[kirby666]

Hi – well done for sharing firstly! You’ve been through so much and your strength really radiates through your whole message – you should be proud of yourself for that.

I can’t advise on the specifics of your partner’s situation because I don’t know him, but most importantly because I’m not a professional.

But one thing I can say is do not blame yourself! For anything! I know it’s so hard to do because when you live with addiction in a friend/partner/family member it is totally natural that we blame ourselves. A friend of mine lived with me for a year and attempted suicide during that time; self-harmed; binged regularly – all while I watched and tried to steer him away from it in a way I thought was right. I blamed myself everyday for what was going on. i didn’t want to control someone’s life at the same time as feeling bad for not doing more. It drove me to depression and occasional self-harm. My relationships suffered too because I was carrying so much around.

The most important thing which I have learned is that addiction is a scientific thing – psychologically, biologically, neurologically. It causes people to behave in a certain way to sustain itself. If we try to judge what’s best for someone as a non-professional we will always become emotionally tied to the situation, believing that the whole thing is down to us. Inevitably things go up and down, and we start to blame ourselves for the downs. No one deserves that.

I would suggest talking to a professional if you can. Explain the whole situation, your partner’s history with drink, how you feel now – and read everything online you can. Again – I can’t talk about your partner’s situation and what he needs to do. But if you feel anxious, depressed etc, that’s for a reason – either because of your history or your partner’s and I think only professional advice can help you work out what that reason is and change it!

Good luck and remember – none of any of this is your fault!

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