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I was surprised he stopped drinking too. I think this is a huge shake up of his whole life.

He’s got a very high powered/pressured job and that was starting to unravel a bit. So so now that’s sorted, it’s his own mile stones to see he’s doing ok!

I agree it’s sad you know all you do, but I’m grateful for all your help. Honestly I have needed the help so much! Thank you x

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Thanks Ash.

Yes god – what a bitter pill it is. Especially when you are clueless like me and totally kept in the dark.

I hope it will last, I hope he will keep this going. He knows this is a one time deal from me.

He isn’t drinking either, so that has really helped things.

Monday to Friday things are ok, it’s more the weekends with no routines that he finds hard.

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Now into week 5! Where the hell has that time gone.

So far hubby is doing tests every 2 days and all 100% clean.

He’s started with a drug counsellor through the GP. He speaks to him once a week, but one of the weeks he was finding it hard, so he called and had an extra chat.

It’s been mega up and down. One week we were arguing so bad, I honestly thought we wouldn’t make it. His counsellor said this is normal and he was pushing me to kick him out: give him money to leave and then do his Cocaine… thankfully it didn’t come to that and we managed to get through it.

I have been offered Family support and spoke to them once a week. I’ve also taken all your advice and starting with a counsellor once a week. I have a lot floating around my head to get straight.

Social services has amounted to nothing and they don’t seem overally involved and said he can be with the children while I work. They said the drug tests has given them confidence that he will try and cooperate.

Thanks for all your advice! I honestly found it very hard to swallow, but it was so useful.

I pray as we are 6 weeks in that this carries on and we can get back on track.

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That month has gone sooo fast! Well done you!!!! You can do this!!!

Only person you owe is you, so keep at it!!!

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This is great news!!! I am so glad you have nearly done a month. That has gone fast.

When you say ex is seeing other people, do you mean romantically? That must be so hard for you. But you sounds pretty together about it.

Let me know what the CBT is like.

We are doing ok, into 2.5 weeks and all drug tests are clean. He seems much more like himself now and is sleeping again. Albeit using doctor prescribed sleeping pills, so hopefully these will stop soon.

Social Services haven’t been a major issue either, but keeping an eye on us. They want to video call with the children so that will be next we suppose.

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How are you doing Daz?

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Lostbear are you there?

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Thanks. Me too. I really do want it to work.

There has to be a lot of support from me to him and that’s hard. But he is doing all he said he would, so he is a good man. He’s been clean 11 days now, so fingers crossed

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That’s really good! Massive step to just come out with it!

Wish I could say the same! I found it and heart broke.

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Hi believer,

Did he tell you himself?

I wish my husband had, I found it.

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Lostbear, I hear you, I understand.

BUT life is boring… mundane and hard work.

I think if the life you are after is exciting and fun then having kids isn’t gonna cut it.

I’m sure a lot of my husbands issues if exactly what you have said and I’m trying to take it on board. I will try and make it more fun, but hard with three kids and two having health issues.

I try and see this as a stage. Life will get easier as mine grow up and by the time the youngest is 10 things will certainly be easy.

I won’t wish they lives away for anyone. I would rather those cuddles, where they hold my hand and show me how much I mean to them. Over any thrill in the world.

It’s maybe more about being honest and open, saying to your other half what’s missing. Appreciate what you do have and try to meet in the middle.

It isn’t easy and got a long way to go to even try to understand how my husband feels. But it’s all one day at a time.

Listening is the biggest step.

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Hi Believer, I found out a week ago that my husband was an addict. I also thought it was booze and would say the same.

The sex is a massive issue and again hubby couldn’t perform. It’s such a slap in the face and you feel it’s you. Hubby got given viagra and it worked, but now I realise the dangers of that and cocaine use. Thankfully it’s all out in the open now and hubby taking all the right steps to get off it.

What is your husband doing?

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I saw these NA on zoom, they sound useful.

How did your snacks/evening go with the kids?

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Oh that’s good. Good we can all help each other.

You can see it from outside… then you are doing really well!

He has been good today, a lot more like himself. Mum came over and said to me she thought he was good, I said tell him, she did and he was quite humble.

He did his counselling session via zoom and took another test this morning which was negative. So it’s all good news so far.

Just I swear I am not letting my guard down. Just keeping eyes and ears open. But also allowing myself to enjoy the small things.

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Congratulations on the baby!

I think every single one of us wants a crystal ball. Wish we had done xyz before and not got to where we are.

I’ve only been in the ‘know’ 8 days and what a crazy week it’s been.

Kittenmitten – I really could relate to your post saying that wish you were the nagging wife, you wish you had nagged and not allowed it to be the norm. I am promising myself to be this… to not let anything go and nagg.

If he doesn’t like it then tough! There’s the door.

BUT we have children, it makes things so much harder. It makes it more upsetting. As I’m hurting for me and them, especially as I can say what’s happening.

Ash – has loads of knowledge and been so helpful.

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