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As my son has got older I know it effects him more. He notices the same cycle that I have seen for so long. We all get agitated when my husband is sleeping all day. We all know what’s coming and how it will make us feel. I try to hold on to truths. To not let the things my husband says to me get to me. But not having friends to see and to see some normality during lockdown has been really hard. It does feel like why me and it’s hard not to spiral into feeling hopeless at times
Yes it is like that in lockdown for me too. I used to go to the park all day with my 7 year old to get away from the reality at the weekend when my husband was asleep all day or having a day of low mood and anger. I am having trouble with the feeling of how can I keep going with this and yet the thought of trying to get out now is almost as bad. It’s not like I can easily go stay with family for the week 🙁
Yes losing self respect and feeling like you cannot talk to others about the details as it is too shameful. I feel like I let my husband get away with things just to cope with the reality of living with an addict and trying to protect our son. My family know the husband who used to be great and cant understand why I cant just give him an ultimatum to stop. They make me feel like I could do more but I realise as time goes on that I will never have any control over his drug taking. The more I try the worse we get.
I’ve been in this situation for too long too. It is so painful. Seeing the person you love slip away and it seems the more you try to help the more they seem to hate you. I think sometimes my husband hates me because he is ashamed and because he knows he will never have the old us back. I am trying to break free but I keep being pulled back in because I think if only he did get clean we could have our life back, my son could have a dad. But unfortunately I dont think it’s really going to happen.