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Hi there. Firstly you’re not on your own. I think addiction is the same for us no matter what the substance. My boy friends is cocaine. But I get where you are coming from in regards to the denial, the circles you are going round and round in.
I think it comes down to she isn’t ready to face her problems, until she does I think you’re fighting a losing battle. If I was you I’d be worried about leaving the home and the children in her care. You’ve already said she’s drank and drove with them in the car. She could end up killing one of them. However, you shouldn’t have to stay in a relationship you’re not happy in.
I think you need to sit down with her and gently in a non judgemental way suggest your findings about her hiding bottles etc, tell her that you love her (if you still do) and that you want her to go to the dr and maybe seek some help. Tell her that you want her to be the best she can be and you feel that without the drink she’s a better person. For whatever reason she’s decided the drink is working for her. Maybe she was depressed and used drink to help her block out her feelings. Depending on how she reacts I’d start telling family and maybe close friends. Addiction thrives on secrecy. Plus if you do end up leaving you’re all going to need to get all the support you need.
Get some help for yourself too. Al anon groups are really good. You shouldn’t be feeling suicidal, but dealing with active addiction does indeed make you feel that way.
Good luck
He only used in the house whilst we were in bed. I had no idea. He’s never really been one for going out. So that’s odd right away.
Then the more arguments it caused he was going out drinking, staying out til 3 just so he could use coke.
He’s admitted it all now. Only because I’ve threatened to leave so much.
He’s up and down mentally a lot. Sometimes he’ll say he doesn’t want to be with me, if I fight with him over it. He will say he doesn’t know if he loves me. Then if I try to end it properly he’ll cry and beg me not to leave.
I don’t understand any of it. How can he be one way then suddenly another in a matter of days.
He’s even admitted that he thinks if he started over with someone new they wouldn’t know about his cocaine use, where as with me he can’t ever hide it anymore. But says he only thinks like that when he’s on a binge as when he’s come down and sober, he loves me more than anything and wouldn’t ever leave me.
Is this all normal of an addict?
Does the coke sober you up? It’s so weird, I never want to try it as I’ve seen the destruction it causes, but I’m so curious as to how much it changes you. I’ve heard that you don’t feel drunk like out of it because the coke sobers you up. My bf said you have ups and downs, like levels. He said you don’t feel one way all the time. He said you have thoughts that come and go too. Depending I suppose on how much you’ve taken and if it’s wearing off and drunk.
How am I supposed to trust him then? I mean off drugs 100% but now I have all these doubts.
So every time you do coke do you end up watching porn? I’m worried now you’ve said that you don’t religiously, as he’s always said it goes hand in hand with coke.
Haha well as I said I have access to his google. That’s the worst bit, I’ll never know. It’s so weird as he’s not an overly sexual person off drugs. I mean I’ve never caught him watching porn unless he’s been off his face.
That’s a bit of a worry, like jenson every time he uses coke he watches porn and gambles, I’ve seen his search history and he flips between the two all night. He only told me when I confronted him.
It was 4 years ago when I caught him filling in his details, but back then I didn’t know he did coke. That’s why I threw him out. I hate that I’m excusing his behaviour because of that drug though. I know he’s got a problem but until he admits it I’m going to be going round in circles forever.
He thinks I’m being ridiculous as he said he knows them sites aren’t real they are just pop ups. When I asked why he didn’t just click off he said when you’re drunk and coked up you don’t think logically. Tbh I’ve never found anything else like that only normal porn, I can see what he’s been on without him knowing as our google accounts are linked lol.
Just made me think when Jenson said porn is better on coke like nothing he’s known before.
I’ve heard on loads of other sites, that coke doesn’t make you cheat unless you’re the cheating type anyway. He’s got strong morals on infidelity. Well he has when he’s straight.
Does it make you flirty too? He’s not a flirty person either normally, but has been caught out flirting mildly when our relationship was going through a rocky patch, when I threatened to leave him. He said you’re self esteem is rock bottom and it’s all ego boosting.
Hi Jenson
My boyfriend is exactly the same. He has these episodes where he uses, I catch him, threaten to leave, he stops then reuses again.
Can I ask you a thing about the porn? my bf watches porn for hours when he’s up on it. He says it’s normal as most men who take coke watch porn, he says it goes hand in hand. Ages ago before I knew about the coke I caught him filling in all his details into a milf meet-up site. He said it was a pop up on porn Hub that wouldn’t let you go further until you filled out your details. I actually threw him out as I thought he was looking to cheat. He thought I was hilarious, he said he was wasted and trying to get in to look at the pictures, etc. He didn’t look guilty.
Does being on coke make you horny enough to want to cheat? I’d never think he would, he’s not really ever given me any reason to believe he would. Just that I’ve never taken coke so I’m not sure. It’s just you said that watching porn on it makes you think you’re interacting with the women so it makes me think wow can it really change you that much.