..from around the age of 15, smoked weed..the weed has always been in his life..from around 18 19, crack..he became addicted..ended up turning to crime as he owed dealers who wanted their money, and with no job crime was how he saw to repay..basically he’s been in and out of prison since..when I started going out with him, around 2018/2019..I knew he was a stoner,although not doing drugs myself I didn’t realise just how much he smoked!..like an eighth would last like 2days sort of smoking..what I didn’t know was he was using meth, using meth as some sort of pain relief for his belly is what he told me when he came clean about it, think that was just sort of a year of being together..using other drugs was never admitted til around 7 8 months ago..the whole relationship he was using what ever..I only knew about the meth, nothing to do with the speed, coke, crack or skag or e’s..his behaviour, I don’t even know how to explain..I guess controlling, aggression..emotional, mental and physically abusing me..it was horrible what each and every one of us has been through, on the loop of someone else’s addiction..anyway for the past two years, so much has happened..I have found pipes, foil, foil little spoon, little plastic wraps, burnt finger tips..weight going up and down..paranoid about me, what is going on around him,.constantly accusing me of cheating, jealousy, angry & hate..oh just so many things..each time I’m finding things, he would act as if it’s nothing, or it belongs to someone else, he’s found it on the floor..he would come to mine, have a bath..some dinner..maybe a natter or mostly edging for a fight over something in the past, or I’m cheating..maybe stay over for the night, sometimes needing to “borrow” 5, 10 or 20 quid, maybe a pouch of baccy..then he would be off..I guess I can see he was using me mostly..the fights..telling me it’s over, or me saying it’s over..him saying to me to bag up any clothes of his and put it outside..which I always did..he never collected, as he is homeless, jobless,.then have another fight as I lifted it outside, things missing,.I think or I can see now that his drug use has gotten to the point where it’s no longer a dabble or under control..about 2months ago, spice..the worst of the worst..he came to me tripping like trumpton, he told me he had a few tokes on a joint..then tells me it was spice..the worst fights came after that, aswell as the crack going on..like you liberty, he’s now in prison..doing crime off of his face for the next go..we split up a couple of days before he was caught..he broke up with me..then tells me he loves me, that I’m his fiancée & im the one he wants to marry.. I have to keep it that way, with him breaking up with me..so many things have happened..the way he is after and when using drugs..it’s broken me to a point where I know I won’t live if I stay with him any longer..yet I love him so much, miss the good times..having that space to breathe and see what he is like right now..ladies I admire your strengths & power..and I hope we all get through this xxx